


Wrong Turn

by dreamsofspike



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-11
Updated: 2011-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-23 15:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 33
Words: 75,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/251958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamsofspike/pseuds/dreamsofspike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barney's determination to turn over a new leaf is cut short when a terrifying experience changes his life completely. In the wake of an extreme trauma, the group must face their own demons while trying to help Barney recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 25

It seemed like just another ordinary night with his friends at MacLaren’s.

 

Barney Stinson had no way of knowing that it was a night that would change his life forever.

 

He arrived late to find that his friends had strategically arranged themselves in their usual booth, so as to leave him an empty seat next to Robin – who was, presumably, the only member of the group who was completely unaware of said strategizing. Barney flashed a quick, grateful smile in Lily’s direction before taking his seat beside the object of his affections, and was rewarded with the briefest and most imperceptible of winks in return.

 

As was the usual these days when he was in her presence, Barney found himself trying a little harder, joking a little more, doing his best to make an impression on her – and he thought maybe it was working, a little. Robin shared his sense of humor, and laughed even when the jokes he made were dirty enough to make Lily blush and excuse herself from the table.

 

And Lily would just have to deal with it, because Barney knew that he would do anything to hear that musical laugh over and over again, and know that he had been the cause of it.

 

Eventually, it didn’t matter how dirty Barney’s comments were because Marshall and Lily excused themselves for the evening, going home early, as was the usual for them. Ted headed home too a little while later, claiming an early work day the next morning. Barney was silently grateful, rejoicing in his mind for the chance for a little alone time with Robin.

 

Unfortunately, he still couldn’t figure out how to break out of the friend zone.

 

He just kept up his usual show, doing his best to amuse her and keep her too entertained to get bored and leave him as well. After one particularly vile joke, when Robin finally managed to regain her composure, she gave Barney a speculative look, her brow creasing in a thoughtful frown.

 

“So… why are you here, Barney?”

 

Barney blinked, immediately feeling a little bit hurt by the question. “What are you talking about? I’m _always_ here.”

 

“No,” Robin replied slowly, a slight smile on her lips as she studied his expression a little too closely for his comfort. “You’re _always_ on the make. You come over here and sit with us when there’s nobody in the room who’s up to your considerably low standards, which is… not really all that often. Except for lately. You’ve hardly left the booth the last three nights.” She paused a moment, and something in her soft, familiar tone made his pulse quicken as she asked, “What’s your deal, Stinson?”

 

He swallowed hard, nervously tapping a finger on the side of his glass as he tried to maintain his calm and composure. He glanced down for a moment before looking up to meet her eyes, his smile a little more serious than usual as he spoke in a quiet, thoughtful voice.

 

“Maybe I’m… tired of having such low standards. Maybe I’ve decided that the awesomeness that is Barney Stinson is a little too good to be spreading around to every female in the state.” He shrugged slightly, biting his lip a little before concluding, “Maybe I’m just… growing up a little.”

 

Robin stared at him for a long moment, clearly taken off guard by his unusually solemn manner and completely unexpected words. Suddenly she let out a rather rude, unladylike _“pfft”_ sound, rolling her eyes.

 

“Okay… almost had me there, Barney…”

 

“I’m serious!” he insisted. “I’m about to unveil to the world – Barney Stinson, 2.0…”

 

“Don’t you mean _3.0_?” Robin retorted. “It’s not as if this is the first persona you’ve used…”

 

“… _new and improved_ …” Barney deliberately spoke over her, giving her a warning glare at the reference to his former flower child days. “Half the sleaze, _all_ of the _awesome_!”

 

Robin gave him a dubious look, a single brow raised, as if waiting for the catch. Barney sighed, rolling his eyes and looking away from her as he took a sip of his drink. He was afraid to look her in the eye right then, afraid that the sting of her doubt would show in his all-too-expressive gaze.

 

His eyes widened, his concerns suddenly changing when he noticed a familiar figure sauntering up to the bar and sliding onto a stool. He immediately turned toward Robin again, resting his elbow against the table and holding a hand up to his face to hide it, pretending to suddenly be very deeply involved in conversation with his companion.

 

It wasn’t all that difficult to fake.

 

“What’s up with you?” Robin laughed softly, glancing in the direction he had been looking prior to his strange behavior.

 

“Don’t look over there!” he whispered urgently. “Don’t draw attention to me!”

 

“Why not?” Robin asked, once again giving him that sharp look with an eyebrow raised – but at least she didn’t look toward the bar again. “Who are you avoiding, Barney?”

 

Barney opened his mouth to respond – then frowned, puzzled. His voice was sheepish when he admitted, “I… can’t actually remember her name. But the dishwater blonde who just sat down at the bar… let’s just say we’ve met before.”

 

“And which of the dozens of possible reasons does this particular chick have to hate you?” Robin still kept her eyes focused on him, resisting the urge to look toward the bar, but her lips twitched slightly with the beginnings of an amused smirk.

 

Barney closed his eyes for a moment, a shamed grimace twisting his mouth as he slowly ground out his reluctant admission.

 

“She was one of the ones I had over when Lily was staying with me. She thinks I’m married. She was… pretty pissed off when Lily walked in… said she wouldn’t have gone out with me if she’d known…”

 

Robin shook her head slowly, her amused expression unchanged. She had heard the story of the brief cohabitation from Lily, who had confessed with some embarrassment the part she had played in getting rid of a couple dozen of Barney’s conquests.

 

“Most women wouldn’t, Barney,” she informed him mildly.

 

He let out a snort of derision. “Are you kidding? A lot of women find it a turn-on.”

 

“A lot of the kind of women _you_ like to hook up with,” Robin countered. “For most women… that still makes you look like a worthless cheating piece of shit.”

 

Barney shrugged. “What do I care what they think of me afterwards? It’s not like I ever intend to see them again.”

 

Although Robin said nothing, Barney could clearly read the quiet disapproval in her eyes before she glanced away.

 

“But… that was the old me,” he hurriedly added. “That was on the other side of the leaf I’ve just turned over. I’m moving up to a higher class of women… and a more reputable style of life…”

 

“Yeah,” Robin drawled, giving him a sympathetic but somewhat condescending smile. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

Barney was stung by her dismissal of his words – but also challenged by it. He straightened, dropping the hand that was shielding his face and slapping it against the table as his jaw squared with determination.

 

“Then, by God, you’ll see it!” he declared, rising from his seat with dramatic flair.

 

“What are you doing, Barney?”

 

Robin sounded tolerant but vaguely bored as she watched him get up, draining the last of his drink before putting the glass down on the table a little more forcefully than necessary. He gave her a bright, prematurely triumphant smile, his tone smug and certain as he responded.

 

“I’m going to prove to you that I’m serious.” He paused, glancing toward the girl at the bar before meeting Robin’s eyes again. “I’m going to go over there to that girl… who very rightfully hates my guts… and apologize for disrespecting her and lying to her.”

 

Now there was a spark of genuine surprise and interest in Robin’s eyes, which slightly widened as she looked between Barney and the girl at the bar.

 

“Please, Barney. You’re not _really_ going to…”

 

“I am,” Barney declared, his smile widening at her reaction. “Write it down, Scherbatsky. You’re about to witness history in the making.”

 

*************************

 

“Hi.” Barney waited as the young woman on the barstool slowly turned to face him, already braced for the cold anger that immediately crept into her narrowed green eyes. He proceeded with his hurriedly planned words, regardless. “You… probably don’t remember me…”

 

“Barney Stinson. Never thought I’d see _you_ again.” She sniffed disdainfully as she turned back toward the bar and sipped her drink before adding, “Too bad.”

 

He did his best to be as charming as possible, giving her an apologetic grimace as he slid onto the stool beside her. “So… you _do_ remember me, then. I’m… sorry, but…” He cringed inwardly, closing his eyes for a moment as he confessed, “… I don’t actually… remember _that_ part of you. The name part. I remember _other_ parts…”

 

She gave him a withering glare as she spat at him, “ _Allison. Sharpe_.” She gave him an incredulous look as something suddenly seemed to occur to her. Her tone was aghast as she asked, “You weren’t actually planning to fool me a _second_ time, were you?”

 

“No, I was planning to apologize for the first time,” Barney replied without hesitation.

 

That got the surprised look he was hoping for. “Excuse me?”

 

“I saw you come in, and… after my initial moment of panic… decided that I should come over and apologize for the way I treated you last time I saw you,” Barney explained, pouring on the charm – which was decidedly more difficult when he wasn’t trying to sexually attract the woman he was charming. He made sure to meet her eyes as he stated with slow certainty, “I was the worst kind of jerk… and I’m _sorry_.”

 

She studied his expression for a long moment, a speculative expression on her face. Finally, he felt a sense of victory as her shoulders fell slightly, and the taut expression on her face eased into a reluctant half-smile.

 

“Thank you,” she replied, a note of stern reproof still in her voice, despite her acceptance. “That means… _something_ , I suppose.”

 

“It means I’m a changed man,” Barney told her, his eyes dancing with the good spirits that came with his success. He was too cool to look over his shoulder for Robin’s reaction – but he could imagine it, and he imagined her looking at him as if he was utterly _awesome_. “I don’t… cheat anymore.”

 

He didn’t see any need to go into detail about the full nature of his previous deception. He thought the apology was in and of itself impressive enough, given the fact that he had never once apologized to a woman he’d duped in his entire history of duping women. She glanced over his shoulder briefly, and for a moment he wondered if she was looking at Robin, but he didn’t dare turn around to see. But then, the moment had passed and she was smiling into his eyes.

 

“Well, that’s good to know. I’m glad you’ve gotten yourself together, Barney.”

 

He nodded slowly, returning her smile with a dazzling one of his own. “Can I buy you a drink?” he offered, being sure to maintain an appropriate distance between them, though even still he hurried to clarify. “Not as a move of any kind – just as an apology.”

 

“No, thanks.” She shook her head. “I’m actually headed home… but I appreciate the offer.” She glanced toward the door with a slight frown creasing her brow before looking back to him, a thoughtful, uncertain expression on her face. “There is _one_ thing, though… Would you mind walking a lady out to her car? I had to park in the alley, and I’d feel a lot safer if I had someone to just… make sure I get there safely.”

 

Barney suppressed a grin at the request – not exactly the type of request he got often.

 

“Give me just a second,” he said with a nod, holding up one finger as he slid off his stool. “I’ll be right back…”

 

He was beaming when he reached the side of the booth, where Robin was trying not to look as if she’d been intently watching the entire exchange. He gave her a smug smirk as he explained.

 

“The lady accepted my apology, thanks very much. And continuing in the vein of my new-found gentlemanly-ness, I am walking the lady out to her car in the alley.”

 

“To her car. Right.”

 

“Seriously. Just to her car. I’ll be back in five minutes, tops.”

 

Robin’s dubious smile faded, a grudgingly impressed expression on her face as she realized that he was telling the truth. “You’re serious. You actually just apologized to her, and you’re actually _just_ walking her to her car.”

 

“Scout’s honor,” Barney affirmed, clearly quite pleased with himself. “BRB.”

 

He left the table and returned to the bar, offering Allison his arm and leading her out the side exit into the alley where her car was parked – leaving a wondering, slightly awed Robin in his wake…

 

… which was exactly the reaction he’d been hoping for.

 

***********************

 

“So, like I said… I’m really sorry about everything that happened. It was entirely my fault.” Feeling exceptionally gallant and chivalrous at the moment, Barney reached in front of Allison to open her car door. “If I had another chance to do things differently… you know I would…”

 

Allison turned and smiled at him, nodding as she prepared to get into her car. Barney was thinking that this had gone much better than he would have anticipated. He had managed to gain the forgiveness of this woman he had wronged, and in the process, to massively impress Robin.

 

This was a very good night.

 

And then, all at once… everything changed.

 

Strong, rough hands grasped Barney’s arms from behind, yanking them painfully behind his back. Barney let out a startled yell, struggling to free himself from his as yet unseen attacker, but his attempts were useless against someone so much larger and stronger than himself. He fought desperately as he was shoved up against the side of the car, his arms pinned behind his back with one hand while another hand gripped his hair and slammed his head hard into the roof of the car. Dazed, Barney automatically ceased his struggles, fighting simply to hold onto consciousness.

 

That, too, proved to be a losing battle.

 

As the man behind him held his head down against the roof of the car, Barney blinked several times, trying to get his eyes to focus through the haze of pain from the blow to the head he’d taken. As he tried to figure out what had happened, tried to form some kind of coherent thought, Barney saw Allison’s face come into focus directly in front of him, a cold smile on her lips.

 

“Don’t worry, Barney…”

 

She spoke with soft mockery as she pressed a soft cloth that smelled of something thick and sickeningly sweet over his mouth and nose, her smile widening as he tried to pull away, but couldn’t escape the firm grip of the mammoth goon behind him. She waited until his eyes had started to drift closed, and her final words echoed hollowly in his swiftly darkening mind.

 

“… you’re going to get the chance to make it up to me after all…”

 

*******************************

 

Robin waited in the booth for thirty minutes.

Finally, with a heavy sigh and a sinking feeling of disappointment in the pit of her stomach, she walked up to the bar.

"Hey, Carl? Can you walk me out into the alley? I just wanna make sure Barney's okay, but, um... if he's _not_... going out there myself is _probably_ not the smartest thing..."

"No problem." Carl came out from behind the bar and headed toward the side exit with her. "If I know Stinson, though... he's probably just taken off with some chick..."

"Yeah," Robin sighed. "Probably so."

The alley was empty -- of Barney, and the girl from the bar, and the car he'd said was parked there. Her disappointment cemented, along with a sense of irritation and a little bit of hurt that he'd just taken off and left her waiting like that, Robin wearily made her way up the stairs to the apartment.

 _New leaf. Fresh start. Whatever, Barney._

She got into bed, drifting off almost immediately... thinking of all the ways in which she would rip Barney Stinson a new one the next time she ran into him.


	2. Chapter 2

_Ow._

 

That was Barney’s first clear thought as he gradually drifted back toward consciousness. His head felt strangely heavy, and hurt like someone was attacking the inside of his skull with a jackhammer. His arms felt stiff and sore, and a sharp pain shot through his wrists when he tried to move his hands.

 

He _couldn’t_ move his hands.

 

He was lying on his side on soft carpet – and he could feel the texture of that carpet against a disturbingly large amount of his exposed body.

 

His _completely_ exposed body.

 

He was naked.

 

The alarm of that realization was enough to shake him to full awareness.

 

He tried to open his eyes, but his fear intensified when he realized that he could not. Something was tied over his eyes, leaving him in total darkness. Barney tried again to free his hands, but they were fastened tightly behind his back, and the tingling sparks of pain that accompanied his efforts were discouraging enough to cause him to stop – for the moment.

 

 _Think, Stinson… think… What happened last night?_

He tried to remember the events of the night before, but the throbbing ache in his head made it difficult to focus.

 

 _Robin… I was… with Robin… and… I went outside… I was… talking. With… with Robin? No… not Robin. Amanda. Or… April?_ Allison _. Who’s Allison? She was hot… I remember_ that _. She wanted me to… walk her to her car. Why the hell was I_ just _walking that hot chick out to her car?_

 _Oh, yeah. Robin._

 _No… can’t get distracted. What_ happened _? I was… with Allison. And then…_

Barney felt his heart leap up into his throat as the memory returned to him, vague and blurred with the rapid violence with which it had occurred, but clear enough for him to put the pieces together.

 

 _Someone grabbed me… hit me in the head… but… didn’t knock me out. How’d I get knocked out? Is Allison okay? Is she here, maybe? Wait… no, she was… she was_ smiling _…_

 

Despite his disorientation, Barney knew that he had to try to get his bearings, had to try to alleviate the extreme disadvantage at which he had found himself. He tried to sit up, drawing his knees up under him, and using his bound hands to push himself up off the floor, wincing at the pain. His hands tingled as the blood rushed back into them, and he grimaced. He finally managed to reach a half-sitting, half-kneeling position, his back braced against the cool, plaster wall behind him.

 

Barney’s heart was racing, and he felt sick as he tried to think of a way out of his bizarre dilemma. He tried again to work his wrists free of their restraints – from the feel of them, a pair of metal handcuffs – but they were far too tight.

 

 _Hence the pain. Idiot who cuffed me doesn’t know how to use a freakin’ set of handcuffs. Or… knows how to use them… a little too well. Whatever. What the hell_ happened _? Who cuffed me in the first place? And why..._

The sound of footsteps on hardwood suddenly broke through the swirling circle of his thoughts, and Barney froze, every nerve on edge, waiting in tense apprehension for the identity of his captor to be made known. The footsteps abruptly broke off, and Barney realized that it was probably because whoever they belonged to had just stepped onto the carpet.

 

Moments later, a firm but soft, decidedly feminine, hand grasped his chin, jerking his head up sharply. Her voice was low and soft next to his ear, and Barney suppressed a shiver at the subtle menace in her words.

 

“Hey, baby. Good, you’re awake. I was getting tired of waiting.”

 

Barney tensed as she crouched in front of him, and he recognized her voice, vaguely familiar from the night before – and one other night which he barely recalled.

 

 _Allison._

 

“Waiting for what?” he demanded. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? In case you’ve deceived yourself into thinking it is, this isn’t the least bit hot or sexy, Allison. So, the smartest thing you can do right now is untie me and let me go, before I change my mind on the decision I’ve already made _not_ to press charges…”

 

His defiant words were cut off by a sharp slap across his face, and Barney’s breath caught in his throat. He instinctively flinched when he felt sharp fingernails against his scalp, as Allison grabbed a handful of his hair and jerked his head back. Her voice trembled with anger, and he could feel the warmth of her breath against his face as she snarled his own words back at him with bitter triumph.

 

“In case _you’ve_ deceived yourself into thinking that you have _any_ control over what happens here… you _don’t_ , Barney. So the smartest thing _you_ can do right now is to just _shut up_ and do as you’re told.”

 

“You don’t scare me!” he shot back at her with a derisive laugh, though he was unable to mask the slight tremor that had somehow found its way into his voice. “If this is some pathetic attempt at payback for something that happened _years_ ago – which I’ve already apologized for, by the way, and that’s saying something, because I’ve _never_ apologized to a woman for sleeping with her before – it’s not going to work, because…”

 

His indignant rant died in his throat when he suddenly felt the brush of cold, smooth steel against his cheek. He tried to pull away from the sharp edge of the blade, but Allison’s tight grip on his hair prevented it. She trailed the knife down to his exposed throat, then back up again to his cheek, and Barney’s breath quickened with instinctive panic that he barely managed to repress.

 

“Scared yet?” she whispered into his ear, and he could feel her smug smile against his skin.

 

He swallowed hard, shaking his head slightly – unable to back down from the subtle challenge in her tone. “No,” he insisted in a hoarse, trembling whisper that belied the word. “I’m not scared of you.”

 

A soft, chilling laugh was her response. “You will be, baby. Trust me.”

 

Barney let out his breath in a shaking sigh of relief as she removed the knife from his cheek, and he heard the soft click as the blade slid back into its handle. Allison’s hand softened in his hair, playing through it slowly in an unsettling parody of affection.

 

“Have you thought to wonder yet, Barney,” she murmured with quiet amusement, “why we’re even having this conversation? Why we’ve tied you up and blindfolded you… but didn’t bother with a gag?”

 

He _hadn’t_ wondered – but he was wondering now.

 

It didn’t take him long to figure it out – and the only answer that made sense settled a hard, cold knot of fear in his stomach. He swallowed hard, willing his voice to steadiness as he quietly replied, with all the ominous, exaggerated drama called for by the words he spoke.

 

“Because… we’re someplace where no one can hear me scream?”

 

“Got it in one, baby.” Allison sounded both smug and impressed at once. “You could scream yourself hoarse here, and no one would hear to help you.”

 

She paused, and Barney winced at the feeling of her fingers tracing his lips, jerking his head away. Allison grasped his hair again, jerking his head back in a gesture of sheer dominance, leaning in close to whisper into his ear.

 

“And I intend to make you do a _lot_ of screaming before I’m finished with you.” She laughed darkly as she added, “And not the fun kind.”

 

Barney’s mouth was suddenly dry, and he swallowed hard, trying to keep the panic from his voice. His mind was racing, searching for some way to back her down, some way to get out of this. His thoughts returned to the original lie that had gotten him into this mess, the deception he’d pulled off, with Lily’s help, to get her out of his apartment.

 

“My wife will miss me, Allison. I told you, I’m a… a changed man. I don’t stay out late anymore. She’s probably already called the police. They’re probably on their way right…”

 

She slapped him again, and Barney winced as the back of his head hit the wall, increasing the dull ache caused by – whatever it was she’d used to drug him and get him here. He tensed when he felt her hand lock around his throat, pinning him in place. Her voice was soft and chillingly calm.

 

“Yeah. About that. You’re going to pay for that little deception, honey. I know you lied about being married to get rid of me. In fact… I know all about you, Barney Stinson.” She paused, her voice lowering, becoming unsettlingly intimate. “I know you haven’t changed a bit since that night. You’re still a pathetic little slut who goes home with strangers on a regular basis and makes stupid, reckless decisions all the time. The few friends you have won’t even worry about you disappearing like this. In fact, they probably won’t even think that there _might_ be a problem for days. And when they do… they’ll have no idea where to look for you – if they even _want_ to.”

 

Barney’s heart sank with the knowledge that she was probably right. Robin had probably assumed that he had changed his mind and gone home with Allison willingly. Ted and Marshall and Lily wouldn’t think anything of it if they didn’t hear from him for a few days. He was trembling now, struggling to maintain control over his own rising fears, but swiftly losing the battle.

 

“I’m going to make you pay for what you did to me, Barney,” Allison stated softly, cold triumph in her voice. “And I’m going to take all the time I want to do it.”

 

****************************

 

“Hey, Robin.”

 

“Hey, Ted.” Robin frowned as she walked into their apartment, staring down at her open cell phone with troubled eyes. “You haven’t heard from Barney, have you?”

 

Ted didn’t look up from whatever project he was working on at his desk, didn’t sound the least bit concerned as he shrugged. “Nah, not today.” After a moment of silence, he looked up at her, his brow furrowing to mimic her frown. “Why? Everything okay?”

 

“Yeah, it’s just… we were at the bar last night, and he said he was going outside for a few minutes, and… didn’t come back.” Robin sighed as she sat down on the couch. “I know that’s not all _that_ unusual for Barney…”

 

“No, it’s not,” Ted agreed with a short laugh and a sympathetic smile. “He’s probably sleeping it off in some bimbo’s bed right now…”

 

Robin’s frown deepened, as she was clearly unconvinced. “It’s after noon,” she pointed out. “Considering the fact that he usually tries to make his escape before whatever random chick wakes up…”

 

Ted considered that for a moment, meeting her gaze. “Good point. Then… he’s probably just sleeping it off at his place, you know? I’m sure he’s fine.”

 

“He’s not answering his phone.”

 

Robin caught a brief flash of surprise and alarm in Ted’s eyes at that. “ _You’ve_ … actually called him?”

 

She nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“And he didn’t answer?”

 

“No.”

 

An uneasy grimace twisted Ted’s mouth and he looked away, thoughtful. “That… _is_ strange. He always has his phone with him, and he… he usually answers.” He took out his own phone, speed-dialing Barney’s number and meeting Robin’s eyes solemnly as he waited through two, three… four rings, before the call was diverted to Barney’s voicemail.

 

“He’s not answering.” His tone was thoughtful, troubled, as he stared down at his own phone. After a moment he seemed to remember himself, looking up at Robin through wide eyes as he hastened to add, “But… I’m sure he’s fine. He’ll call back when he sees that you’ve… that _we’ve_ called. He always does. And then we’ll both feel silly for worrying in the first place.”

 

“Yeah.” Robin forced a smile, trying to be reassured by Ted’s explanations – but without success. She tried to convince herself, picturing a positive, relieving scenario in her mind. “Yeah. He’ll tell us all about what happened with the girl he was talking to, and we’ll laugh at his crazy story, and then about how stupid we were to be worried in the first place.”

 

“Exactly,” Ted agreed. “It’ll be fine, Robin. He’s fine. You’ll see.”

 

Robin fell silent, leaning back on the sofa and opening her cell phone again to compose a text message, hoping that if by chance Barney was still with the girl, still in a situation where he wasn’t able to answer the phone, he might at least respond to a text. She turned on the television and waited impatiently for Barney to respond.

 

He didn’t.

 

“I’m sorry, Ted. I know I shouldn’t be worried, but… I am.”

 

Ted looked up, not at all surprised by her words, nodding slowly in agreement. “Me, too, actually… for some insane reason.”

 

“I need to know he’s all right. I’m going to go by his place, see if he’s there. If he’s not, I… I think I’ll wait for him.” She forced a laugh as she observed, “He can only go so long without changing clothes, and he’s not going to want to stay in the stuff he was wearing last night for long.” She shrugged. “He’s gotta come home sometime.”

 

Robin had barely made it to the sidewalk when her phone rang. She hurriedly pulled it from her pocket, eagerly scanning the screen – immediately disappointed when it was not Barney calling, but Ted.

 

 _But… maybe Barney_ called _Ted…_

 

“Hello?”

 

“Robin, wait up. I’m coming with you.”


	3. Chapter 3

Robin sighed as she closed her cell phone again, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor of Barney’s apartment and staring at the front door, as if she could somehow will him to walk through it at any moment. Ted sat on the sofa, staring at Barney’s enormous television screen, which was currently tuned to ESPN – nowhere near concerned enough, as far as Robin was concerned.

 

“Okay, I’m really starting to worry, here…” she informed Ted, hoping he would take the hint and direct his attention away from the television. It’s nearly four o’clock, and I would think he’d have returned our calls by now…”

 

“Unless he’s off with some girl.” Ted shrugged. “It’s Saturday, it’s not like he has to work – or has any other obligations to keep him from doing whatever he wants. Maybe his phone is turned off.”

 

“His phone is _never_ turned off,” Robin countered. “That thing’s like… the air he breathes. Besides… if it was turned off it’d be going straight to voicemail.”

 

“Okay, yeah… and, yeah,” Ted agreed with a sigh, at least going so far as to mute the television, leaning back and frowning with concern at her troubled expression. “Those are both true. But… maybe he’s someplace where there’s no reception. You said this girl he left with was someone he’d screwed over before, right? Maybe she stole it or something. You know, as payback.”

 

“After taking him home and sleeping with him again first…” Robin sounded doubtful – then considered her words with a sideways half-shrug. “Okay, maybe not so ridiculous…” She opened the phone and dialed Barney’s number again.

 

“I’m sure we’ll hear from him by tonight,” Ted assured her. “And then we’ll both feel really silly about…”

 

“Wait.” Robin’s tone was sharp, and she held up a finger as her brow creased in a troubled frown. She removed the phone from her ear, her frown deepening as she closed it and turned to face Ted again. “It just went from ringing to going straight to voicemail between those last two calls. So…”

 

“So he turned his phone off,” Ted concluded. “Which settles it. Clearly, he’s off on one of his exploits and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

 

“It does look that way, doesn’t it?” Robin sounded distracted – and maybe a little hurt – as she put her phone in her pocket.

 

“So… you wanna just go home?” Ted suggested, his tone cautious and gentle.

 

“Not yet,” Robin decided with a sigh, as she sat down on the sofa beside him. “Let’s wait just a little longer.”

 

*************************

 

“You really think a single, stupid apology could make up for the way you used and humiliated me?” Allison continued ranting angrily, and Barney could hear the sound of her pacing footsteps on the floor in front of him. “You really think a few meaningless words could undo the damage you did? That’s your problem, isn’t it? You think the things you do don’t matter – think you can do whatever you want, regardless of the consequences for the people you hurt…”

 

“Are you going to shut up anytime soon?” Barney cut her off, a show of defiance in his voice to cover his rising fears. “Because I’m pretty sure I’d _prefer_ torture to the sound of you constantly running your mouth.” Even as he spoke, he was sure it was a foolish thing to say, but he couldn’t resist his natural impulse to hide his fear under a false front of bravado.

 

He couldn’t allow her to see how scared he really was.

 

He winced as Allison grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head back against the wall, his body tensing at the sound of the switchblade in her hand opening again – a mere instant before he felt it jabbing into his ribcage. He held his breath, trying to prepare himself for the pain – but before she could strike, Barney heard a second set of footsteps approaching, heavier than Allison’s.

 

Allison let out a harsh laugh, removing the knife from his side. There was smug satisfaction in her voice as she retorted. “We’ll see, Barney. We’ll see which one you _really_ prefer soon enough.” She finally released her grip on his throat, standing up straight again and moving away from him a little.

 

The footsteps made Barney remember the man who’d helped her take him, who’d grabbed him from behind so that he hadn’t seen his face. He felt his fears churning in his stomach, rising up within him with the realization that whatever chance he had of escaping nearly vanished with the addition of a second captor.

 

Barney tensed when he felt strong hands on his arms, pulling him to his feet and holding him back against a broad, muscular chest. His hands instinctively strained to escape the cuffs – but to no avail.

 

“This is my boyfriend,” Allison explained, her tone smug and filled with cruel amusement as she added, “And that’s really all you want to know about him, Barney. He’s very well-known in certain… less than respectable circles… and what’s more…” Her voice lowered to a soft, chilling whisper that sent a shiver down Barney’s spine. “… he’s a _very_ dangerous man, to anyone who crosses him… and especially to anyone who crosses him… by hurting _me_.”

 

As she spoke, the man behind Barney slid an arm around him to hold him in place, his free hand trailing slowly, suggestively, down his side. Panicked by the implications of that touch, Barney struggled instinctively, kicking blindly backward in a vain attempt to free himself.

 

His captor responded to his attempts with a brutal kidney punch that would have sent him back to his knees, had the man not been holding him up. A moment later, a hand that was much stronger than Allison’s fisted in his hair, violently jerking his head back painfully far.

 

“You try to kick me again, you little _bitch_ …” the man hissed in his ear. “… and I’ll break your neck. Do you understand me?”

 

Barney went perfectly still in the larger man’s grasp, his breath coming in ragged, shallow gasps as he wrestled with his own panic at being so trapped, so utterly helpless. He nodded hurriedly, not trusting himself to speak.

 

“Good,” the man murmured with chilling softness. “Good boy. Now you’re gonna do exactly as you’re told, and you’re not gonna move… are you, Barney?”

 

Barney shook his head, terrified, then froze completely as he felt the now-familiar cool smoothness of the blade Allison wielded – only this time, pressed against the inside of his thigh, mere inches from his exposed and vulnerable genitals. Allison’s free hand rested on his hip, and he could feel her clothes brush against him as she moved in close in front of him, tracing the tip of the knife slowly back and forth.

 

“If you _ever_ try again to fight him,” she softly warned him, “I’ll make sure it's the last time. Is that clear, Barney?”

 

He nodded hurriedly, barely able to focus on her words with the overwhelming sensation of that menacing blade against his skin, so near to his most vulnerable parts. “Y-yes,” he whispered, his voice trembling with fear. “Yes, please… please, I won’t, I’m sorry, don’t…”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Barney bit his lower lip in an attempt to stifle his own panicked babbling, flinching but fighting to keep still as Allison slowly slid the blade from his thigh to rest directly behind his balls. As she pressed slightly upward, he bit back a frightened cry of pain, struggling to keep himself from doing anything to further anger her, while he was in such a precarious position.

 

“You can make it up to me, Barney,” Allison offered, subtle mockery in her voice. “You can prove your _respect_ for my boyfriend, and make up for trying to kick him.”

 

Barney kept perfectly still, trembling, not daring to make a sound, as he waited for her to continue. He couldn’t hold back a panicked cry as the man who held him abruptly shoved him to his knees – only realizing once he was kneeling, shaking with fear, that Allison had moved the knife in the bare instant before he’d been forced to the floor again.

 

He was still recovering from the momentary horror of what he’d thought they’d done to him when he heard the man move around to stand in front of him – and then heard the sound of his zipper coming down. His stomach lurched with fear and revulsion as he realized what they intended.

 

“No,” he whispered, shaking his head, trying blindly to draw back away from them. “No, I won’t…”

 

His words broke off abruptly as he felt the blade against his balls again, and Allison’s hand running through his hair in a parody of soothing gentleness.

 

“Oh, come on, Barney,” she sneered. “Don’t try to tell me you’ve never done this before. I know you have, you little slut. You ought to be good at it by now.”

 

“No… no, I…”

 

His words broke off in a shuddering gasp as she pressed harder with the blade, silencing him with the wordless threat. “You’re going to do as you’re told, Barney,” she stated softly. “And if you try anything… try to bite him… do a bad job… hell, if he just isn’t satisfied for _any_ reason…” He felt her breath against his ear as she whispered, “I’ll turn you into the little bitch you already are. Understood?”

 

Barney nodded desperately, his heart sinking with despair at the knowledge that he had no choice. He had no way of knowing how far these two were willing to take this, but they were clearly out of their minds. These were very dangerous people with no inclination toward mercy or pity. The thought of submitting to what they wanted him to do was humiliating to him, but not as terrifying as the other, very tangible threat currently pressed against his body.

 

“Yes,” he whispered. “Please, don’t… please…”

 

He cringed as he felt a strong hand gripping his hair, yanking him up higher on his knees, and Allison’s boyfriend commanded in a low, growling voice of menace.

 

“Open your mouth, slut.”

 

Barney obeyed, trying to brace himself, yet still unprepared when the huge man shoved his cock past his lips. He tried not to gag, tried not to pull away, remembering Allison’s threats – but in the end, there was nothing about the entire encounter that was at all within his control. His captor held his head in place, slamming violently into his mouth again and again, so that Barney really wasn’t doing anything but allowing the monster to rape his mouth.

 

When the man finally withdrew, letting go of Barney’s hair, Barney turned away, retching and coughing, gasping for breath – utterly devastated and revolted by what he’d just been forced to do. His face was aflame with humiliation, and his entire body shook, overwhelmed by the trauma of what was happening to him.

 

But he was allowed no time to recover from the brutal assault.

 

Allison grabbed the back of his head, holding him in place as she pressed her tongue past his trembling lips in a harsh, dominating kiss. He did not by any means return it, but he did not resist, allowing her to plunder his mouth without trying to pull away. Finally she withdrew, leaving her hand tangled possessively in his hair, tightening slowly until he winced in pain, his head drawn back so that his convulsive swallow of fear was clearly visible in the taut lines of his throat.

 

She spoke again, her voice a hushed, intimate whisper that sent a shudder down his spine.

 

“My boyfriend’s name is Ryan Gould. He lives in the city, a few blocks from where you live.” She gave him the specific address before adding, “He’s currently wanted for grand larceny, extortion, terroristic threatening… and murder. He’s killed before, Barney. And now… I’ve told you all about him. Now, think for a moment, and then tell me why you think I’d tell you all of that.”

 

Barney was trembling in a combination of shock from the violation he’d just endured, and dread – because he knew exactly what she was getting at, why she’d chosen to tell him about her boyfriend’s criminal history. He just couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud.

 

Allison said it for him, answering her own question

 

“I have no problem whatsoever telling you all of that, Barney,” she whispered, her breath warm and tickling against his ear as her fingers played idly through his disheveled hair, “because you are never going to leave this house alive. We’re going to kill you, Barney… but not anytime soon.”

 

His heart sank with despair as she continued, soft malice in her all-too-descriptive words.

 

“We’re going to take our time… enjoy playing with you as long as we feel like it… until you break. And you _will_ break, Barney. You almost have already. Pathetic little bitch. You think you’re all strong and tough and invincible? Whatever. I know better.”

 

She laughed harshly, and Barney felt his face flush with the painful knowledge that she was right about him. He wasn’t brave or strong or courageous. If they’d been torturing him for information of some kind, instead of just for their own sick, twisted pleasure, he had the terrible feeling that he’d have already given whatever it was they wanted up to them long ago.

 

“And once you’re broken, Barney,” Allison continued with cruel pleasure in her words, “we’ll _keep_ playing… until we get bored. You’re _ours_ , now, Barney… our little toy… and you will be… until you die. And you’d better hope we don’t get bored all that easily… or that could be very, very soon.”

 

****************************

 

“Damn cell phone keeps ringing off the hook…”

 

Allison muttered as she closed the bedroom door behind her, going to the pile in the corner of the room that was Barney’s belongings, which they’d removed from him while he was unconscious. She removed the cell phone from the pocket of the tan suit he’d been wearing, glancing at the screen with mild curiosity before pushing the reject button.

 

“Robin, huh? And… whoa. There’s like, thirty missed calls here. Guess our little playboy’s more missed than we thought he’d be.”

 

She switched the cell phone off before it could begin to ring again, smirking as she tossed it back down onto the crumpled pile of clothes.

 

 _Trust me, Robin… whoever you are… I’m doing you a favor…_


	4. Chapter 4

“So… it’s been _how_ long since anyone’s seen him?”

 

Lily bit her lower lip, her brow creased in a troubled frown as she glanced between Ted, seated beside her on the sofa, and Robin, who was still pacing the floor in agitation, her cell phone raised to her ear. Marshall stood behind Lily, a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he anxiously observed the scene. One of her hands rested absently over his on her shoulder, taking quiet comfort from his presence.

 

“I guess since last night at MacClaren’s,” Ted replied, still relatively calm, though his dark eyes were narrowed in pensive speculation. “Robin saw him leave with some girl…”

 

“No, he was walking her to her car,” Robin interrupted to correct him, holding her hand over the mouthpiece of the phone by sheer habit, though no one was on the line yet. “He said he’d be back in like five minutes, and then never showed up again.”

 

Her attention was immediately focused again on the call she was trying to make, so she completely missed the anxious look exchanged by the other three, all of whom knew a very specific reason, unknown to her, why such behavior was particularly strange from Barney at this time in his life.

 

“Yes, I’ve been holding for fifteen minutes… I told you, my friend is missing. You have to send someone to…” She paused, her frown deepening with frustration as she spoke again. “I already told you, early thirties… I realize that, but this isn’t normal. He… Yes, I realize that too, but something must have happened. You have to… But that’s insane! In another twenty-four hours, anything could have happened! You can’t just tell me to…”

 

In helpless frustration, Robin finally clicked the phone shut with as much of a slam as was possible with a cell phone. She collapsed into Barney’s desk chair, her hands rising to cover her eyes as she drew in a deep, shaky breath before turning to face the others.

 

“They said since he’s an adult, they can’t do anything until he’s been missing for forty-eight hours. Unless he’s gone longer than that, they assume he’s safe and just off doing his own thing without telling anybody. I tried to tell them that something’s off about this, but they wouldn’t listen…” She sighed, her voice trembling with fear and frustration. “They said there’s nothing they can do. ‘Everyone thinks their case is special.’ That’s what they told me.”

 

“I guess it’s… possible that he just hasn’t bothered to call back, but…” Marshall hesitated, giving Lily an uncertain look before asking Robin, “You’ve been using _your_ phone to call him, right? _Ow_!” He hissed, withdrawing his hand from under Lily’s on her shoulder, shaking it as if it’d been bitten… or pinched very hard.

 

Robin frowned at Lily, but she was all innocence, speaking before Robin could answer the rather strange question. “Maybe he’s fine. Maybe he lost his phone, or… or maybe…”

 

“Or maybe he’s lying in a gutter somewhere, where he’ll bleed to death before the stupid cops decide to do anything to find him!” Robin finished for her, rising from the desk chair and picking up her coat from the back of the sofa, heading toward the door.

 

“Robin, what are you doing?” Lily asked, concerned.

 

Robin paused in the doorway, shrugging into her coat. “ _Someone_ needs to find him. I’m gonna go looking. Someone stay here in case he calls.”

 

“I’ll go with you, Robin,” Marshall offered. “If there _is_ some kind of trouble, you’ll need some masculine back-up.”

 

Despite her concern, Robin arched a dubious eyebrow at him, letting out a _pfft_ sound before remarking simply, “Please.” Her expression immediately darkened with the unintentional reminder of her missing friend, and she sighed, her shoulders slumping. “But come on if you’re coming. We need to hurry. If he’s hurt or something, there’s no time to waste.”

 

****************************

 

After the forced sexual encounter with Ryan, Barney was in a state of shock. He felt strangely numb, lost, unable to focus on the half-formed plans and desperate ideas he’d been formulating for escape.

 

They had pushed him back against the wall on his knees, and Allison had fastened his chained wrists to some kind of connection point on the wall behind him. It was awkward and painful, nearly impossible to find any position that was comfortable. His wrists ached and burned from the metal cuffs that bit into them.

 

As the mocking laugher of his captors faded away with their footsteps, then disappeared completely with the closing of a door, Barney struggled briefly – and uselessly – to free himself again. He felt sick as his mind replayed again and again the dark promises Allison and her boyfriend had made. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this – only that he had to before they had the chance to carry their plans to completion.

 

He was mostly left alone for the greater part of the evening, as Allison and Ryan moved around the house, doing things he could hear but not see. At one point they went into what he presumed to be their bedroom, judging by the obscene cries and other noises he heard almost immediately after. Disgust mingled with the chill of fear at the implications of those sounds.

 

 _Great to know how turned on they are by holding me captive and torturing me. Perfect._

Knowing that it might be the only time he was so thoroughly ignored by his captors, Barney tried again to twist free of the cuffs, but only succeeded in further injuring his already raw, abraded wrists. When he felt the warm trickle of blood running down onto his hands, he decided it was time to give up.

 

Moments later, the door opened and Allison returned to his room. He tried not to flinch when he felt her hand on his arm, wincing as she tugged at it, aggravating his injuries. Her harsh laugh grated his already frayed nerves as she released him with a shove, and he bit back a yelp of pain as the motion caused his wrists to jerk against the merciless bonds again.

 

“Give it up, Barney,” she advised. “You’re not going to get free. You’re just going to hurt yourself… and you should really leave that to us. You’re going to be in enough pain as it is, soon enough, without doing damage to _yourself_.”

 

He tensed, but did not pull away when he felt her hand on his cheek, the heat of her barely clothed body less than inches away from his. Her free hand trailed with subtle, invasive familiarity along the line of his hip, across his stomach, as she continued to speak words of soft menace.

 

“You’re such a pretty little slut, Barney. We’re going to have _so_ much fun with you. We’ll have you begging us to stop and begging us not to in the same breath. By the time we’re finished with you, you’ll _want_ to die...” She paused, her voice taking on a note of hateful resentment as she added, “You _deserve_ to… little whore… and by the time we’re done… you’ll know it.”

 

Barney knew it was in his best interests to just keep quiet – and he almost managed to do so. He closed his mouth before allowing his retort to slip out, turning his head away from the sound of Allison’s voice and hoping she hadn’t noticed his indignant expression and the fact that he’d been about to speak.

 

She had.

 

“What?” she demanded. “What were you gonna say, Barney?”

 

He just shook his head to indicate that he had nothing to say.

 

Apparently, that was not good enough.

 

He felt the knife at his throat in the next moment, pushing his head back, and he drew in a sharp breath of alarm. He could hear the malicious smile in Allison’s voice as she leaned in close to him, her voice full of false saccharine sweetness as she slowly pressed the blade harder and harder against his flesh, just short of drawing blood.

 

“No, really, baby, tell me. What were you about to say? I won’t hurt you for telling me. I’ll hurt you for _not_ telling me, though, so you’d better just spill it, now, before I…”

 

“Okay,” Barney gasped. “Okay, just…” Allison removed the blade, and he let out a shuddering breath of relief. “Okay… it’s just… this whole thing makes no sense at all. You must have been with your boyfriend when we slept together, right? I mean… that’s the only way he’d care so much. This is a… a territorial thing for him. He wants to get back at me for touching what belongs to him. I can tell.” He paused a moment, nodding once, unable to suppress a satisfied smirk when she did not deny his assumption. “But… if that’s the case,” he continued, a bitter note to his voice, “and you were in a relationship at the time – which I _wasn’t_ , btw – then how does that make _me_ the slut in this scenario? You’re the one who was cheating. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Allison was quiet for a long moment, and Barney tensed, anticipating the quiet rage he heard in her voice when she finally spoke – but not anticipating the painful grip of her hand on his exposed genitals. He bit back a cry of pain as she grabbed him and twisted hard, in retaliation for his words that apparently had struck a rather sensitive nerve. Her voice was low, trembling with rage, yet frighteningly controlled, as she leaned in close to his ear, sharp nails digging into tender flesh to emphasize her hate-filled words of accusation.

 

“I never would have done it if you hadn’t seduced me… you filthy whore, you… _deceiver_. You tricked me into being unfaithful… tempted me and smooth-talked your way into my bed…”

 

Barney’s voice was hoarse, breaking with pain, as he tried to argue. “Well, technically…”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Barney wisely did.

 

“You almost ruined my relationship with Ryan,” Allison continued. “But you didn’t. He forgave me and now… we’re going to make you pay for what you did…” Her voice lowered slightly, and Barney got the impression she wasn’t really even talking to him as she added, barely over a whisper, “… and everything will be okay again…”

 

Allison finally released him, rising to her feet, and Barney felt a tremor of relief quake through him, his trembling shoulders sagging forward as he let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He wasn’t expecting the petulant yet powerful kick she aimed in his direction, and let out a hoarse groan of pain as the pointed toe of her shoe connected hard with his ribcage. When he doubled over in pain, she kicked him again, this time in the face, and he felt himself on the verge of blacking out, colored sparks dancing in the darkness of his blinded eyes.

 

“We’re going to get some rest,” she informed him smugly, her words echoing strangely through the blackness closing in on him. “And in the morning, we’re going to have some fun with you. So… think about that,” she sneered, “and try to sleep well.”

 

******************************

 

He didn’t remember falling asleep.

 

He guessed that he must have blacked out when she kicked him, but couldn’t remember much of anything. His head felt heavy and hazy, and he shook it slightly, trying to clear his thoughts. After a moment, he realized two new pieces of information, which seemed utterly incongruous with each other.

 

The room was completely quiet… and his wrists, while still bound behind his back, had, at some point, been unfastened from the hook on the wall.

 

He drew himself up onto his knees, listening closely for any sound to indicate the presence of anyone else in the room with him – but there was nothing. Not a breath, not the softest footstep.

 

He was alone.

 

 _Maybe they’re sleeping… but then, when did they untie me? Or maybe they just went outside for something…_

 

An idea occurred to him, but he hesitated to carry it out for fear of being caught, and incurring further rage on the part of his captors. Barney waited in silence, still listening and trying to decide, for several minutes, before finally making his choice.

 

Maybe he was alone, maybe he wasn’t – but if he was, this was not a chance he could afford to pass up.

 

He leaned back against the wall, scooting sideways and feeling with his bound hands until he located the connection point to which he’d been tied the night before. Once he found it, he moved to the side again, turning and lowering his head toward it. He could only estimate at the correct distance, but managed after a couple of tries to bring the blindfold over his eyes into contact with the metal hook and drag it up off of his eyes.

 

At first, after more than twenty-four hours denied it, the light in the room seemed terribly bright to his eyes; but after a few moments, his vision began to adjust, and Barney could take in the room in which he was being held captive.

 

It was surprisingly un-horror-movie-esque.

 

It appeared to be a rather expensive luxury cabin-style home. The room he was in seemed to be the living area, with two plush sofas and several comfortable chairs, and a flat-screen television that nearly rivaled his own along one wall. The floors were mostly hardwood, except for a small section leading down the hallway – on which small section he had been since he had awakened here the day before.

 

Barney scanned his surroundings, brightly lit by sunlight streaming through the many windows and glass doors, and was relieved to see that he was indeed alone.

 

 _They might be in the bedroom… might even be outside…_

 

He hesitated, a sick quiver going through his stomach at the thought of being caught trying to escape.

 

 _But… she said they’re going to kill me anyway. Even if they catch me… I have to at least_ try _… can’t go down without a fight…_

 

Bracing his back against the wall, Barney struggled to his feet, leaning there for a moment to catch his breath, his wide eyes warily scanning his surroundings for any sign of his captors. Reassured when no one came running to force him back onto his knees and into the blindfold, Barney took a couple of halting, uneven steps toward the door on the other side of the room.

 

Immediately, his lack of food and water over the last twenty-four hours made its presence known. Barney felt dizzy and sick to his stomach, weak with hunger and thirst, as well as the pain and trauma and exhaustion of the last day and night. It was difficult to maintain his balance with his hands bound behind him, struggling against the dizziness and nausea he felt. Still, he knew he had no choice but to press through it and get to the door. If he could get outside… get to the road…

 

He turned his back to the glass patio door that led outside, using his bound hands to turn the knob and pull it open before turning again and slipping out onto the porch. He glanced around at the densely wooded area surrounding the house, then made his way down the wooden stairs and onto the gravel drive leading up to the house.

 

Barney winced as his bare feet were battered against the small, sharp rocks, but made himself keep going through the pain. He hurried his pace despite the aching weariness of his body, well aware that this would likely be his only chance for escape – and he’d better make it good.


	5. Chapter 5

Barefoot, bound, naked, and with absolutely no idea where he was or where he was going, Barney knew that he had only a slim chance of escape – but that was a chance he had to take.

 

Allison’s dark promises echoed in his thoughts, and he knew that if he couldn’t escape _now_ , he wouldn’t likely get another chance. Once Allison and Ryan got the chance to exact their revenge, he doubted that he would be in any condition to attempt escape again.

 

Despite his clear disadvantage, it was literally now or never.

 

He blinked against the bright sunlight that met his eyes, trying to focus on his surroundings. There were no cars within sight, no other houses to offer the promise of other people and safety. The gravel driveway, sharp under his bare feet, led to a narrow dirt road that stretched off into the distance, straight and seemingly endless, surrounded by dense woods on both sides.

 

He knew that if they came after him, it would be along that road; he had to get out of sight.

 

He stumbled on the sharp rocks until he managed to reach the meager relief of coarse grass under his feet. He made his way awkwardly and clumsily into the brush that lined the dirt road, eager to find some cover to disguise him from anyone who might be pursuing him.

 

 _Gotta stay close to the road, but not on it… can’t let them see me… but can’t get lost in the woods either. There’s a ‘Would You Rather’ question for you. Would you rather… die of starvation and thirst or be eaten by wild animals in the woods… or be tortured and raped to death by a couple of psychopathic… psychos? God, Stinson, that was weak. You’ve got to focus…_ think _… you have to keep your wits about you to get out of this…_

 

His wrists ached and burned from the constant friction of the cuffs that bound them. His arms and legs felt weak and sore from the bruising exhaustion of being bound and forced to kneel for hours on end. Regardless, he knew he had to go on.

 

A soft snapping sound beside him drew his attention, and Barney whirled around, staring through wide, wild eyes at the woods surrounding him. He was not reassured in the slightest when he saw no sign of pursuit. He spun around again, his pace picking up to a trot that only lasted a few dozen yards before he went down, tripped by some root or other obstacle he’d missed in his panic.

 

He struggled back to his feet, gasping for breath, gazing frantically around him, certain that he was being followed, but unable to find the threat in the dim, dense undergrowth of the forest. He turned around and started moving again, his pace hurried, hearing suspicious sounds that might have been the snap of twigs and leaves under someone’s boots – or might have simply been the rustling of the wind.

 

His near-run slowed to a halt when he realized with a sick sensation that he could no longer see the road to his right. He headed in that direction, wanting to make sure it was still there – and realized with alarm and dismay that it was not. Somehow, in his panic, he’d gotten so turned around that he no longer knew which direction he was going.

 

 _Nice, Stinson. That’s just great. Can’t even run in a straight line without getting lost._

 

His breath quickened with fear and exhaustion as he heard another strange sound and took off again through the undergrowth, knowing only that he had to get away before he was caught. He was simply fleeing blindly, heedless of his direction and the obstacles in his path.

 

He hadn’t gone far at all when he tripped again, falling forward hard onto his battered knees. He bit back a groan of pain, struggling to rise, only to stumble and fall again. His lungs burned from the combination of the strain of his flight and the cool morning air; and he felt dizzy and disoriented, hearing the rush of his own blood pounding in his ears.

 

 _Get up… they’re coming, they’re behind you… get up, you idiot, get up,_ get up!

 

It was already too late.

 

Harsh hands grabbed him from behind – one grasping his arm, the other in his hair – and hauled him to his feet. The hand in his hair shifted to his throat, just short of choking him, and he heard Ryan’s voice hiss into his ear with mocking softness.

 

“Need some help, Barney? The road’s that way.” He roughly turned Barney about forty-five degrees to the left before explaining with a sneer. “You were headed back toward the house.”

 

He laughed with cruel triumph at Barney’s pitiful failure, and then abruptly released him with a hard shove that knocked him face first into the trunk of a tree a few feet away. Dazed by the blow, Barney collapsed to the ground at the base of the tree. Warm, sticky fluid flowed from a gash above his eye, obscuring his vision, as his head rolled sideways against the tree and he struggled to catch his breath.

 

Above the ringing in his ears from the blow, he could hear hurried footsteps crashing through the brush.

 

Allison.

 

Her harsh laugh grated against his already frayed nerves, and he felt his face flush with shame and humiliation at the position in which he’d found himself – naked, defeated, and helpless at the feet of his captors.

 

Allison added insult – and injury, too, really – to his numerous existing injuries with a brutal kick to his face that slammed his head into the tree again, hard. Barney was too dazed to resist as Ryan grabbed him again, dragging him to his feet.

 

“Oh, Barney,” Allison sneered softly, moving in close in front of him and stroking an invasive hand across his hip. “We already told you… you can’t get away.” She smiled with cruel pleasure as he jerked instinctively away from her touch, but was unable to escape as she followed the movement and pulled him back into place, sharp fingernails digging into his bruised, scratched skin. She leaned in close to whisper against his ear, sending a shiver of dread down his spine. “That was very stupid, baby. Now we’ll have to punish you.”

 

Barney fought weakly to free himself from the sickening intimacy of her hands on his vulnerable, exposed body, but she just laughed at him, running her hands over him again, just to prove that she could. When she finally backed off, Ryan began to drag him back toward the house. Barney struggled to keep his footing, but it was difficult due to the hurried pace at which they were moving, and his feet and legs were battered and scratched by the rocks and branches along the way.

 

He was dazed, disoriented, and in pain as they reached the front porch of the cabin, and Barney found himself feeling a twisted sense of relief just to know that the painful trip back was about to be over. Before they could enter, however, he heard Allison’s voice call out from just behind them.

 

“Hey, Ryan. Check this out.”

 

Ryan spun around, dragging Barney with him – and Barney’s blood ran cold at the horrific sight that met his eyes. Allison was standing next to a stump that was marked with countless small gashes, with a large pile of firewood stacked beside it. The axe that had apparently cut that wood was in her hands, and a maliciously eager grin was on her lips, a vicious gleam in her eyes. Her voice was terrifyingly soft, and she held Barney’s gaze as she addressed her boyfriend.

 

“Maybe we should make sure he doesn’t try it again?”

 

Panic took over, and Barney struggled uselessly against his captor, shaking his head and fighting to free himself, though it was a losing battle with his hands bound behind his back.

 

“No,” he gasped out, his voice trembling with terror. “No, don’t, please, _don’t_ …”

 

Ryan released his grip on his throat and turned to face him, maintaining his grip on Barney’s arm as he backhanded him hard with his fist. Barney was silenced by the blow, as Ryan jerked him close again, one hand fisted in the hair at the back of his head.

 

This was the first opportunity Barney had gotten to see Ryan; but he couldn’t help but look away from the cold, piercing blue eyes inches from his own, framed by dark, greasy hair pulled back into a sloppy ponytail that only fell to the back of Ryan’s neck. Ryan was about Marshall’s size, if a bit leaner, and his cruel smile added to the intimidation factor as he spoke softly, his breath hot and damp against Barney’s face.

 

“You fight me again, you little bitch… and you’ll _wish_ all we’d done to you was cripple you so you couldn’t get away.” He paused, edging in yet nearer, smiling into Barney’s wide, terror-stricken eyes as he whispered, “You have no idea what we’re capable of, Barney. You wanna find out?”

 

Barney shook his head rapidly, biting back a cry of sheer panic, his entire body shaking violently with the effort to control his fight-or-flight instincts. Satisfied for the moment, Ryan turned and jerked him toward the stump. Barney didn’t fight, but he shook his head desperately, a constant stream of pleading babble escaping his lips, despite his initial determination not to let his captors see his fear.

 

“Don’t, please don’t… I won’t try to run again, I swear, _please_ …’

 

“He can’t run without feet, can he?” Allison mused, callousedly ignoring his pleas. “He’d be helpless.”

 

“Even just one,” Ryan agreed. “It’d definitely solve the problem.”

 

“Or, you know,” Allison shrugged. “We could castrate him right here and now. Feet or no feet, I guarantee he won’t have what it takes to make a run for it _then_. What do you think?”

 

Barney felt sick, his heart racing with terror, pressing unconsciously backward against Ryan’s unyielding frame as he shook his head, his words a near sob of desperate panic.

 

“No… no, don’t… you d-don’t have to, please…”

 

“But you know, the thing about any kind of amputation,” Ryan pointed out in a casually disappointed, almost bored tone, “is that in a setting like this, he could easily get some kind of infection. Could kill him before we’ve had a chance to have our fun.”

 

Allison’s pretty lips turned downward in a petulant pout, and she let out a heavy sigh. “Fine. We’ll go with something less… permanent, then.”

 

Barney was well aware that his reaction was premature, yet he couldn’t help nearly collapsing with relief as Allison returned the axe to its groove in the stump and followed him and Ryan inside. They stopped on the carpet where he had been bound before. As Allison retrieved an old blanket from another room and laid it on the floor – presumably to protect it from the blood streaming from the gash on Barney’s head – Ryan jerked him backward by the hair, his lips brushing against Barney’s ear as he spoke with hushed menace.

 

“We just spared you a horrible fate. What do you say, you ungrateful little bitch?”

 

Barney’s traumatized mind was a blank for a long, sickening moment, before he realized what it was that Ryan wanted him to say. Despite the absurdity of it, he knew he had no choice but to comply.

 

“Th-thank you,” he stammered hurriedly. “Thank you for not… for not…” He couldn’t make himself finish the horrific thought, so instead added in a trembling voice, “I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I won’t… won’t try anything… I’m sorry…”

 

“Shut up,” Ryan ordered softly, shoving Barney down onto his knees on the blanket.

 

“Ooh, I’ve got an idea!” Allison suddenly interjected, chilling, childlike glee in her voice.

 

Barney waited, trembling and sick with dread, as Allison disappeared into the kitchen, and Ryan stood guard over him, making sure he didn’t try to run again. Allison returned without moments, carrying something in her hand behind her back. She knelt on the floor facing Barney, giving him a wicked, secretive smirk.

 

“I’ve got a surprise for you, baby,” she confessed with a sly wink. Her smile faded into cold malice as she added, “You’ve earned it.”

 

She took her prize from behind her back, allowing him to see it and process its implications for a moment. Barney’s stomach lurched when he recognized the long, narrow, red-and-black grill lighter she held in her hand. She pressed the button a time or two, toying with the tiny flame that issued from the end of the lighter.

 

Barney instinctively edged backward, shaking his head, eyes wide and stricken with horror. “No… no, don’t…”

 

Ryan immediately stopped his progress with a hard hand on his shoulder, the other dragging his head backward as the larger man crouched behind him, murmuring softly in his ear.

 

“You’d better keep your mouth shut, Barney. Every word is just gonna make it worse for you.”

 

Barney bit his lower lip, struggling between his knowledge that disobedience would only bring further pain, and his instincts screaming at him to do something, _anything_ , to prevent the horrible agony Allison was intent on inflicting upon him. He closed his eyes, turning his head away, shaking it slightly in a silent plea as Allison brought the tiny flame within an inch of his bare stomach.

 

Ryan was holding him still, not allowing him to pull away, and Barney could feel the searing heat of the flame, singeing his skin though not quite touching it, as Allison brought it near, then drew it away, then brought it near again – cruelly toying with him.

 

“In a few seconds… you’ll know better than to resist us again.”

 

She murmured the softly confident words – just before bringing the flame into contact with the sensitive skin of his stomach. Barney couldn’t hold back the cry of anguish that rose to his lips; but neither of his captors seemed to care. He knew now that Allison had told him the truth before: they were really in a place where no one could hear him, no one could come to his aid.

 

It didn’t matter how loudly he screamed.

 

Allison burned several intricate shapes into his stomach, unmoved as he writhed and cried out for mercy. When she got bored with that game, she moved around behind him. It was only when he felt Ryan’s foot pressing downward on his ankle, pinning his foot in place, that Barney realized what she intended. He bucked and struggled to pull free, in panic, but Ryan was too strong, and his attempts were useless.

 

“No,” he sobbed out, his voice hoarse and weak from his previous screams. “Please don’t… no…”

 

Allison ignored his pleas, and the screams that followed, as she cruelly burned the bottoms of each of his feet in turn. When she was finally finished, Ryan released his grip on Barney’s hair, and the shaken, anguished captive collapsed forward onto his face, gasping for breath, sobbing silently against the soft fabric beneath him. He shuddered with dread as he felt a soft, small hand stroking gently through his sweat-dampened, disheveled hair. Allison’s voice was soft and deceptively gentle as she spoke next to his ear.

 

“Let’s see you try to go anywhere _now_.”

 

*****************************

 

The busy police detective looked up from the paperwork he was filling out in surprise as the door to his office abruptly opened, and a pretty brunette stalked purposefully inside. She laid a sheet of paper with a series of hastily scrawled notes on the desk in front of him, waiting until he looked up at her in a silent question to explain.

 

“I’m Robin Scherbatsky…”

 

The detective let out a heavy sigh, rolling his eyes as he recognized the name of the young woman who’d been calling so insistently for the past couple of days. He opened his mouth to protest her intrusion, but she spoke again before he could.

 

“His car has been parked on the street outside the bar where I last saw him for the past two days. He hasn’t been to his apartment, and he’s not answering any calls or texts. His phone has gone dead, and if you knew him, you’d know that _never_ happens.”

 

She placed a hand on the desk and leaned forward, holding the detective’s gaze intently as she stated in a tone that suggested she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

 

“It’s been forty-eight hours, detective. It’s time to start taking me seriously."


	6. Chapter 6

Barney’s entire world had been reduced to an unending haze of agony and suffering.

 

His shoulders shook with silent sobs, hands still bound behind him, the burns on his feet and his stomach making his skin feel as if it was on fire. The intense, searing pain drowned out any attempt at cohesive thought, as Barney just lay there, quietly gasping for breath, in a state of uncontrolled shock and horror. ****

They had left him alone for a few minutes, and he felt a weak sense of gratitude for that small mercy; he wasn’t sure he could bear anything more at the moment without breaking completely. ****

Apparently, whatever force of fate hated Barney Stinson enough to have created this entire situation heard that particular thought, because it was mere moments later when Barney heard the dreaded sound of footsteps approaching him again.

 

Ryan crouched beside him, and Barney couldn’t hold back a strangled whimper of pain and terror as he grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked his head up off the carpet. Barney bit down on his lower lip, struggling to control his own reactions, his eyes tightly screwed shut against whatever new horror his captors might have in mind.

 

Ryan’s voice was hushed and softly taunting as he leaned in close to hiss in Barney’s ear, “You didn’t think we were finished with you, did you?” He let out a chilling laugh of cruel amusement, before his tone became deadly serious and he issued a soft order.

 

“Get up on your knees, bitch.”

 

Barney’s stomach lurched with panic. He knew there was no way he was physically capable of obeying the command; but he also knew that if he failed to obey it, he would certainly be punished with further suffering. He struggled pathetically to draw his legs up under him, drawing in a shuddering gasp as he accidentally dragged his burned feet along the carpet. He collapsed to the floor again with a choked sob, shaking his head pleadingly.

 

“I can’t,” he whispered, his trembling voice breaking over his pitifully desperate words. “Please, I… I can’t…”

 

“Awww… need a little help, sweetie?”

 

Allison’s coarse laugh joined Ryan’s, her cruel words Barney’s first indication that she was even there. She knelt in front of him, bracing her hands on his shoulders as Ryan moved to kneel behind Barney, abruptly shoving his legs forward so that his knees folded under him, and his ass was elevated. A shiver of revulsion passed through Barney as a large, rough hand stroked slowly, suggestively, over his exposed, vulnerable skin, and he realized what they intended.

 

He shook his head frantically, his hands flexing uselessly against the cuffs that bit into his wrists.

 

“Please,” he sobbed. “Please don’t do this… you don’t have to do this…”

 

“Barney, baby,” Allison soothed him with false sympathy, running a hand through his hair before jerking his head up, smiling coldly into his wide, shell-shocked eyes as she shook her head with a laughing smile. “Who said anything about ‘ _had_ to’?”

 

A soft sound near his ear drew his attention, and Barney flinched as she brought the lighter, already lit, close to his face again. She settled comfortably on the floor in front of him, playing with the flame, lighting and extinguishing it again and again as she spoke in a voice of calm, subtle menace.

 

“Now, you’re just gonna hold still like a good little slut… and do exactly what we tell you to do… and maybe I won’t scar your pretty face beyond recognition.” Her smile twisted into a nasty smirk, her voice a hushed, secretive whisper as she added, “Not that anyone but us is ever gonna see you again.”

 

Barney was shaking hard, terrified by her words as much as by what he knew was about to happen to him. Contrary to Allison’s demeaning assumptions about him, Barney had never been with a man before – well, unless he counted that brief experimental phase in college, and that had never gone anywhere near this far. He had no idea what to expect – besides utter, overwhelming agony. He flinched violently as he felt Ryan steady himself behind him, hard hands gripping his hips and shifting his body into position.

 

“Please, don’t…” He couldn’t stop the helpless, desperate pleas from leaving his trembling lips. “Don’t, don’t, no…”

 

“Shhh,” Allison murmured, allowing his head to fall back against the floor, running slow, deceptively gentle fingers through his hair in a falsely soothing gesture. Her gentle tone was in chilling contrast to the harsh cruelty of her words. “Come on, Barney… don’t pretend you don’t want this. We both know what a little whore you are...”

 

Barney let out a sharp, hoarse cry of anguish as Ryan shoved into him without any warning or preparation, his back arching with agony as his body was torn open. Allison released his hair to deliver a hard slap to the side of his face, snarling with clear menace in her voice.

 

“ _Shut up_.”

 

Barney bit down on his lower lip until he tasted his own blood, struggling desperately to hold back the sobs and screams that rose in his throat. He tensed but kept still when he felt Allison’s hand grip his hair, pressing the side of his face hard against the rough carpet beneath him. Ryan was thrusting slowly in and out of him, his progress ironically eased by the steady flow of Barney’s blood as lubrication.

 

Between his two captors and the restraints that bound him, Barney found that he could barely move at all. He felt suffocated, claustrophobic, as Allison shifted in closer to him, reaching her free hand down between his trembling thighs to stroke soft fingertips slowly up the length of his utterly flaccid cock.

 

Barney shuddered with shame and revulsion as she began slowly circling his soft organ with varied and expert touches that, to his horror, began to slowly bring him to an unwilling state of arousal. His face flushed with humiliation; somehow, what Allison was doing to him was almost worse than the violation Ryan was committing. He tried to shake his head, gasping for breath, struggling to maintain his composure – and failing miserably.

 

“Please, don’t…” he sobbed. “Please… don’t touch me…”

 

Allison ignored his pathetic begging for mercy, simply intensifying her efforts as his traitorous cock began to swell and rise. She laughed, and a searing chill of sick shame flowed through his entire body at the mingled amusement and disgust in the sound.

 

“I knew it. Told you, Barney,” she sneered softly, leaning in close to speak into his ear, without stopping what she was doing. “I know you… know who and what you are… and you’re nothing but a disgusting little slut… a sick little whore who likes being used and degraded. You like this… don’t you, Barney?”

 

“No,” he insisted desperately. “I don’t… no…” Tears streamed from his eyes, streaking his flushed face and trailing down to dampen the carpet beneath him. “Please stop… please stop…” ****

“You don’t really want me to,” Allison softly insisted as Barney’s erection jerked slightly under her expert ministrations. “You can lie and say you do… but your body doesn’t lie, Barney. You don’t want to admit it, but you’re getting off on this… on being raped and tortured and violated. You _want_ this…”

 

“ _No_ …”

 

Barney desperately insisted that she was wrong – but he wasn’t so sure anymore. He felt sick with shame and self-disgust as he felt his body tighten in response to her touch, and knew that he was on the vergeof completion. He was in pain, terrified, desperate for escape – but now, also desperate for the release she was giving him.

 

Ryan’s pace had gradually sped up until he was pounding ruthlessly into Barney’s body, slamming him again and again into the carpet – as his girlfriend provided a disturbing contrast, increasing the rhythm of her soft touches to bring Barney to the brink of orgasm. As Ryan thrust one last time, letting out a guttural cry of pleasure and satisfaction, Allison gave a slight twist as she pulled downward on Barney’s erection, a smirk of cruel satisfaction forming on her lips as he came.

 

“See?” she whispered, leaning in close so that her warm breath brushed against his skin as she viciously hissed cold venom into his ear. “Can’t lie about _that_ , can you? Whore.”

 

Confusion filled Barney’s traumatized and violated mind and heart as he tried to comprehend what had just happened to him, and only managed to come up with one horrifying, humiliating conclusion.

 

 _She’s right. You’re disgusting. Barney Stinson, you are so irrevocably screwed up… such a worthless, pathetic slut… if you get off even on_ this _. Sex is sex, right? And you’ll take it anywhere you can get it. Dirty, disgusting, worthless whore… If you get off on it… guess you deserve it…_

 

He was left in numb agony, the vicious circle of self-hatred swirling through his mind as he lay there, trying very hard not to move, not to feel… not to exist.

 

Barney wanted nothing more in that moment than just to die, so it would all be over – because he knew now, more clearly than ever, that that was the only way he was going to get out of this.

 

************************

 

Marshall paced anxiously back and forth in the waiting area at the police station, glancing every few seconds toward the closed door to the room where Robin had gone with the police detective, to give her statement and initiate the investigation. She’d been in there for nearly an hour – which was probably a good thing, as it could mean that they were taking her seriously – but the waiting was beginning to get to Marshall.

 

He had just sat down again when the door opened, and he looked up hopefully as Robin stepped out of the room, alone. The expression on her face quickly killed the hope on his own, as he rose to fall into pace with her. He glanced over his shoulder toward the door as they headed for the exit.

 

“What happened? Are they going to investigate? They believed you, right?”

 

“Yeah, they’re going to investigate, but they haven’t got a lot to go on,” Robin sighed, her expression dark and troubled. She didn’t look at him as they made their way to the car, clearly lost in her own thoughts. “And I got the distinct impression that a missing adult male with no signs of foul play isn’t exactly the NYPD’s highest priority.”

 

“But that’s ridiculous!” Marshall objected as he got into the driver’s seat. “Barney’s pulled some crazy stunts, yeah… but this isn’t like him! He wouldn’t just disappear – not for this long…”

 

“They don’t know him, so they don’t know that.” Robin’s frustration was clear in her voice. “And it wasn’t like I had a lot to go on. I described that girl at the bar, but she probably didn’t even have anything to do with it… and besides that, I’ve got nothing.”

 

“Well, maybe she saw something.” Marshall shrugged. “She’s the last one we know was with him…” He paused, frowning thoughtfully as he pulled onto the road and headed back toward Barney’s apartment. “Did they try to trace his phone?”

 

Robin nodded morosely. “Tried. They only can if it’s on, and it’s not.”

 

Marshall nodded slowly, as if not really surprised by that answer. He thought a moment longer before making a suggestion. “You know… if the cops aren’t going to do anything right away… maybe _we_ can find out who that girl was, and talk to her.”

 

Robin sighed, leaning back in the seat, resting her head against the headrest and covering her eyes with her hands. “Barney didn’t even tell me her name…”

 

“Well, you said she was at the bar, right?” Marshall reminded her, giving her a glance before looking into his rearview mirror. “Maybe Carl knows who she is.”

 

Robin looked at him, considering this possibility. “She wasn’t a regular… but he might have noticed something…”

 

*************************

 

“Ashley something? I don’t know…” Carl was at a loss, shaking his head slowly as he tried to remember. “I’d never seen her in here before…” ****

“Barney apologized to her,” Robin offered. “ _That_ ought to be memorable enough to prompt _something_ …”

 

Carl’s eyes widened and he held up a halting hand. “Wait a second. Yeah. I _did_ notice that bit. Caught me completely off guard. Thought maybe it was one of the signs of the apocalypse or something, you know?”

 

He swallowed, his smile fading when neither Marshall nor Robin laughed at his little joke. Carl frowned thoughtfully, trying to remember. “Yeah, I saw her. Pretty blonde… _really_ didn’t like Barney much… but he still ended up leaving with her, didn’t he? And he didn’t even remember her name when he walked up to the bar…”

 

Carl closed his eyes, thinking for a moment before opening them with a wide, triumphant smile.

 

“Allison. That was it. Allison Sharpe.”


	7. Chapter 7

As it turned out, according to the yellow pages, there were twenty-two Allison Sharpes in the New York area. Robin and the others spent the next three days tracking down every last one of them, a task which took longer than they might have hoped due to the fact that Robin had to see each one in person to know whether or not they were the girl she’d seen Barney talking to at the bar.

 

Finally, they managed to eliminate all of the women in question but one, who had not been home any of the various times they’d stopped by her apartment. Marshall and Lily both had to be at work, so Ted accompanied Robin on her fourth visit to the home of the final Allison Sharpe.

 

Robin cursed under her breath in frustration when once again, there was no answer.

 

“This has to be the right one,” she muttered. “We’ve eliminated all the others.”

 

“Assuming the girl even lives in the New York area,” Ted reminded her with gentle, cautious warning. “Even if it _is_ her… this is still kind of a long shot, isn’t it? I mean… it’s possible this girl didn’t even see anything.”

 

“Well, if she didn’t then one of our best friends has disappeared off the face of the earth and we have no other way to find him…” Robin’s tone was terse and stubborn, leaving no doubt as to her determination not to give up. “… so we’d better hope she did.” ****

****She knocked again, but no one answered.

 

Ted didn’t dare to speak as they made their way back to the rental car he’d acquired for the search – much more convenient than repeatedly paying for cabs all day for three days straight.

 

Once they were in the car, Robin leaned forward, resting her head on the dashboard for a moment. Ted extended a tentative hand to rest on her back, just below her shoulder, rubbing gently in a slow, soothing circle.

 

“We’ll find him, Robin,” he assured her, though he was not at all sure it was true. “He’ll be fine, I promise.”

 

“You can’t know that,” she mumbled, her words barely distinguishable from behind her folded arms. “There’s no way for you to know whether or not he’s even…”

 

Her words trailed off as her cell phone began to ring, and Robin took it from her purse with a weary sigh. Suddenly, her eyes went wide with amazement and disbelief, and she looked up at Ted with stricken eyes.

 

“Who is it?” he asked her with urgent impatience.

 

Her voice was an awed whisper, incredulous and almost suspicious as she gave him the startling answer.

 

“It’s… it’s _Barney_!” ****

************************

 

Barney lay on his side on his small strip of carpet, his entire body trembling with the combined effect of cold, hunger, exhaustion, terror, and pure blinding agony. The last three days had passed in a haze of unending torment, as Allison and Ryan had stretched the borders of their sadistic imaginations to devise a limitless list of vicious, torturous “games” to play with their helpless captive.

 

Barney’s entire body was covered in cuts and bruises, coated in a filthy film of blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids that he didn’t want to think about too clearly. His feet and hands had both been severely burned, more than once, as had various patches of sensitive skin on the rest of his body. He was fairly certain Ryan had managed to break several of his ribs, as well as his left leg, with the brutal blows delivered by his fists and feet. ****

They had given him only a few sips of water since they’d taken him, and nothing to eat. Barney felt dizzy and light-headed, his thoughts muddled and confusing as he tried in vain to come up with some way out of this living nightmare – until he _stopped_ trying. By this point, Barney had all but accepted the fact that he was going to exist here in this state of agony until they got tired of their cruel games… and then, he was going to die. ****

As Allison had promised – they had broken him.

 

He had begged and cried and screamed with agony, overwhelmed with his own humiliation at giving them what they wanted – his own utter and complete abasement – but unable to fight the sheer survival instinct that pushed him to do _anything_ , no matter how degrading, that might help him survive another moment.

 

He didn’t want to think about some of those things he had done.

 

He shuddered, fighting off a sense of nausea as he tried to focus on his surroundings instead.

 

He had been left alone for the past hour.

 

Ryan had gone outside and Barney had heard the car’s engine start up nearly an hour ago. Allison had lain down on the sofa just beyond him, its high back obscuring her from his view; but he could hear the soft sounds of her snoring and knew that she was asleep.

 

 _They said they’d kill me when they got tired of this… and they’ve left me alone for an hour now. When he gets back… they’re going to kill me…_

 

After all he’d been through, Barney was surprised that he still feared death – but he did.

 

Once again, his traumatized mind began searching for some means of escape. His disjointed thoughts somehow made their winding way to his cell phone, where he had seen it the night before, tossed aside on a pile of his clothing and other belongings in the corner of the bedroom.

 

His mind’s defense mechanisms quickly blocked any thoughts of exactly what had taken place in that bedroom, and he struggled to focus on the phone. ****

_She’s asleep. If there’s still any battery left… if I could get to the phone…_

 

They had tied and untied and retied him so many times in the past few days that he’d lost count. Fortunately at this point, they knew that he was far too weak and injured to get past the front door, so they hadn’t bothered to do more than to tie his wrists together in front of him. Barney pulled himself forward weakly on his elbows, trying to drag himself the twenty feet or so to the bedroom door.

 

He immediately froze, biting back a cry of anguish at the searing pain that seemed to radiate from his battered ribcage and his damaged leg, throughout the rest of his body. He nearly blacked out from the pain alone, but managed to stay conscious, struggling to keep silence while catching his breath and steeling himself for the next attempt.

 

It hurt _so bad_ – but he had no other choice.

 

It was a long and agonizing process, made more terrifying by the knowledge that at any moment, Allison might wake up or Ryan might return, and Barney would face more suffering as a consequence for his failed attempt.

 

 _But it’s almost over anyway… they’re done with me, and they’re going to kill me… I have to try…_

 

Barney was infinitely grateful that the bedroom door was open. He crawled slowly through the doorway and toward the pile of clothes in the corner. His suit was crumpled in a heap with his shirt and underclothes, but otherwise undamaged. It seemed surreal, given the state of his body, to see the clothes he had worn the night he was taken.

 

It seemed like several lifetimes ago – almost as if he’d never really existed before the horror of this place… only dreamed it.

 

 _It_ was _real… wasn’t it?_

 

Desperately Barney snatched up his IPhone in trembling hands, fumbling with his raw, burned fingers to turn it on, cringing when the quiet greeting chime echoed in the stillness of the not-quite-empty house. He looked over his shoulder with dread, waiting for Allison to appear in the doorway – but she did not. Relief overwhelmed him as he returned his attention to his prize, surprised and grateful to see that it still had half the battery remaining. He held his breath as he pressed speed dial one to call Robin’s cell phone.

 

**************************

 

Robin held her breath as she pressed the call receive button and put her phone to her ear.

 

“Hello?” She barely breathed out the word. “Barney?”

 

Only silence met her words for a long, awful moment, before Robin heard a sharp, shallow gasp on the other end of the line, the first indication that there was actually someone there. ****

“Barney? Is that you?”

 

“R-robin…” Her name was little more than a ragged, broken sob on the other line, and Robin’s heart clenched at the sound. “I… I need…”

 

“Barney, where are you? What’s happened?” she asked, struggling to keep her voice calm. Something raw and jagged and shattered in his tone struck an instinctive chord deep within her, and she knew on some primal level, too deep to really tell _how_ she knew, that something unspeakably horrible had happened to him. “Talk to me, sweetie, I need to know how to help you…”

 

“I’ve been… a-abducted…” His voice sounded weak and breathless, as if he was badly injured and in a lot of pain. “I… they’re… holding me prisoner in this… this cabin…”

 

“Do you know where you are?”

 

Barney was silent for a long moment before finally responding with a despairing sob. “ _No_ … I-I’m sorry…”

 

“No, no, Barney, it’s okay,” she tried to reassure him, tears springing to her eyes at the broken sound of his voice, and the very thought that he was apologizing to her – as if it was _his_ fault that he’d been kidnapped, and had no idea where he’d been taken. “Listen… do you know who they are? What they want?”

 

“A-allison… Sharpe…”

 

“They want her?”

 

“No… she… she t-took… she…”

 

Realization dawned on Robin as he stumbled over his words, and her eyes went wide with understanding. “Wait… she _did_ this? She’s the one who kidnapped you?” Robin had thought that Allison might know what happened; she’d never really considered that the girl might be _responsible_ for Barney’s disappearance.

 

“Yeah…” Barney’s voice sounded slurred and listless when he spoke again, as if his very meager store of energy was about to give out. “She… she wants to… she’s… h-hurt me…”

 

“Barney, have you seen your surroundings at all? Do you have any idea where you are?”

 

“Woods,” Barney tried, his voice barely audible now. “M-middle of nowhere. Don’t… don’t know…”

 

“Okay… okay, hang on, Barney, we’re gonna help you, okay? We’re gonna call the police, and we’re gonna come find you… okay?”

 

“Well, isn’t _this_ interesting. Just what do you think you’re doing, baby?”

 

Robin’s chest seized up with a cold feeling of terror when she suddenly heard a cruel, menacing female voice near to the phone, slightly muffled but still clear enough to understand. The sheer panic in Barney’s trembling whimper made her mouth go dry, her heart pounding with dread.

 

“I’m sorry… no, I’m s-sorry, please…”

 

“Not good enough.”

 

The woman’s voice was hard and dangerous, and Robin heard a thumping sound, followed by a cry of pain and terror.

 

“Barney? _Barney_!” Robin cried out in helpless fear. “We’re coming, okay? We’re coming!”

 

She couldn’t be sure if he’d heard her or not, because the line was dead by the time she finished speaking. She stared at the phone for a stunned moment of horrified shock before looking up at Ted, blind determination in her eyes. She got out of the car, taking her purse as she stalked purposefully back up toward the door.

 

“Robin?” Ted followed her, clearly uncertain as to what she was doing. He’d only caught her side of the conversation, and didn’t yet know what she did. “Where is he? What’d he say? Robin?”

 

Ted’s eyes widened when Robin took her pistol from her purse. He obviously hadn’t had any idea she’d even been carrying it.

 

Robin didn’t really care what he thought at the moment.

 

As she took aim at the lock on the front door of Allison’s apartment, Ted stepped back, hands raised in a halting gesture.

 

“Robin, no… what are you…? We can’t just _break in_ …”

 

“She has Barney, and she’s hurting him. We have to find out where she’s taken him, and we don’t have time to wait around for the cops to show up…”

 

“We won’t have long to wait if someone hears the…” Ted’s voice trailed off as Robin pulled the trigger and he flinched… but there was only a soft _ping_ as opposed to the loud blast he’d anticipated. “… shot…”

 

Despite the situation, Robin spared him a wry half-smile as she stepped through the door with a shrug.

 

“Silencers are cool.”

 

***********************

 

Barney flinched violently, his shaking hands dropping the phone to the floor, as Allison swiftly closed the distance between them. She kicked the phone away from his hand across the floor – kicking his damaged fingers in the process – and knocked it against the wall behind him, where it shattered into a dozen pieces. Unmoved by the strangled cry of pain that left Barney’s lips, she reached down and grasped his hair, twisting viciously as she dragged him across the room and out into the living area. Once there, she allowed him to fall to the floor on his face, his bound hands folded beneath him as he struggled through the agony that consumed his abused body to pull himself up to his knees.

 

“You have _really_ screwed up this time, Barney,” Allison declared, her voice trembling with fury as she kicked him in the stomach, knocking him back down onto his face on the floor. “You little _idiot_!” She kicked him again, and he coughed hard, gasping for breath.

 

“Please,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

 

She grabbed his hair again and yanked his head up, dragging him to the side of the sofa and yanking his head back over the arm of it to expose his throat. Barney flinched when he heard the sound of her switchblade opening, closing his eyes, his breath quickening with panic when he felt the cold, smooth steel against his throat. Her voice was frighteningly close to his ear and he jumped slightly when she spoke again, low and menacing and sickeningly intimate.

 

“Too late, baby,” she informed him. “Guess what?” There was cruel amusement in her voice, and he opened his eyes to meet hers with dread, his heart sinking at her final smiling words. “I’m bored now."


	8. Chapter 8

“So… Barney _told_ you that this Allison is the one who took him?” Ted’s voice was dubious as he reluctantly followed Robin into the strange apartment. “What happened? Why did you hang up?”

 

Robin’s mouth was tight, her eyes solemn and troubled, as she replied shortly, “Yes, she did… and… she caught him calling.”

 

Confused, Ted frowned, shaking his head. “But, why would she…?”

 

“Ted… she was hurting him. I heard him…” Robin’s voice trailed off and she shook her head, unable to make herself finish that sentence. “There’s literally no time to waste with explanations. We need to figure out where she’s taken him.”

 

Ted nodded in silent agreement, knowing better than to push Robin for anything more when she was in such a precarious emotional state. He made his way into the bedroom, turning on the light as he entered and scanning the room for anything useful, though he really wasn’t sure what he was looking for.

 

 _An address, maybe? Something with Barney’s name on it somewhere?_

 

When Ted looked in the closet, his stomach clenched with a cold sensation of dread at the disturbing sight he found. Taped to the back wall, behind Allison’s clothes, were dozens of pictures – all of Barney. They were the sort of shots that might have been taken by a private investigator – candid, but clearly not taken with the consent or knowledge of the photographer’s subject.

 

With a shudder, Ted turned away from the closet, crossing the room again to look under the bed. On the stand beside the bed, he saw a framed picture of a young blonde woman and a rather trashy looking man, his arm wrapped possessively around her.

 

Filing the image away for future reference, if necessary, Ted crouched beside the bed, reaching under it. He pulled out a spiral notebook, worn around the edges, and filled inside with page after page of handwritten notes. The shivery, unsettled sensation returned as he read what she had written.

 

 _She’s been planning this for months… stalking him… it’s a revenge thing…_

 _Oh, Barney… what kind of psycho crazy shit have you gotten yourself into this time?_

 

He rose to his feet, taking the journal with him as he headed toward the living room to show Robin what he’d found. He jumped when she unexpectedly met him in the bedroom doorway, a look of purposeful victory in her eyes as she held up a small scrap of white notebook paper.

 

“This is the address of some vacation cabins for rental in Jersey. There’s a phone number, too, and a cabin number, under the name of John Jackson.”

 

Ted let out a soft scoffing sound. “ _That’s_ a fake name if ever there was one.”

“Yep.” Robin extended the ‘p’ sound on the end of the word with an audible pop. “This must be where she’s taken him…”

 

“They,” Ted amended with a warning look, stepping back into the bedroom to pick up the picture and show it to her. “If it was reserved under a guy’s name, chances are she’s working with a guy – probably this one. I think he’s her boyfriend. So, we’re dealing with two kidnappers, not just one…”

 

Robin shrugged, taking her gun out of her purse again and holding it up. “This holds six rounds. I think that oughta be enough.”

 

**************************

 

Barney held his breath, his eyes tightly closed, every ounce of his consciousness focused in on the feel of the sharp blade against his throat.

 

 _This is it… I’m going to die…_

 

Given his circumstances, the thought was almost a relief.

 

He flinched, opening his eyes in startled alarm at the sound of the front door opening. Heavy, now-familiar footsteps crossed the floor – then stopped as Ryan caught sight of the scene before him.

 

“What happened?” he asked, beginning to move again to close the distance between himself and the living area, where Allison still held Barney on his knees, his head drawn back across the arm of the sofa. “What’d he do, Allie?”

 

“This little _shit_ ,” Allison snarled, jerking on Barney’s hair and causing him to wince with pain, “snuck into our bedroom and got his hands on the phone. Made a call, too, before I caught him.”

 

Ryan stared down at Barney in cold, calm scrutiny for a long moment before slowly moving closer to him, into his space. Allison released him, moving the knife and moving away a bit to allow her boyfriend access. Barney cautiously lowered his head to relieve the pressure on his throat, instinctively pressing back against the side of the sofa, trembling with dread as Ryan crouched down in front of him. He was on eye level now, but Barney’s gaze was locked onto the floor, his breath quickening with panicked anticipation of Ryan’s reaction to his defiance.

 

Barney flinched, drawing in a sharp gasp as Ryan shot out a hand to grasp his throat, pinning him against the arm of the sofa. More slowly, in a smooth gesture of almost gentle menace, Ryan’s other hand slid up Barney’s side to wrap lightly around the base of his ribcage – directly over his broken ribs.

 

Ryan’s voice was deadly soft, falsely patient, as he met Barney’s wide, frightened eyes.

 

“Who’d you call, Barney?”

 

“Th-the… police…” Barney’s voice was shaking with mounting panic as he struggled to respond. “9-1-1…”

 

Ryan glanced up to Allison, who was standing behind Barney now. Apparently he didn’t like whatever she silently communicated to him, because his large hand tightened cruelly over Barney’s damaged ribs, eliciting a choked cry of anguish from the smaller man’s trembling lips. Ryan’s tone was unchanged as he repeated his soft question.

 

“Who’d you call, Barney?”

 

Barney hesitated, his lips parted to respond, but at a loss for a convincing answer. Apparently, Allison had heard enough of his conversation to tell her that it hadn’t been the police – but exactly how much had she heard? Before he could speak, Allison offered a partial explanation to both his questions and Ryan’s.

 

“It was a girl. He called her Robin… and he told her my name.”

 

Ryan smiled coldly, his face intimidatingly close to Barney’s as he loosened his grip on his ribs, tracing his fingertips slowly, suggestively up and down his side. “Shouldn’t be too hard to look up in your contact list. Maybe we’d better pay a little visit to your friend next, huh? Make sure she doesn’t tell anybody what you told her.”

 

Barney’s eyes widened with terror, and he shook his head in a silent, desperate plea. “Don’t,” he whispered when he could draw breath to speak. “Don’t hurt her…”

 

“You haven’t given us a choice, Barney.” Allison shrugged, malicious glee in her voice. “Your stupid mistake is gonna cost her her life. We can’t let her go to the police.”

 

“She probably already has,” Barney spoke up, unsure where the note of defiance in his voice had come from. All he knew was that he had to dissuade them from trying to harm Robin. “It’s… it’s too late to stop her. I bet she… she probably called the police as soon as… as…”

 

Barney’s voice trailed off as Ryan leaned in closer to him, a cold smile on his lips, eyebrows raised as he listened to Barney’s desperate words. As fear overcame Barney and he fell silent, Ryan pushed his head back with his hand around his throat, his free hand sliding downward to cruelly grasp Barney’s damaged, raw genitals. He ignored Barney’s choked scream of pain, his voice soft and even as he spoke quietly next to his ear.

 

“Are you _proud_ of yourself, Barney? You proud that you managed to get one over on us, you stupid little _bitch_?”

 

Barney’s instinctive impulse was to shake his head, to plead for mercy, to do something to try to placate the monsters who were tormenting him – but he knew by now that they would not be appeased at this point. The torture and degradation of the past few days began to swell up in his thoughts, his emotions, becoming a muddled wave of fear and frustration and shame and anger.

 

 _They’re going to kill me anyway… might as well make it quick…_

 

His jaw set with stubborn defiance, and Barney nodded slowly, deliberately, before looking up to meet Ryan’s gaze, his ice blue eyes blazing with hate. “Yes,” he whispered. “I am.”

 

Ryan’s eyes narrowed with vindictive rage, and he crushed Barney’s throbbing balls in his huge fist, a vicious smile forming on his face at Barney’s pathetic cry of agony. Ryan released Barney abruptly, allowing him to slump forward onto his face as he rose to his feet. A vicious kick to Barney’s stomach, then another to his broken leg, drew silent, agonized sobs from the smaller man’s throat. Ryan grabbed Barney’s hair and yanked his head up again, snarling into his face with savage menace.

 

“Let’s see what we can do about that…”

 

Barney flinched, his bravado fleeing in the face of the promise of greater torment. He knelt there, trembling with agony and terror as Ryan held him in place, turning his attention to his girlfriend.

 

“We’re a good… what? Three hours drive from the city?”

 

“At least.” Allison nodded.

 

“And it’ll take ‘em a while to put the pieces together, figure out exactly who they’re looking for… and where…” Ryan mused. He was silent as he drew Barney’s head back, waiting until he could meet his eyes to offer a cold smile of cruel promise. “I’d say we’ve got at least an hour to spare.”

 

It was an hour of hellish torture beyond anything Barney could have imagined – at least, before the last three days.

 

They dragged him to the banister of the stairs leading up to the second floor, then used a pair of handcuffs to bind his wrists around one of the rails so that his feet barely touched the floor, and the entire back side of his body was helplessly exposed to their every sadistic whim.

 

Allison took her time with her toys, burning the backs of his legs, his buttocks, his back, with the lighter she had used on him countless times in the past few days. When she got bored with that, she took out her switchblade and began cutting patterns into his sensitive flesh, laughing viciously at the shivers of agony that racked his body, and the plaintive whimpers and pleas that escaped his lips.

 

Finally she was finished – but it was not a mercy. When Allison moved back, Ryan took her place, grabbing Barney from behind and slamming into him without preparation or restraint. The searing pain in his damaged, raw backside was only the beginning of Barney’s suffering, as the repeated impact tore at his abraded, infected wrists, his cracked ribcage… his entire aching, brutalized body.

 

When Ryan was done, they unchained him from the banister, allowing him to drop to a crumpled, limp heap on the floor – but they did not leave him there. Allison pulled his head up, pressing the blade to his throat as she smirked at him, her voice a soft mockery of compassion.

 

“Aww, sweetie… worn out so soon? But I haven’t had _my_ turn yet!” Her tone hardened as he searched her eyes, not understanding in the haze of pain and confusion that overwhelmed him. “You’re not finished yet, whore. You’re gonna get _me_ off, too.”

 

Exhausted and in shock, Barney still had no choice but to obey. Ryan caught his wrists and drew them behind his back, binding them there and maneuvering him into place as Allison braced herself against the wall. As Barney did his best to please his captor, to prevent any further suffering, Ryan knelt behind Barney and ran his hands suggestively, invasively, over his body, keeping up a litany of malicious, terrorizing words in his ear.

 

“You know what I was doing before I came in, Barney? Where I’ve been the last couple hours?” His voice was hushed and secretive as he viciously confessed, “I’ve been digging your grave, out in the woods… and trying to think of fun, creative ways in which we might get rid of you…”

 

Barney did his best to focus on what he was doing and to shut out the cruel words, as Ryan described various painful and horrific methods of murder he had considered. But it was not a way to kill him that left Barney the most shaken.

 

“Really,” Ryan whispered, running a possessive hand over Barney’s ass, stroking up between his legs to toy with his exposed genitals, “there’s no reason we have to kill you at all, is there? I mean, we could just put you in the grave… and let nature do the rest. That’d be slow and painful enough a death for a worthless piece of trash like you, wouldn’t it?”

 

Barney wasn’t sure whether it was from his half-hearted efforts, or Ryan’s sick fantasy, but at that moment, Allison came, and he fell back onto his knees, trembling violently, shaking his head in a frantic plea, his shoulders quaking with panicked tears.

 

“No,” he sobbed out. “Please don’t… please d-don’t do that…”

 

Allison stepped forward with an ugly sneer of disgust, slapping him hard across the face and silencing his pleas. She grabbed his face roughly, forcing his head up to look at her as she crouched in front of him.

 

“Don’t you get it yet, baby?” she crooned with malicious amusement. “What you want doesn’t matter. _You_ … don’t matter. We’ll do whatever we want to do with you, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it!”

 

Her hand grasped his hair, painfully jerking his head down so that his face was against the carpet as she snarled imperiously in his ear.

 

“What are you, Barney?”

 

She’d already played this particular game of degradation with him more than once in the past few days, and Barney knew exactly what she wanted him to say – but it didn’t get any less humiliating with repetition. His voice broke over the despairing words as he choked them out in helpless obedience.

 

“N-nothing… no one… worthless…”

 

“That’s right,” Allison agreed with satisfaction in her voice. “You’re nothing but a worthless, filthy little whore who doesn’t deserve to live.” She smiled as she leaned down close to his face to add, “So you won’t.”

 

“Would you look at the time,” Ryan remarked as she released Barney and stood up straight. “Time to get a move on, sweetheart.”

 

They dragged Barney to his feet between them, and Allison smiled cheerfully up at him, a vicious gleam in her eyes as she clarified cruelly.

 

“That means _your_ time is up, baby. Time to dispose of the body before we skip town.”

 

Barney was too weak, in too much pain to fight, as they led him out the front door of the house and deep into the woods.


	9. Chapter 9

“So, should we call the police?” Ted suggested as he and Robin headed back toward the rental car, the evidence they’d discovered in hand.

 

Robin frowned, shaking her head as she got into the passenger side. “That’ll take too long. They aren’t particularly inclined to take us seriously about this. If we go to the police station again, they’ll make us wait an hour or so, probably before just telling us to leave the investigation to the professionals. And then, who knows how long they’ll take to actually get out to that cabin and check it out?” She bit her lower lip, a stricken expression in her eyes as she met Ted’s gaze. Her voice was barely over a whisper when she managed to go on.

 

“Ted, he was… _terrified_. When she caught him on the phone…” She shook her head, momentarily at a loss. “It could take the police hours to finally get to Barney, and… I don’t think he has that long.”

 

Ted looked down at the address on the piece of paper Robin had found, thinking back to the time he’d spent in New Jersey when he was dating Stella. His voice was grim yet gentle, reluctant to add any negative news to Robin’s already prominent fears.

 

“It’d take us almost as long to drive there, Robin.”

 

Robin slowly raised her eyes, a thoughtful expression on he face. “Yeah… to _drive_ there…”

 

“Robin…?”

 

“It’s ten minutes to the airport, and a thirty minute flight from there. We could rent a car at the airport and get to the cabin within an hour…”

 

“Are you _serious_?” Ted was stunned by the suggestion. “Robin, that’s so expensive! I can’t afford that. Can _you_ afford that?”

 

“I don’t have any choice but to afford it,” Robin snapped without meaning to, irrationally irritated by Ted’s hesitation. “Credit cards are for emergencies, and this definitely qualifies.” She paused a moment, her voice softening slightly when she added, “If you just don’t have the money, I’ll pay for yours. But if you’re not going to go with me regardless, then get out and get a cab, because _I’m going_ to the airport…”

 

“Robin, I’m going,” Ted sighed, turning the key in the ignition. “It’s Barney. _Of course_ I’m going.”

 

They called the New Jersey police from the car, giving them an anonymous tip to check out the address, telling them what Barney had told Robin. Unfortunately, they didn’t seem to take it very seriously, asking lots of questions and ultimately seeming more suspicious regarding how Ted and Robin had come by their information than of anything else.

 

They agreed to send someone out to check out the address, but Robin had no intention of leaving Barney’s safety to the New Jersey police department. She unconsciously touched the handle of the pistol in her purse, her mouth tightening into a line of grim determination.

 

She just hoped they could get there in time.

 

***********************

 

Twenty minutes after Robin called, a New Jersey police officer arrived at the address the dispatcher had given him, to check out what was possibly a kidnapping but more probably a prank.

 

He was not surprised to find that the cabin was unoccupied. There was no vehicle parked outside, no signs of life anywhere in the near vicinity. There were a couple of other cabins visible from that cabin, but he discovered upon further investigation that neither of them was occupied, either.

 

He drove back to the main office, which was predictably closed. There were very few people who made their way out to this secluded part of New Jersey at this time of year. The tourist rush wouldn’t hit until the weather got warmer a couple of months later. Therefore, it made no sense to staff the office full time.

 

It didn’t matter much, anyway. He was fairly certain that there was no kidnapping.

 

Grumbling about the waste of his time that could have been better spent helping people who actually needed it, the trooper got back into his car and headed back toward his originally scheduled assignment, wishing that there was a way of tracking down the anonymous prank callers and charging _them_.

 

*****************************

 

Barney let out a groan of anguish as he was forced roughly to the ground, his broken leg throbbing, his bare knees scraped by the rocks and underbrush beneath them. His vision went hazy for a few moments with the pain, his head spinning with dizzy disorientation, and Barney allowed his body to slump forward, his head resting against the ground.

 

“Unh-uh, baby,” Allison sneered, grabbing his hair and yanking his head up. Barney flinched as she smiled coldly very close to his face. “You’ll have plenty of time to rest in just a few minutes. But first… why don’t you take a look at the last place you’ll ever see?”

 

She jerked his head to the side, forcefully directing his gaze to his right. Barney’s stomach dropped, his body shaking violently with panic at the sight of the deep, gaping hole Ryan had dug, less than a foot from the place where he knelt. He shook his head pleadingly, struggling to stammer out a desperate whimper with lips that shook uncontrollably and a mouth that felt as dry as sandpaper.

 

“P-please… please don’t… d-don’t do this… please… I won’t tell anyone, I swear… please, don’t do this to me…”

 

Ryan crouched down beside him, laughing softly in malicious amusement as Barney’s shoulders shook and his face crumpled with despairing, terrified tears. Barney flinched as Ryan ran a deceptively gentle hand through his hair, his other hand stroking slowly up and down Barney’s thigh.

 

“Yeah,” he murmured with cold sarcasm. “I believe that. You’re just gonna go home and keep your mouth shut about the last few days, right? Nothing for us to worry about…”

 

“I won’t tell,” Barney insisted, latching onto a hope that he already knew was vain. “Please… I won’t…”

 

“Barney, sweetie, shhh…” Allison soothed him with mocking affection, stroking possessive fingertips across his cheek, her hand pushing his chin up and forcing him to meet her eyes. Her voice was a cruel, hushed whisper as she added, “… we _know_ you won’t.”

 

Ryan laughed, and Barney tried to hold back his panicked sobs as the larger man rose to his feet and roughly tied a blindfold around his eyes again. His hands were already bound behind his back, so there was no chance of successful struggle. Barney bit back a pleading moan as Allison pressed something smooth and thick between his lips, then strapped it tightly behind his head.

 

Blind, gagged, and utterly helpless, Barney was trembling uncontrollably even before he felt the smooth, cool press of steel against his ribcage. Allison’s hand cupped the back of his head, holding him close to her as she traced the lines of his heaving chest with the blade.

 

“Now we’re going to leave you here while we go pack,” she explained gently, “and when we get back… we’re going to bury you.”

 

Barney shook his head pleadingly, trying to block out the very thought of the most horrific fate he could imagine.

 

“If you’re lucky…”

 

Allison continued in a cruelly playful tone, and Barney let out a strangled, muffled cry of startled agony as the blade pierced deep into his stomach, and then was drawn out again. Allison leaned in to whisper the rest of her words against his ear, and he could feel her cold smile against his skin as hot blood began to pour from the wound.

 

“… you’ll already be dead when that happens.”

 

And then, Barney was tumbling helplessly into the gaping hole, his helpless hands jerking against their bonds in a vain attempt to hold onto something, _anything_ , to keep him from falling into his own grave. His battered body hit the damp, relatively soft earth with a brutal impact, and he groaned against the gag that filled his mouth, willing himself to pass out from the pain, to bleed out faster, to somehow just _stop breathing_.

 

The sweet oblivion of death was his only hope now.

 

*****************************

 

When Robin and Ted arrived at the right cabin – one incorrectly relayed digit and clear across the property from the one the police officer had checked – they weren’t really sure what to do next.

 

“There’s a car parked outside, so someone must be in there,” Robin observed, her voice taut and trembling with tension, her pistol ready in her only-slightly-unsteady hand. “That’s probably a good thing. Go a littler farther and we’ll walk back. Less chance of our being spotted that way.”

 

Ted’s eyes narrowed as he drove on past the cabin, but studied the front of the building as they passed. “The door’s half-open, Robin. What do you think that means?”

 

“No idea, but we’re not gonna accomplish anything by doing nothing. Park the car and let’s go back.”

 

They made their way to the front door without being detected, and both froze when they heard the sound of muffled voices coming from within the cabin. Robin took a step forward as if to enter, but Ted held up a halting hand, giving her a warning shake of his head and leaning in closer to listen. She followed suit, grudgingly acknowledging the wisdom of getting some idea of what they were rushing into before they rushed into it.

 

“… to hurry up, okay? The cops could be here any minute!”

 

“I’m moving as fast as I can, all right?” A sharp, anxious female voice replied. “Besides, don’t we want to make sure he’s dead before we go?”

 

Robin flinched, turning stricken eyes on Ted, who bit his lower lip, but shook his head slowly again in a silent indication that they should wait.

 

“He’s probably dead already,” the man responded with a carelessness that made Robin’s blood boil. “Anyway, I couldn’t care less. Even if he’s still barely breathing, there’s no way he’s gonna be strong enough to crawl out of there. As soon as you get your ass moving and get ready to get out of here, we’ll bury him and hit the road, and no one will be the wiser…”

 

Ted’s eyes were wide and horrified at the implications of those cold, pitiless words. He stood there for a long, awful moment before he realized that Robin was already slipping away from the door. He followed after her, glancing anxiously over his shoulder to be sure he wasn’t being followed, until he caught up with her at the relative safety of the car.

 

“Robin…” Ted’s voice was breathless, nearly panicked. “What have they…? They’re gonna… he’s…”

 

“He’s gotta be somewhere in these woods.” Robin’s tone was surprisingly cool and controlled as she scanned the area around them. “Maybe they left some kind of a trail…”

 

Ted followed her gaze back toward the front of the house, but wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be looking for.

 

“There.”

 

He looked at Robin, then to the spot where she was looking. His eyes gradually focused on a deep red stain on the gray gravel leading toward the woods. His mind rebelled against the only plausible explanation for what that stain was and why it was important, until Robin’s curt words made it impossible not to know.

 

“It’s blood. If he’s hurt as bad as it sounds, they probably left a trail all the way to wherever they left him.”

 

Robin took off toward the woods, and Ted simply followed her, trying hard not to think about what they might find there.

 

****************************

 

The sound of voices gradually reached Barney’s ears, and a shudder of dread passed through him with the knowledge of what was soon to come. He tried to sit up, though he wasn’t sure why. There was nothing he could do to prevent what was about to happen to him. If he could have spoken, he would have begged them just to kill him before they filled in the hole in which they had thrown him – just to show him that one single mercy.

 

Not that mercy seemed to be a strong point with these two.

 

As the voices drew nearer, Barney began to wonder if perhaps he was closer to death than he’d thought, as they began to take on a familiar sound.

 

“Do you see anything?”

 

 _No… couldn’t be… it isn’t possible…_

 

Scrambling footsteps at the edge of hole showered a fine rain of dust and gravel onto Barney’s trembling form, and he braced himself for the worst.

 

“Oh, my God! Robin, over here!”

 

 _Robin? …_ Ted _? Oh, please, God…_

 

He flinched at the sound of a sudden impact close beside him, pressing himself instinctively against the wall of the pit as he sensed swift movement toward him. Strong, warm hands touched his bare, painfully sensitized skin, and Barney struggled weakly in panic, instinct telling him only that he had to get away.

 

And then, by some miracle, Ted’s voice filled his ear – soft and reassuring and gentle, like the firm but cautious arms that wrapped around him. “Shhh, it’s okay, Barney, it’s just me… you’re okay now, we’ve got you… you’re okay…”

 

Barney froze, barely able to believe it, as Ted’s hands moved to gently lean him back against the wall of the pit, then wrapped something soft around his stomach, tying it firmly over the bleeding wound. When Barney felt those same hands working loose the straps of the gag in his mouth, however, he began to allow himself to hope. When his wrists were freed from the painful bindings that cut off his circulation and aggravated his injuries, Barney wondered if it was possible that he was actually going to survive this. And when the blindfold fell away from his eyes and he blinked into the semi-darkness around him, his gaze finally focusing on the familiar, concerned face of his best friend…

 

… Barney fell apart.

 

He broke down, hoarse, high-pitched, incomprehensible sobs falling from his raw throat as Ted wrapped his arms around him and held him close, rocking slightly. He could barely move his numb, aching arms without agony, so Barney just allowed his friend to hold him, reveling in the sweet relief of genuine comfort and tenderness after days of endless torture and cruelty.

 

“Shhh, it’s all right… it’s all right now…”

 

They both knew that it wasn’t – not yet.

 

The hole had been intended as a grave, and while it was no difficult thing for Ted to jump down into it, getting out of it again would be a greater problem – especially for Barney, who was far too badly injured to move of his own accord, and far too heavy for Ted to lift that great a distance.

 

“Robin, call for help… I can’t get him out of here on my own.”

 

Ted called up to the surface, and Barney turned his head up toward the swiftly dimming daylight. When his hazy eyes met Robin’s and saw the horror and dismay there, he quickly looked away, his face flushing with shame and humiliation. All at once, in spite of the desperation of his situation, he was painfully, acutely aware of the fact that he was stark naked.

 

It didn’t help much that Ted was naked from the waist up as well, his t-shirt having been sacrificed as a make-shift bandage to help ebb the bleeding from the gaping wound on Barney’s stomach.

 

“Maybe the police will listen to us now,” Robin muttered tearfully, taking out her cell phone.

 

“Hurry,” Ted called, pressing gently against Barney’s stomach. “He’s hurt bad, Robin. He needs help fast.”

 

“Okay, just a second… it’s ringing…”

 

Her words were abruptly cut off by a startled cry, and Barney’s stomach clenched in panic as he heard Allison’s familiar voice from the surface.

 

“Oh, no you don’t! I’ll _kill_ you, bitch!”

 

Neither Ted nor Barney could see what was happening above them; they could only hear the sounds of the scuffle as the two women struggled for supremacy, each equally determined to best the other.

 

A shot rang out abruptly, and Barney flinched, drawing in a shuddering breath as everything went still. Ted’s arms were around him, silently soothing him, but they were tense and trembling now, and Barney knew they both feared the same thing. Barney held his breath, silent and shaking with dread, as soft, slow footsteps approached the edge of the pit.


	10. Chapter 10

Ted didn’t realize it, but he was holding his breath as he listened to the sudden quiet above the pit, broken only by the soft footsteps of whomever had just won the altercation between Robin and Barney’s kidnapper. His entire body was taut with fear and uncertainty, though he tried not to let his fear show, for Barney’s sake.

 

His friend was trembling violently in his arms, a soft, keening whimper escaping his throat as he turned his head away from the approaching footsteps, burying his face in the crook of Ted’s neck as if he could somehow hide himself from whatever threat they might be facing.

 

Ted was willing to help him hide, if only for a moment longer.

 

“Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right… it’s all right…”

 

He had never seen Barney so thoroughly terrified, so broken and vulnerable. He felt deeply, strangely responsible for his friend, wanting only to ease his fears and reassure him that everything was going to be okay, and they were going to get out of this.

 

But he wasn’t at all sure that it was, or that they would.

 

 _That gunshot… God, Robin’s dead… Robin’s dead, and we’re about to be, too. And we brought the freakin’ gun that’s going to do it. I should have told Robin to leave it behind; those things never help anything; they only make things worse. I should have told Robin the gun was a bad idea, but no, I just kept my mouth shut so she wouldn’t think I was a wuss, and now she’s_ dead _because of my stupid…_

His panicked, guilt-ridden thoughts ended in a rush of overwhelming relief when Robin suddenly appeared at the edge of the hole, looking down at them with her pistol in her hand and a grim smile on her face.

 

“I knew this would come in handy sooner or later.”

 

*******************************

 

Robin hoped that Ted and Barney couldn’t see how badly she was shaking from their vantage point several feet below her. She tucked the pistol back into the waistband of her jeans with hands that shook so much that she could hardly accomplish even that simple task.

 

She tried not to think about, let alone look at, the still, quiet form of the girl she had shot, lying face down in the grass a few yards away. Years of target practice and hunting and self-defense lessons had not begun to prepare her for this.

 

She had never shot a _person_ before.

 

 _She’s a_ psychotic _person who’s just spent the last few days torturing my best friend, and she was going to_ bury him alive _. If there’s ever a legitimate reason to shoot someone, I’d say this is probably it…_

 

“Is she dead?” Ted called up to her, his voice trembling with relief and apprehension.

 

Robin couldn’t quite suppress a flinch at the question, swallowing hard and once more fighting the morbid impulse to look toward her fallen opponent. “I… I’m not sure,” she answered. “But she’s down, and we’re okay for now. I’m gonna find my phone…”

 

She focused on this new task, grateful for the distraction from the sobering situation she knew she’d have to come to terms with – later, once they were safe and Barney was in the hospital getting treatment for his countless injuries.

 

It didn’t take her long to find her phone, half-buried under a pile of scattered leaves. The frantic, high-pitched voice coming through the speaker made it easy enough. Robin hadn’t realized that she’d actually connected with the 911 operator before Allison had attacked her; but apparently the stunned, horrified woman had heard the entire encounter.

 

“… anyone there? Hello? Are you okay? What…?”

 

“Hello?” Robin breathlessly spoke into the phone, holding it to her ear with a trembling hand.

 

The operator was silent for a moment, apparently startled to actually have someone respond to her desperate, urgent questions. “Yes. Are you all right? What’s happened? What is your location?”

 

“So _that’s_ what you have to do to get the cops to listen to you around here,” she muttered, not quite into the phone. “Not much. Just shoot somebody.”

 

“Excuse me? Hello?”

 

“Yes,” Robin cleared her throat, speaking up into the phone. “Yes, we have an emergency…”

 

She explained the situation to the operator, who said she was dispatching an ambulance and police to the site immediately.

 

“Please hurry,” Robin urged her, glancing down anxiously into the pit where Ted waited with Barney. “My friend is bleeding pretty badly. Please get here as fast as you can…”

 

“We’re about ten minutes away from your location, ma’am. We’ll be there as quickly as possible.”

 

Robin hung up the phone, crouching at the edge of the grave, but watching the surrounding area warily for any sign of the other kidnapper. She knew very well that they were not safe yet, not until the authorities arrived and took charge of the situation. It was very likely that Allison’s boyfriend had heard the gunshot, and might very well be on his way to their location right that moment.

 

The gun gave her a decided advantage; but not if he managed to take her by surprise.

 

“How’s Barney?” she called down to Ted, eyes scanning her surroundings, her gun once more in her hand and ready. “How’s he holding up?”

 

“Barney?” Ted spoke softly, gently shaking the other man’s shoulder, trying to rouse him. “Barney! Come on, Barney, talk to me…” Ted let out a soft groan of worry and dismay before turning his attention momentarily toward Robin. “He’s fading fast, Robin. He needs help _now_!”

“They’ll be here in ten minutes…”

 

“I don’t think he _has_ ten minutes!”

 

Less than two minutes later, Barney stopped breathing.

 

Seconds after that, Ted frantically started CPR, desperately trying to keep Barney’s lungs and heart pumping oxygen and blood to his brain, to keep him alive until real help could arrive.

 

After five minutes, his arms, his lungs, ached with the effort, but he could not stop – not until someone else could take over. Robin was crying quietly, forcing herself to keep alert for signs of danger while feeling utterly helpless and useless. However, she knew she couldn’t help anyone by allowing their enemy to overtake them again. The best thing she could do was to stand watch and make sure that Ted’s efforts were not interrupted.

 

Ted had been performing CPR for twelve minutes when they heard the sound of sirens tearing through the stillness of the woods. Robin ran toward the sound, arms waving, intent on flagging down the ambulance at the road and directing the paramedics toward exactly the right spot. She knew it could be difficult for them to find without help.

 

There were in fact two ambulances, closely followed by a police car and a fire truck.

 

Whereas Ted and Robin had not been able to get Barney out of the makeshift grave, it took the paramedics mere moments to get him onto a stretcher and out of the pit, while simultaneously taking over the artificial breathing and CPR for Ted. One of the police officers helped Ted out, and immediately started asking questions.

 

“Please, can we do this at the hospital?” Robin pleaded, glancing anxiously toward the ambulance into which Barney’s still form was being loaded. “Can’t we go with him?”

 

“I need to know what’s going on here,” the officer who seemed to be in charge insisted. “I need a statement.”

 

“Can she go with him if I stay and talk to you?” Ted suggested. “Please, we don’t want him to be alone…”

 

“You’ll be at the hospital, Miss?” The officer sounded reluctant.

 

“Yes, yes, I won’t be going anywhere until I know he’s okay!” Robin insisted before turning toward Ted with grateful tears in her eyes. “Ted, are you sure…?”

 

“Just go, Robin, hurry,” Ted urged her, giving her a gentle push toward the ambulance, watching to make sure she got inside before turning to face the officer again. “Okay… here’s the way it happened…”

 

******************************

 

Two hours later, Robin and Ted were together again, sitting in a waiting room at the nearest hospital.

 

They had both told their story to the police – more than once – and the disturbing amount of evidence both found in the cabin and provided by Ted and Robin had been more than enough to convince the police that Allison needed to be officially under arrest, despite her condition. She had survived the gunshot wound, despite considerable blood loss and damage to her left lung. She was still unconscious following emergency surgery to save her life, but was already cuffed to her bed – just in case.

 

Ryan had not been found.

 

Ted and Robin had no idea whether or not he’d ever even known they were there. Perhaps he’d seen or heard some part of the altercation between Robin and Allison, seen the gun or heard the shot and thought it best to avoid contact. Perhaps he’d simply heard the shot and thought it was the police. At any rate, it seemed that he’d decided to save his own ass rather than hang around and make sure his girlfriend was all right.

 

Because Barney’s second attacker had not yet been found, a police guard was waiting in the room with Ted and Robin, assigned to keep a watch over Barney once he got out of surgery, to make sure no further harm could come to him.

 

As soon as they were through giving their statements to the police, Robin and Ted had called Marshall and Lily, filling them in briefly on what had happened, and Barney’s condition. They had promised to get there as quickly as possible, and were on their way by cab.

 

Robin and Ted sat together in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, playing over the fears and questions and dark memories of everything that had happened in the past few hours.

 

Neither could get the image of their friend’s bloodied, battered body out of their minds.

 

The initial report from the doctor had been grim.

 

Barney had suffered numerous broken ribs and a compound fracture to his right leg, as well as countless burns and cuts and other marks of vicious torture. There was internal bleeding as well, for which they would have to immediately operate in order to repair his damaged organs and drain the excess blood.

 

“Is that all?” Ted had asked, immediately feeling foolish – because wasn’t that more than enough?

 

The doctor’s averted gaze had been enough to fill them both with dread, even before he spoke in a cautious, evasive tone. “We’re going into emergency surgery now to stop the bleeding and repair the broken bones. We’ll let you know as we progress, and as soon as there’s any change in your friend’s condition.”

 

Once the doctor had left, both Ted and Robin tried not to think about what injuries he might not have been at liberty to discuss. Neither wanted to broach the topic with the other, each feeling more comfortable avoiding it completely – but neither could think of anything else.

 

Ted thought of the traumatized state in which they’d found Barney, flinching and shaking and terrified of the slightest touch.

 

 _What could have caused that intense a reaction? What must they have done to him to make him so scared? What can’t the doctor legally tell us about?_

 

Robin’s mind focused on the fact that they’d found him bound and naked, every inch of him covered in the marks of brutal torture.

 

 _Every inch of him… God, what did they do to him? Surely they didn’t… they wouldn’t…_

Their thoughts were abruptly interrupted as they saw the surgeon coming out of the doors leading from the operating room, pulling his mask down off his face as he approached them. The expression on his face was grim, and Ted felt his stomach lurch with fear, as he braced himself for the worst.

 

It didn’t look as if it was going to be good news.


	11. Chapter 11

Marshall offered the cab driver an extra hundred dollars on top of the already sizable fare for the three hour drive to the New Jersey hospital where Barney had been taken. Lily hurried ahead of him while he paid for the ride, frantically rushing into the ICU waiting room where Ted and Robin had camped out on a sofa in the corner.

 

Ted had dozed off, his head resting on Robin’s shoulder, but he awakened immediately when she tried to rise to her feet. He sat up on the sofa, alert at once when he saw that Lily was there. Robin stood up and readily accepted Lily’s embrace, her shoulders shaking with mingled relief and release at the warm affection she offered.

 

“Where is he?” Lily asked, drawing back at last to give Ted a hug as well, allowing Robin to see Marshall coming through the entrance across the room. “Is he okay? How’s he doing?”

 

“He’s… in intensive care…” Robin answered in a halting, tremulous voice, struggling for control as Lily focused wide, worried eyes on her again. “The doctor said if he… if he makes it through the… next twenty-four hours…”

 

She couldn’t finish, the idea of the alternative to that scenario stealing her words and her breath. Lily put her arms around Robin again as she broke down, silent sobs shaking her shoulders.

 

“Oh, sweetie,” Lily murmured with maternal sympathy, guiding Robin back to the sofa and sitting down beside her on it. “Come here… it’s gonna be okay, Robin…”

 

As Lily tried to comfort Robin, Marshall approached Ted, giving him a quick hug before drawing back to meet his eyes with a solemn, intent gaze. “What’d the doctor say?”

 

Ted took a deep, shaky breath, letting it out slowly in an attempt to steady himself, struggling to clear his slightly sleep-addled brain and give Marshall a thorough and yet hopefully reassuring response.

 

“Barney… he… he made it through surgery all right. He had… some broken ribs and a broken leg and… and… nearly all of his… fingers… his hands…” Ted shook his head, swallowing hard, struggling with the painful mental image of the brutal damage that had been done to his friend. He took another deep breath and pushed forward, the words coming out in a rush as he raced with his own emotions to get them out before he could fall victim to the same fate as Robin already had.

 

“They were pretty much crushed, but… the surgeons set the breaks and think they’ll… heal all right. Assuming everything else goes well, he should be walking and all within the next couple of months, and… and there’s an 80% chance he’ll eventually regain full use of his hands…”

 

“ _Eventually_?” Marshall echoed in dismay, looking toward Lily.

 

Lily shook her head over Robin’s shoulder, a look of horrified sorrow in her wide eyes. “ _God_ …” she whispered, the word barely a breath, a genuine prayer.

 

“That’s… the good news,” Ted broke in, his tone gently warning as he took a step back so that he could face both Lily and Marshall at once. “The doctor said… the internal injuries are very serious. He was… beaten really badly. Repeatedly. And… and that’s not even considering the stab wound. The surgeons… did all they could to repair the damage, but… the next twenty-four hours are critical. If he makes it through them, then… then there’s a pretty good chance… but…”

 

Ted couldn’t finish; he didn’t have to.

 

The prognosis was painfully clear.

 

“He’ll make it,” Lily whispered at last, and her tone suggested that the words were as much for her own benefit as for anyone else’s. “He’ll make it. He’s strong. He’ll make it…”

 

“Can we… are we allowed to see him?” Marshall hesitantly asked, finally taking a seat in a chair beside the sofa.

 

Ted sat down on the sofa on the other side of Robin, reaching out a hand to idly stroke up and down her back in an instinctive gesture of comfort. “We didn’t want to go in until you guys got here; we wanted to talk to you first. The doctor said the risk of infection is high, so… anyone who goes in has to scrub in, wear a mask, all that crap… and… there can’t be any more than a total of one hour a day while he’s in intensive care… and only one person at a time. I mean…” He hesitated, weighing his words carefully. “… he’s asleep, anyway. Heavily medicated. So… he looks… _really_ bad, and… he probably wouldn’t get much out of it, but… but it might be a good idea… to go in and see him… talk to him… anyway…”

 

Lily looked up at him sharply, and Ted looked away, uncomfortable. He knew she’d caught the words he hadn’t dared speak aloud. She knew what it was he couldn’t bring himself to say.

 

She knew he was suggesting that they take the chance to say goodbye… just in case.

 

“If… if you guys are ready… I mean… if you want to… I’ll talk to the nurse and… and see when we can go in,” Ted offered.

 

Robin had regained her composure, and was rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Yeah,” she sniffled. “I wanna see him. I wanna talk to him.”

 

Ted glanced at Lily and Marshall for confirmation that they agreed with the sentiment, then nodded once and rose to his feet. “I’ll be right back.”

 

He wasn’t expecting Lily to follow him, so he started when he felt her hand on his arm a few yards from the nurses’ station. He turned to face her with questioning eyes, too exhausted and drained even to speak. Lily’s voice was firm and solemn, her gaze searching as she met his eyes.

 

“What aren’t you two telling us?”

 

Ted frowned, but couldn’t maintain eye contact as he shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

 

“Ted, I know you. And Robin. And there’s something you’re not saying about all this. Something you’re holding back. What is it?”

 

Ted hesitated, biting his lower lip and turning his face away.

 

“Ted… I can take it. It’s _Barney_. I have to know,” Lily insisted, moving into his line of vision again with a gentle but firm hand on his arm, refusing to let him avoid her.

 

Ted finally met her eyes, swallowing hard as he fought to find the words. “Lily… it’s bad. I mean… I _think_ it is. I don’t know for sure if it’s true. The doctor couldn’t tell us if it was, but… well…”

 

“Come on, Ted. Just spit it out.” Lily’s tone was terse, impatient, but trembling with dread.

 

Ted held her gaze, watching warily for her reaction. “When we found him… he was… naked, Lily. Completely. And… and hurt… _everywhere_.”

 

Lily turned away slightly, one slender fist rising to press against her mouth as her eyes screwed shut for a moment before she met his eyes again. She shook her head slightly, her eyes welling with tears. “No,” she whispered soundlessly against her hand. “No…”

 

“He was… terrified anytime I… touched him at all, and… and I think… Lily, I don’t _want_ to think it, but… but I _do_ think… he was…”

 

“Don’t,” Lily cut him off with trembling desperation. “Ted… I mean… I get it. I know what you’re saying, but… but you don’t have to… say it. Oh, God, I hope that didn’t… he wasn’t… _God_ … Does Robin know?”

 

“She’s not stupid. We haven’t mentioned it, but… but I think she thinks the same thing I do,” Ted replied. He hesitated a moment before adding, “But… just in case she doesn’t… don’t mention it, okay? She’s already blaming herself. I can tell.”

 

“For what?” Lily was incredulous, glancing over her shoulder toward Robin, who was now leaning listlessly against Marshall’s shoulder. “What could she possibly have done to…?”

 

“Maybe realized that something was wrong that night at the bar? _Not_ just assumed he ran off with some chick of his own free will?” Ted suggested with an apologetic grimace.

 

Lily blinked, her expression slightly disbelieving.

 

Ted relented with a shrug. “Yeah, that’s what _I_ think. Who in their right mind _wouldn’t_ have done exactly what she did? But… it’s hard to see it that way, for her. And… if she hasn’t thought of… _that_ … I don’t think she needs anything else to feel guilty about right now.”

 

******************************

 

Ted went in to see Barney first.

 

It was terribly disturbing to see his friend so vulnerable and helpless – unconscious and hooked up to various tubes and machines that were keeping him alive at the moment, every visible patch of skin bruised and marred with the evidence of the torture he’d endured.

 

Ted sat down slowly in the chair beside his bed, reaching out a tentative hand to rest on Barney’s still, cool arm.

 

“Hey, buddy,” he began, feeling a little awkward and self-conscious speaking when he was fairly certain he would not be heard. “I’m… so sorry this happened. I wish we’d… I wish we’d have found you sooner, Barney. You’re gonna pull through this, okay? Just like everything else. You’re gonna be just fine. I mean… I… I think you’re gonna… I _hope_ you’re gonna… God, Barney, please be okay…” Ted barely managed to choke out the words, his throat closing up halfway through as he lowered his head to rest on his hand on Barney’s arm. “Please be okay…”

 

*******************************

 

Marshall was a blubbering wreck from the moment he walked into the room. He knew that Barney was in terrible shape, just from listening to Ted, but he hadn’t realized just _how_ terrible until he saw him for himself. He was amazed that anyone could look so horrible – like he’d just been run over by a bus, _again_ – and still be alive.

 

“You’re gonna be okay, man,” he sobbed unabashedly as he rested a cautious arm across Barney’s shoulders. “You’re gonna be okay…” He looked up, forcing himself to take in the brutalized form of his friend as he spoke directly to him in soft, intense tones, believing with everything in him that somehow, some way, Barney could hear him. “I’m so sorry… I wasn’t… there. To… to stop them. But I promise you, Barney… they’re not gonna touch you again, not ever… I swear to you, if you’ll just pull through this, I’ll never let anyone hurt you again…”

 

****************************

 

“You idiot.”

 

Lily couldn’t even bring herself to look at Barney at first, her eyes carefully downcast as she took the seat beside his bed, her hands folded in her lap. Her tone was stubbornly angry and defiant, as if by anger and accusations she could somehow fight off the reality of the situation.

 

“You stupid, reckless idiot. Going home with anyone and everyone, not a clue about their… their backgrounds or their… criminal records or _anything_ … I knew someday your stupid antics would end up getting you hurt, Barney, and I should have known… I should have known it would be…” Her voice faltered as she looked up at last, and took in the sight of him – so small and frail and damaged in the hospital bed that somehow seemed far too large for him. “Oh, Barney,” she whimpered, shaking her head, raising her hands to cover her face as her tears overwhelmed her with a sudden rush of guilt, and her poorly structured defenses fell away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it! It wasn’t your fault, not any of it, and I love you! We all love you! Barney, you’ve gotta be strong, sweetie… you’ve gotta make it through this… _please_ make it through this…”

 

She fell silent for a few minutes, gradually regaining her composure, then looked at him through red, tearful eyes soft with affection. She raised a cautious hand to brush his hair back from his face, her voice a gentle promise.

 

“I won’t ask you about what happened, Barney. I’ll never expect you to tell me. But if you ever want to… I’m here. I’ll listen. I’ll do anything you need to help you get better. Please, _please_ don’t give up. I promise you… you won’t have to go through this alone…”

 

*****************************

 

Robin had never been much of a crier.

 

By the time the others had their few minutes with Barney and she walked into the room, she had pretty much cried herself dry for the moment. She was silent, still, frozen in a sense of surrealism, as if this was all happening in some kind of dream or story, as she took her seat next to Barney’s bed.

 

She didn’t look at him for a long time, swallowing hard as her eyes seemed to lock onto the floor beside the bed. Finally, she forced herself to look at him, flinching immediately at the evidence of the savagery that had been inflicted upon him – while she was at home safe in her bed, mentally whining about his thoughtlessness in ditching her at the bar.

 

“If I’d believed you…” she whispered at last, eyes downcast again. “If I hadn’t… assumed the worst… maybe this wouldn’t have happened to you. Maybe… we would have found you in time to… to keep them from…”

 

She shook her head, choking down a painful sob that rose in her throat, immediately fighting to regain her composure. She didn’t deserve to indulge in her own self-pity. This was her fault, anyway. Without looking, she raised a trembling hand, cautious fingertips ghosting over the bruised skin just above the bandage that wrapped his wrist.

 

“I can’t expect you to ever forgive me… for just… leaving you to her. For just… walking away without a second thought. But… I _will_ ask you to… please _try_ , Barney. Please try to make it. I know it’s hard… I know I don’t deserve you, but…” Her voice broke, her shoulders shaking as she lowered her head and confessed, “… but I don’t want to lose you. I _can’t_. Please…” She looked up through tears on the still, battered face of the friend who knew her better than anyone else in the world.

 

“… please… please come back to me…"


	12. Chapter 12

For a long time, Barney was surrounded by a pleasant haze of grey nothingness, floating on pleasant waves of restful sleep. Gradually, however, the sweetness of oblivion began to fade away, slowly replaced by a faint twinge of pain… then a stronger ache, as sensation began to return… then finally an overwhelming wave of agony, as every part of his abused body began to scream in protest.

 

Confusion gave way to memory, and Barney panicked with the abrupt recollection of what his captors had planned for him.

 

 _No… no, I can’t let them… I have to get away… have to get away before they…_

 

He tried to raise his arms and legs, tried to rise from the place where he lay, but his muscles were slow and unresponsive, as if there was something heavy and stifling pinning him down. His panic intensified when his struggles proved useless. He tried to open his eyes, but the effort to do so was overwhelming, and he couldn’t penetrate the blackness that surrounded him. One horrifying, sickening thought filled his mind.

 _It’s too late! They’ve already done it, they’ve already buried me, and I can’t get out… I can’t get out! No, please, God, no!_

 

************************

 

“What’s happening in there? Please, wait a second… can you tell me what’s going on?”

 

Ted urgently stepped into the path of a nurse hurrying out of Barney’s room in the ICU. The small group had spent the greater part of the night huddled on a row of chairs just outside – as close as they were allowed to get to their injured friend. About ten minutes earlier, an unsettling commotion had drawn their attention, their fears intensifying when they saw that the focus of all the activity was, indeed, Barney’s room.

 

The nurse bit her lower lip, looking away self-consciously for a moment before returning her sympathetic gaze to Ted.

 

“He’s all right now. Don’t worry. He’s okay…”

 

“ _Now_ ,” Ted echoed, eyes wide and troubled as he searched her face for what she wasn’t telling them. “But he wasn’t a minute ago. What happened? What’s wrong?”

 

“The anesthetic just wore off a little earlier than we expected. He woke up and was a little disoriented and upset. He’s sedated now. He’s sleeping. He’s fine,” the nurse assured him gently.

 

“If he’s fine, then why all the drama?” Ted demanded, glancing skeptically toward the room where several staff members were still busy. “ _Something_ must have happened…”

 

“He was upset, like I said. You’ve seen his… condition. Because of his hands, the doctors thought it’d be best if he was… restrained. So he can’t do any more damage to his broken fingers. But, when he woke up like that… his vitals were unstable. Pulse, breathing… it’s a natural reaction to the… the confusion he was experiencing, but… physically, there doesn’t appear to be any new problem…”

 

“Oh, God,” Ted groaned, closing his eyes. He shook his head against the horrifying, heartbreaking image of Barney, frail and broken in the hospital bed, waking up alone and in unfamiliar surroundings, confused and terrified. “No…”

 

The nurse reached out to touch his arm, tactfully drawing his attention back to her. She gave him an understanding, compassionate smile as she continued.

 

“The fact that he’s made it this far without any serious physical complications is a very good sign. I know this is scary, but he’s doing very well, all things considered. If he’s still stable in the morning, his doctors are talking about moving him out of ICU and into a regular room. The next time the drugs start to wear off, the doctors will want to let him wake up for a little while, and maybe you’ll get the chance to talk to him a little. See for yourself.”

 

As the nurse dismissed herself and went about her business, Ted sank wearily into his seat again, raising a hand to cover his face as he let out a shaky sigh. Lily reached out from beside him to place a reassuring arm around his shoulders.

 

“It’s okay,” she murmured. “It’s going to be okay…”

 

“It’s just… he’s in there all alone,” Ted whispered, his voice trembling with helpless frustration. “He… he woke up just now, and… and he was… restrained, and … and alone in there, and… scared…”

 

“Shhh, it’s gonna be okay,” Lily repeated, running a hand slowly up and down Ted’s back in a soothing gesture. “You heard what she said. He’s doing well, and we’ll be able to see him tomorrow.”

 

“You won’t be any good to him if you don’t get some rest,” Marshall gently pointed out, resting his hand on Ted’s shoulder, glancing approvingly at Robin, who had finally fallen asleep in the chair next to his, in what appeared to be a highly uncomfortable position. “None of us will. You should try to sleep… just a little… and when they wake him up in the morning, we’ll all be able to be right there with him and let him know that he’s safe and he’s gonna be okay.”

 

Ted nodded, silently accepting the logic of their words, but he knew there was no way he’d be able to sleep – not until he knew that Barney was going to be okay.

 

**************************

 

The next time Barney woke up, his friends were ready.

 

He was moved to a private room out of the ICU the next morning, and his friends promptly set up camp, none of them leaving for more than a few minutes at a time, in case Barney should wake up while they were gone.

 

The nurse’s suppositions had proven mostly accurate. The doctors had decided to allow the sedative to wear off and Barney to awaken, in order to test his cognitive responses, to make sure he had made it through everything okay. Of course, they were going to be at the ready to administer more painkillers or sedatives if he needed them – which was very likely.

 

Barney’s friends knew that their window of opportunity to talk to him would be slim, and none of them wanted to miss it. They all wanted to see for themselves that he was alive and conscious and going to be all right.

 

Ted was just walking back into the room with a can of soda when Barney began to wake up. The steady beeps of the heart monitor became rapid and erratic, and Barney let out a weak groan, stirring slightly on the bed. Ted dropped the unopened can onto the sofa beside the bed, rushing to Barney’s side.

 

“Barney? Can you hear me?”

 

“Oh, my God, he’s awake,” Lily whispered, sitting forward in her chair.

 

Robin rose to her feet beside Lily, but didn’t dare venture any nearer to the bed. Marshall glanced between Lily and the bed, reaching out to grasp his wife’s hand in a silent show of support.

 

Barney gave no indication of understanding anything that was being said or done around him, his heart rate continuing to climb as his wrists jerked against the restraints that still held him to the bed. A hoarse whimper of protest escaped his lips when his efforts were thwarted, and he shook his head slightly in a silent plea.

 

“Barney… Barney, it’s okay… it’s all right, we’re here with you… we’re here, and you’re safe…”

 

Several staff members hurried into the room, bustling about the bed, checking Barney’s vitals and fluids and, as far as Ted was concerned, just getting in the way. One of them even went so far as to try to gently push him away from the bed. Ted jerked indignantly away from their well-meaning hands, stubbornly refusing to move, reaching out to gently grasp Barney’s arm above the restraints.

 

“Just give me a minute!” he snapped at the nurse who started to protest, leaning in close, trying to get through to Barney in his semi-conscious state. “Barney, it’s all right… you’re in the hospital, and we’re all here, and you’re _safe._ Okay? You’re safe now.”

 

Ted was determined that this time, Barney would know that he was not alone.

 

*****************************

 

Barney went from peaceful rest, to uneasy sleep fraught with dark fears and half-formed nightmares, to a state of panic as once again the physical pain of his injuries began to return. His hands throbbed with a deep, dull ache, and he instinctively tried to raise them, only to find that he couldn’t. Dread surged through him, overwhelming him with a dark realization.

 _I’m still there… still tied down, waiting for them to… to… what are they going to do to me next? Please… please, no… no…_

 

He struggled uselessly against his bonds as he heard a muffled voice as from a great distance drifting through the confusing haze that surrounded him. Instantly he went still, ceasing his efforts to escape.

 

 _It’ll just make them angry… just make them hurt me more… gotta do what they say, gotta be still, be good, not give them any reason to… but… but they don’t_ need _a reason, they’re going to kill me… they’re going to… to…_

 _Please don’t… I’ll do anything, just please don’t…_

 

It was like slowly drifting toward the surface from under a great depth of water as the voices around him gradually became clearer – as did his pain. He felt a deep tremor run through him, shaking his entire body as he tried to will himself away, back into the quiet, empty peacefulness of sleep.

 

“Barney… Barney, it’s okay…”

 

The familiar voice broke through his terrified thoughts, and Barney felt hope stirring within him at the sound.

 

 _Ted?_

 

“… we’re here with you… we’re here, and you’re safe…”

 

Barney’s stomach lurched with fear when he felt a firm male hand close around his forearm, flinching slightly, though the restraints held him in place. Ted was still talking to him – the voice was unmistakably Ted’s now – but Barney couldn’t understand why he was still tied down, if he was really safe and free. His lips parted to speak, but his mouth was painfully dry and all that came out was a weak croaking sound. He tried again to pull free of his bonds, shaking his head in confusion.

 

Ted seemed to read his mind, his next words offering the reassurance Barney so desperately needed.

 

“No, no, it’s okay, Barney. It’s just so you won’t hurt yourself. You’re in the hospital. Your hands… your hands are hurt really bad, and it’s just so you can’t hurt them any worse, okay? You’re safe… you’re okay, really, I promise you… you’re okay now…”

 

Barney tried to open his eyes, though they felt heavy, and the slivers of light that pierced his gaze were painfully bright. He drew in a deep, shaky breath, taking in the harsh, antiseptic smell of the hospital room, familiar from the last time he had been in one. He swallowed hard, the effort to moisten his dry mouth painful, but necessary.

 

He barely recognized his own voice, hoarse and pleading, breaking over his friend’s name. “T-Ted?”

 

Ted’s nearly silent, shaking sobs were the only response for a long moment, before he forced out tearful words. “Yeah, buddy… it’s me. And… and Robin and Lily and Marshall. We’re all here. We’re all right here with you and you’re gonna be fine, okay? You’re gonna be just fine…”

 

“ _Ted_ …”

 

*****************************

 

As Ted spoke to him, Barney’s vitals had began to return to normal; so the nurses had backed off a bit, one of them going to get Barney’s doctor, while the others simply hovered, waiting and watching in case something should go wrong, but otherwise allowing Ted the room and space to talk to his friend. Robin, Marshall and Lily sat beside the bed, not willing to venture any nearer and further upset the already wary hospital staff.

 

Besides, Ted seemed to have things pretty well under control.

 

The second time Barney spoke Ted’s name, it was a deep sob, expressing more in that single syllable than anything else he could have said. In that one word, Ted heard all the anguish and terror and relief and desperation of everything Barney had endured over the past few days. The broken, exposed sound of his voice tore at Ted’s heart, making his eyes well with tears. His fingers relaxed their grip on Barney’s arm, instead trailing gently up and down in a soothing gesture.

 

His voice was a hoarse whisper. “I know, Barney… I know…”

 

Barney’s shoulders shook with sobs, and his eyes scrunched tight. “Ted…” he repeated over and over in a whisper, as if both trying to convince himself that Ted was really there, and begging him not to leave. “Ted…”

 

“I’m here, Barney… I’m right here… and it’s all over now. You’re gonna be okay…”

 

Barney opened his mouth as if to speak again, but then bit his lower lip, swallowing back a sob. He turned his head away, shaking his head despairingly. Ted’s heart sank, a deep ache building in his chest – because Barney didn’t have to speak for Ted to understand.

 

The shame in the gesture as Barney turned his head away, as if trying to hide himself from the scrutiny of his friend, made it all too clear that Ted’s suspicions had been accurate. The beatings and torture had been the least of what had happened to Barney. His spirit and mind had been as brutally violated as his body.

 

It wasn’t over, and it wasn’t okay – not yet.

 

Maybe not ever.


	13. Chapter 13

Despite the fact that he’d been sleeping for hours, Barney was still too exhausted to stay awake for long. The medications needed to keep his immense pain at bay were strong enough to keep him extremely drowsy and out of it. Nevertheless, the doctor tried to get him to answer some questions in an attempt to gauge his mental state following his numerous surgeries.

 

“Can you tell me your name?”

 

“B-Barney… Stinson…”

 

The words came out slurred and with a far greater effort than they should have required, but Barney managed to at least get the answer right, and that was what was important to the doctor.

 

“Where do you live, Barney?”

 

Barney only managed to get half of his address out, stumbling over the words, before his voice seemed to fade out, his eyes drifting shut again. It didn’t matter. It was enough for the doctor to tell that there didn’t seem to be any mental impairment.

 

“That’s fine, Barney. Very good. I’m going to give you some more painkillers now, so you can get some more rest…”

 

Barney shook his head, frowning, struggling to find the strength to voice his protest. “D-don’t… don’t wanna… sleep…”

 

“You _need_ to,” the doctor insisted gently. “Right now the best thing for you is rest, and lots of it. The drugs will help you to get that…”

 

“N-no… no, I… can’t… don’t…”

 

There was a note of panic in Barney’s voice, eyes hazy but wide with fear as he shook his head pleadingly. Ted edged nearer to the bed; his hand closed gently around Barney’s wrist in what he hoped was a reassuring grip.

 

“He’s right, Barney, you need to rest,” he pointed out softly, meeting his friend’s eyes with tears in his own. “You need to get better.”

 

It was Marshall that first caught on to what the problem might have been. He rose and moved to the opposite side of the bed, reaching out to touch Barney’s other arm and get his attention before speaking in a tone of compassion and understanding.

 

“You’re safe now, Barney. We’re not going to let anything happen to you.”

 

Robin remained on the edge of the sofa, biting her lower lip anxiously, not quite daring to approach Barney's side. Ted cast her a worried glance, noticing once again that she seemed to be taking all of this very hard, in a very personal way; but as much as he cared for her, he didn't have the time or energy to spend on Robin's issues right then. Barney had to be his focus at the moment.

Lily had followed her husband, hovering near his side, giving Barney a reassuring smile through her tears as she reached out to gently stroke his hair. “We’re gonna be right here the whole time,” she promised with a nod.

 

Barney looked between his three friends with wide, uncertain eyes. His eyelids began to droop, and he struggled to find the strength to speak. He was quickly weakening from the exhaustion and pain, not to mention the remnants of the drugs that were still in his system, even if they were not quite enough to relieve his pain and cause him to rest.

 

“I… please… don’t… don’t go…”

 

“We’re not going anywhere. We’ll be right here when you wake up,” Ted promised softly. “Just… let them help you rest, Barney.”

 

Barney hesitated a moment, his faltering gaze finally locking onto Ted’s face before he nodded slowly. Ted, Marshall, and Lily stayed close as the doctor moved forward and administered the next dose of Barney’s medication, making sure that they were the last thing he saw before his eyes drifted shut again and he descended back into sleep.

 

******************************

 

The next time Barney awakened, the ever-present pain was still there, unmistakable – but less intense. Through the haze of pain and lingering sleep he thought that perhaps they were finally figuring out the right combination of painkillers to keep him relatively comfortable, while not hovering on the edge of unconsciousness.

 

He opened his eyes, blinking into the stillness of the dimly lit room. The clock on the wall told him that it was late in the evening. He winced as he shifted his weight on the bed, turning to take in the comforting sight of his friends. Ted and Lily were dozing on the sofa, her head resting on his shoulder. Robin was lying on a cot that had been brought in at some point.

 

Barney felt a pang of guilty concern when he noticed that she was frowning, shifting restlessly in her sleep.

 

“Hey, buddy. How you feeling?”

 

Barney’s heart leapt up into his throat at the unexpected voice from his other side, and he flinched in response to it, his head whipping toward the source of the sound, eyes wide and panicked. Immediately he regretted the sudden motion as his jarred body screamed its protest. He bit back a groan of pain, his eyes closing tight for a moment as he tried not to scream aloud.

 

“Hey, hey, easy… easy, Barney, it’s okay, it’s just me…” Marshall reassured him, leaning forward in the chair beside the bed and placing a cautious hand on Barney’s shoulder to steady him. “Man, I am an _idiot_ ,” he muttered, shaking his head in self-directed disgust. “I’m sorry, Barney, I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s okay. You’re safe, buddy. You’re safe here.”

 

A fine tremor of mingled terror and relief coursed through Barney’s painfully tense frame, adding to his discomfort as he tried to control his reaction. He swallowed hard, but the action was painful due to his dry, disused mouth. He spoke just a single word that came out in a pleading croak.

 

“Water…?”

 

“Yeah, sure, just a second…” Marshall rushed to pour a plastic cup full of water from the small pitcher on the tray attached to Barney’s bed. “Here you go, Barney… let me help you…”

 

Barney’s tried to raise his hands to hold the cup, and had another moment of panic when he couldn’t move them, before remembering what Ted had told him before.

 

 _Just so I can’t hurt them worse… it’s okay, no one wants to hurt me here… it’s okay…_ he told himself over and over again.

 

He just wished he could make himself believe it.

 

The cool water eased his dry, aching throat, and Barney leaned back against his pillow again, closing his eyes for a moment, drawing in then letting out a deep, shaky breath. Once he had closed his eyes, he found that he didn’t want to open them again. He didn’t want to face Marshall and his concern and his questions, without knowing how much Marshall knew about what had happened to him.

 

He had the terrible feeling that once he did know how much his friends knew, he’d never want to look Marshall – or anyone – in the eyes again.

 

***********************************

 

 _Stupid, that was so stupid, Marshall…_

 

Marshall fought off the urge to punch something in his frustration with his own thoughtlessness in dealing with Barney’s trauma, well aware that such a reaction would only make things worse.

 

 _Should have thought… no sudden movements, no loud voices, no startling him at all…_

 

“Robin… and Ted… they’re okay? When I… last thing I remember… she was… fighting… They weren’t… hurt, at all?”

 

Barney’s hoarse words broke through Marshall’s mental self-coaching, and he felt tears spring to his eyes at the concern in Barney’s voice. Given his own desperate condition, Marshall thought it was amazing that Barney thought of his friends’ safety immediately upon waking.

 

And Marshall’s hopeless-romantic side couldn’t help but notice that Robin and her safety were the first thing to cross Barney’s mind upon waking – besides “water”, but even Marshall’s romantic side had to cut the guy a _little_ slack on account of all he’d been through. Marshall’s expression softened with sympathy.

 

“Are you kidding?” he replied with warmth and affectionate humor in his voice. “It’s _Robin_. She kicked that bitch’s _ass_.” Rewarded with the barest hint of a smile on Barney’s lips, Marshall allowed himself a soft laugh. “Why was there even a _question_?”

 

Barney looked away, his smile slowly fading from his lips, leaving only something dark and unfathomable in his haunted eyes. Marshall felt a chill of sick understanding pass through him with the realization that Barney had seen things – _experienced_ things – at the hands of his kidnappers that made his fears for Robin very reasonable indeed.

 

“What… what happened to… to _them_?”

 

The tremor of dread in Barney’s voice left no doubt as to what “them” he was referring to.

 

And that left Marshall in a horrible position. He swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, breaking out in a cold sweat as his mind raced, seeking some kind of explanation that would put Barney’s mind at ease without outright lying to him.

 

“Well, the cops showed up, and… and did their job, so…”

 

Barney frowned, and Marshall’s heart sank. He sucked so badly at this that, even drugged half out of his mind and half-asleep, Barney could still see through his weak attempts at evasion.

 

“So… they arrested them? They’re… in jail?”

 

The pleading desperation in Barney’s trembling voice tore at Marshall’s heart. He couldn’t bring himself to tell his friend that one of his torturers was still on the loose, free to come back and try to finish the job if he so chose, and the other was here in the very same hospital with him, even if she _was_ chained to her bed. He hesitated, at a loss for cleverly evasive words, or for _any_ words that would assuage the certain panic Barney would feel if he told him the truth.

 

So… Marshall made a split-second decision that he would come to regret.

 

He lied.

 

“Yeah. They’re in jail.” He gently squeezed Barney’s arm in reassurance. “You’re safe, buddy. Everything’s okay.”

 

Barney let out a heavy sigh of relief, closing his eyes and resting his head again. Marshall frowned with concern, his eyes darting down to Barney’s wrists, jerking reflexively against the restraints that still bound them as a tiny, frustrated frown creased his brow. He opened his eyes and looked down at the leather straps with a troubled, fearful gaze. The soft, distant words he spoke next – not really to Marshall or anyone but himself – made Marshall’s heart lurch with sympathy.

 

“I’m so sick of this… sick of being… tied up. Sick of being…”

 

He didn’t finish the thought. He didn’t have to. The word was echoing painfully in Marshall’s mind.

 

 _… helpless…_

 

Without a word, he reached for the strap Barney was looking at and began to unfasten the buckle that held it in place. Barney looked up at him, surprised and bewildered. Marshall’s jaw was set with stubborn determination as he lay the restraint aside and moved on to the next one.

 

“These were to keep you from accidentally hurting your hands in your sleep,” he explained with a slight shrug. “Well, you’re awake now.” He looked up to meet Barney’s gaze with a bright smile that didn’t quite touch his eyes – a look that carried a hint of danger toward anyone who might dare to cross him in that moment. “If the doctors get pissed off about it, they can get pissed off with _me_.”

 

There was a flash of gratitude in Barney’s eyes before he stared down at his hands again, slowly raising them in front of his face to study them, a faraway look in his eyes.

 

****************************

 

 _“Stupid little whore!”_

 _Barney struggled weakly as his wrist was pinned to the hardwood floor by one of Allison’s heels. He was too weary and injured by this point to be able to put up much of a fight._

 _His mistake had been trying to do so anyway._

 _“You think you could get away with something like that? Going for her knife like that? You actually think you could take us?”_

 _Ryan laughed, a dark, cruel sound that sent a shiver of dread and despair through Barney’s entire being. A moment later, the hard sole of Ryan’s boot came down on Barney’s exposed, restrained hand, crushing it beneath his foot with brutal force. Barney let out a choked scream of agony, only to be viciously kicked in the face to silence him. Then Ryan’s foot came down on his hand again, and again, and again…_

 _Silent sobs of anguish shook through Barney, and he flinched blindly in panic as Ryan crouched beside him, though he was unable to pull away much due to Allison’s foot still pinning his wrist to the ground. He raised his trembling free hand in front of him in a pleading, submissive gesture, eyes downcast, as Ryan moved slowly, deliberately, into his space, a cold smile on his lips, his words of steel wrapped in satin softness._

 _“How about now?”_

 _*****************************_

“Barney? _Barney_! Hey…”

 

Marshall’s urgent, concerned voice drew Barney out of his horrific reverie, and he flinched slightly, looking up at Marshall, startled. His shoulders trembled as he bit his lower lip, struggling to hold back the pathetic sounds that rose in his throat. He turned his head away, his face flushed with shame at the dismay and pity in Marshall’s eyes.

 

To his credit, it only took Marshall a matter of moments to cover it.

 

“Hey, man, it’s okay,” he assured Barney in a calm, almost casual tone, trying to put his friend at ease. “You’re a stronger man than I am, that’s for sure.”

 

Barney looked up at him incredulously, not voicing the obvious question in his eyes.

 

Marshall shrugged slightly, explaining, “You survived it, and I probably wouldn’t have. I’m a big guy, but I’m a big baby when it comes to… to pain, or… or… well…”

 

Marshall’s voice trailed off awkwardly as he suddenly felt foolish, as if he was trying to compare his occasional stubbed toe or sore back with the unthinkable torture Barney had just endured. He swallowed hard, looking away self-consciously as an awkward silence descended.

 

“It would never have happened to you.”

 

Marshall looked up at Barney sharply, frowning in confusion. “What? Why?”

 

Barney just shook his head, looking away, unable or unwilling to answer.

 

*****************************

 

 _Because you’ve never taken advantage of a woman in your life. Because you’re a decent person and not a reckless, selfish, stupid slut like me who makes new enemies every day._

 _Because you don’t deserve it…_

Barney couldn’t bring himself to voice the dark thoughts that circled in his mind, so he just shook his head slowly, whispering so softly that the sound was barely audible at all.

 

“Never mind…”

 

“Barney,” Marshall persisted gently, concerned. “ _What_?”

 

“Nothing,” Barney insisted softly, not looking at Marshall as a cruel diatribe played over and over again in his mind.

 

 _And that’s exactly why this happened to you, Barney Stinson – because that’s what you are… what you’re worth…_

 _Nothing._


	14. Chapter 14

Barney stayed awake for several hours.

 

He hadn’t been awake long when the others began to wake up, joining him and Marshall. They were thrilled to see him alert and apparently feeling a little better – at least physically. Ted awakened first, and his excited voice was what drew Lily from sleep. They both moved to his bedside, crowding close, each trying to find some way in which to touch him without hurting him.

 

Barney wished they wouldn’t.

 

He wasn’t sure he could have explained the taut, trembling sensation in his stomach at the feeling of their hands on his skin – the way the comforting, innocent touches of his friends made his heart race and his brow break out in a cold sweat – and he didn’t want to have to try.

 

By the time they had settled a bit, Barney was certain that they must have awakened Robin with all their excitement. Hesitant, uncertain, and yet eager to see for himself that she was okay, he glanced past them toward the cot where she had slept.

 

It was empty.

 

“Where’d Robin go?” he asked, hating the slight tremor in his voice.

 

“I, uh… I’m not sure.” Lily frowned. “She was here a second ago… wasn’t she?”

 

“Maybe she had to use the bathroom,” Marshall helpfully suggested. “She’s been here all night. She’ll be right back.”

 

But she wasn’t.

 

Barney’s friends tried to distract him from her absence, tried to keep the conversation light and casual; but it didn’t feel genuine. It felt tense, awkward – forced. The truth of what had happened to him was a giant presence in the room with them – something they all knew was there, they all knew each other knew, but everyone was trying to pretend it wasn’t there at all.

 

They all were failing miserably in that attempt.

 

After a little while, Lily excused herself. She said she was going to talk to the doctor, but everyone knew she was going to look for Robin. When Barney caught himself glancing anxiously toward the door for about the tenth time, Ted spoke up again, his tone nervous and uncertain.

 

“I’m sure she’ll be back any minute, Barney,” he assured him. “She probably just went to… get a bite to eat or something. She probably doesn’t even know you’re awake…”

 

“Ted… you don’t have to,” Barney cut him off quietly, a humorless little smile on his lips as he looked away. “I get it.”

 

“Oh.” Ted seemed surprised, unsure how to respond to that for a moment. “Good,” he added at last, glaring toward the door with quiet frustration. “Because _I_ don’t.”

 

Barney didn’t try to explain Robin’s actions to Ted. He didn’t have the strength or courage to do so. He didn’t blame her for not wanting to be around him, not if she had any idea of what had been done to him over the past few days. It was his own fault, for being so stupid as to follow Allison out into the alley – for being so foolish as to have slept with her in the first place.

 

Why would Robin want anything to do with the damaged wreck that had been left of him – especially when it was his own fault that it had happened at all?

 

*****************************

 

Lily returned a few minutes later with Barney’s doctor, who told them he thought Barney would be well enough to travel in a couple more days. He could return home to New York with his friends as an outpatient, his care transferred to his own physician.

 

Barney couldn’t wait to leave this place as far behind him as possible.

 

“It’ll be good to get home,” he remarked with a soft sigh of relief as the doctor left the room. “And _never_ come back to freakin’ _Jersey_.”

 

“Yeah,” Ted agreed whole-heartedly. He considered a moment before reminding Barney cautiously, “You’ll probably have to come back at some point though. You know – for the trial. Maybe during the investigation a little; I’m not sure how this all works…”

 

Barney didn’t want to think about it – didn’t want to think about _anything_ – but he knew the technicalities of the legal situation he was now in had to be considered. He frowned thoughtfully, not quite meeting the eyes of his friends as he asked a question in a quiet, almost detached tone of voice.

 

“Do you think there’ll be two separate trials? Or just one for both of them?”

 

Ted frowned, puzzled by the question. “Well, maybe…” he began slowly, watching Barney closely as he answered. “I’m not sure. I guess that’d depend on… how long it takes them to…”

 

Marshall cleared his throat sharply, and Ted glanced at him in confusion. Marshall shook his head slightly, his eyes wide and trapped. Ted looked between him and Barney, who was fortunately already distracted without even hearing the answer to his question, staring at the wall in front of him with a distant, haunted look in his eyes.

 

Ted focused on him with concern, his head tilted slightly. “Barney…?”

 

Barney shook his head as if shaking himself out of a trance, turning startled eyes toward Ted before letting out a heavy sigh. “I’m just glad to know they’re both in jail,” he said softly, staring at the wall again.

 

Ted’s eyes widened with stunned disbelief, his lips parting to respond, before understanding suddenly flooded in, and he gave Marshall an accusing look that silently demanded an explanation. Marshall was refusing to look at him, guilt written clearly all over his face. Ted glanced toward Barney again, not wanting to be too obvious about his concerns.

 

It didn’t seem to be an issue. Barney no longer even seemed aware of their presence in the room.

 

“Marshall?” Ted spoke with clipped, false pleasantry, his words slow and measured as he rose to his feet. “A word?”

 

He didn’t wait for a response before stepping out into the hallway, certain that Marshall would follow him. His gait shuffling and self-conscious, looking far smaller than his usually imposing height, Marshall walked out into the hallway. Ted waited until they had gone several yards down the hallway to spin on his heel and face his friend.

 

“He thinks they’re in jail, Marshall. Why does he think they’re in jail, _Marshall_?”

 

“Because I… might have… told him that,” Marshall admitted in a fretful voice, glancing back toward Barney’s room with troubled, regretful eyes.

 

“Marshall, why would you _do_ that?” Ted demanded, his voice a low hiss, as if he was afraid that Barney could still somehow hear them through the closed door down the hall. “He has to know the truth…”

 

“I know, but I couldn’t be the one to tell him, Ted, I _couldn’t_!” Marshall tried to explain, his urgent, pleading words accompanied by his usual large, expressive hand gestures. “He’s freaked out enough as it is, and he asked me what happened to them, and Ted, if you could have seen his _face_ …” Marshall’s voice dropped off for a moment as he struggled to regain his composure, turning his face away and swallowing hard before meeting Ted’s eyes once more and continuing in a low, measured voice. “… there is _no way_ that I could _possibly_ have told him that one of those monsters is still on the loose, and the other one is here in the same _freakin’ hospital_. I know I should have, I know it was stupid and it’s gonna come back to bite me, but I just _couldn’t_. You have to understand that.”

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, letting out his breath in a heavy sigh, rubbing his hands over his eyes in exhausted frustration. “Okay,” he admitted softly at last, shaking his head. “Okay, I get it. I understand why you did it.” He looked up to meet Marshall’s gaze again, his eyes troubled and full of dread. “But it was still a horrible idea. He’s going to have to know the truth, and sooner, not later. And when he finds out that you lied to him, he’s not going to take that very well. He’s just been through an incredibly traumatic ordeal, Marshall, and… and it’s very important right now that he knows who he can trust.”

 

“He can trust me, Ted,” Marshall insisted quietly. “He can trust me not to hurt him when he’s already down.”

 

*****************************

 

It was the first time since he’d awakened that Lily had found herself alone with Barney. She’d wanted such an opportunity, convinced from past experience and what she knew of her friend that he would be more willing to allow his vulnerability to show when his male friends were out of sight and earshot.

 

But now that she _was_ alone with him… she didn’t know what to say.

 

She couldn’t tell him she understood – couldn’t tell him she was sorry. What good would that do? She couldn’t even tell him everything would be all right, because she wasn’t at all sure yet that it would be. Ted and Marshall had been so tense and upset when they’d left the room, and Robin – well, who even knew where she was right now?

 

How was Barney supposed to function in the wake of his devastating ordeal, when his support system was crumbling from beneath him?

 

She noticed him looking longingly toward the door again, and let out a soft, sympathetic sigh. “She’ll come around, Barney. I promise. She just… she doesn’t know how to deal with this right now.”

 

Barney nodded but didn’t speak, his eyes a little too wide as he looked away from her, swallowing hard.

 

“She… she blames herself for what happened. She thinks it was her fault.”

 

Barney looked up at her again, sharply, confusion and disbelief in his eyes. “How could it possibly be _her_ fault?”

 

Lily studied him closely, then chose to address the unspoken assumption made clear by the subtle inflection of his voice, rather than the obvious question in his words, which was not nearly as important. She reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm, firmly holding his gaze as she stated with quiet conviction and certainty.

 

“Barney… it wasn’t _your_ fault, either.”

 

Barney looked away again, blinking back tears, unable to speak. Lily leaned in closer, her hand sliding gently up and down his arm. She wasn’t sure how to get through to him, how to make him understand. She looked down at her own hand, biting her lower lip in frustration. Her voice was a tremulous, tearful whisper as she made a soft confession.

 

“I wish I could hold your hand.”

 

The tenderness in her voice and the simple, honest tenderness of her words brought tears to Barney’s eyes, and he lowered his head, his shoulders trembling slightly as he tried to blink them away without her noticing.

 

He failed.

 

“Barney,” she objected, “this is _me_ , okay? Who are you trying to hide from?”

 

He did not look up, shaking his head, at a loss for an answer.

 

“I’m the one you came to about Robin… and the one you talked to when you were fighting with Ted… and… and you can be real with me, okay? You don’t have anything to be ashamed of!”

 

Barney opened his mouth as if to respond, though no words came, and he simply shook his head again. Determined, Lily leaned forward, raising a slow, cautious hand toward his face. Unwilling to startle him, she gently tilted his chin upward and toward her until he reluctantly met her eyes, his own welling with unshed tears he was struggling to hold back.

 

In a soft, gentle tone, she repeated firmly, “You have _nothing_ to be ashamed of, Barney. You’ve just been through something most people will thankfully never have to go through, and it’s only natural that it’s not going to be easy. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

 

*****************************

 

Barney nodded in token acceptance of her words, but there was no conviction in the response, intended only to appease her.

 

He knew better.

 

He had a _lot_ of things to be ashamed of.

 

Lily knew that, even if she was pretending otherwise for his comfort. In the quiet stillness of the room, without the unsettling, surrounded feeling of having everyone crowded in, the simple sweet touch of her hand on his arm, his face, was reassuring, soothing, instead of frightening. He closed his eyes, leaning instinctively into her hand on his cheek, swallowing back the sob that rose in his throat.

 

Lily responded with a gentle shushing sound, rising from her seat and leaning in closer to gently wrap her free arm around his shoulders, resting her cheek against his and holding him close.

 

“Shhh, it’s okay, sweetie… it’s gonna be okay…”

 

He knew it wasn’t true, and he knew he didn’t deserve it – but he would willingly accept the comfort she offered. He allowed his head to rest on her shoulder, drawing in several deep, shaky breaths in an attempt to control the tumultuous emotions raging through him in that moment. He allowed her to hold him, allowed her to speak the soft, meaningless words intended to somehow make him feel better.

 

But he did not allow a single tear to fall.


	15. Chapter 15

“So, there you are.”

 

Robin glanced wearily up at Ted as he sat down in the seat beside her, looking away again almost immediately. She didn’t seem particularly surprised or upset that he had found her; in fact, she didn’t show much reaction at all beyond a soft sigh of resignation.

 

Ted cast a dubious look in the direction of the sign on the wall across from them.

 

 _‘Pediatrics and Obstetrics Waiting Room’_

 

“Is there some reason why you’re here?” he gently prodded her, a slight note of teasing to his voice as he added, “Something you’ve been keeping from us?”

 

Robin didn’t reward his comment with even the faintest of smiles. She shrugged slightly, eyes focused on the floor in front of her, elbows resting on her knees in a pose that made her look much smaller and more vulnerable than she usually appeared. Her tone was flat, almost emotionless, as she explained.

 

“I just knew this was the last place you guys would look for me.”

 

“Oh. That makes sense,” Ted conceded with a slow nod, eyes locked onto her as his voice finally betrayed a trace of his frustration. “Which is good, because otherwise I’d have to assume you’d _lost your mind_. Robin… what the hell?”

 

Robin bit her lower lip, studiously avoiding his gaze, her jaw locked in stubborn determination not to have this discussion. Unfortunately for her, Ted was equally determined to have it.

 

“What are you doing?” he persisted, his voice soft but intent. “Why aren’t you up there with Barney? He needs you right now, Robin! He needs _all_ of us – and you’re hiding down here in pediatrics.” He paused, a note of irony lightening his tone slightly as he added, “You’d rather face a ward full of _kids_ than your own best friend who needs you? Okay, maybe you _have_ lost your mind.”

 

Robin was silent for a long moment, and Ted had just begun to wonder if she intended to continue ignoring him indefinitely when she finally shook her head, a convulsive swallow visible in her throat, her eyes welling with unshed tears when she finally met his gaze.

 

“I don’t think he _does_ need me, Ted.” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head and gesturing helplessly toward herself. “I… don’t know how to do this… what to do for him. I’m useless when it comes to things like this…”

 

“Yeah. Because the rest of us have crap loads of experience with ‘things like this’.”

Robin blinked, taken aback a bit by Ted’s flat sarcasm, softened a bit by the sympathy in his dark, gentle eyes. “None of us know how to do this, Robin. None of us have been here before. There’s no textbook answer. But if there was a textbook for ‘My Best Friend’s Just Been Tortured and Traumatized’, the first page would probably say something like ‘ _Don’t abandon him_!’”

 

“I know,” Robin admitted at last, her misery evident in her voice as she sniffed back tears and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Ted. I just… I can’t face him right now.”

 

“Why not?” Ted gave her no respite, calmly, persistently pushing her to get through this, for Barney’s sake.

 

“Why would he even _want_ me there?” Robin exploded quietly, raising a hand in a frustrated gesture. “This whole thing is my fault, anyway! If I’d have believed him when he told me where he was going, and hadn’t waited until the _next freakin’ day_ before even considering that maybe he was in trouble…”

 

“Robin… there’s no way you could have known. Barney doesn’t blame you. He’s been looking for you all day. Every time the door to his room opens. You should see his face, Robin. He wants you there… and he’s really confused by the fact that you’re not.”

 

Robin’s eyes widened in sudden clarity, as she realized what sort of an impact her absence might have had on her suffering friend. She lowered her head to rest in her hands, running them agitatedly through her hair before looking up to meet Ted’s eyes again, then staring at the floor at his feet as she spoke in a halting, uncertain voice.

 

“I’m sorry. I should have been there. I just… I just freaked out.” She shook her head slowly, repeating softly, “I don’t know how to do this.” She looked up at Ted again, barely restrained panic in her eyes. “What do I say? What can I do to help him?”

 

“Just be there. That’s all he needs you to do.” Ted gently explained, reaching out to place a supportive hand on her nervously crossed arms. “What he doesn’t need is to think that he’s so irrevocably screwed up by this that you no longer want anything to do with him. He needs to know that when you look at him, you still see the same guy he was three days ago.” He was quiet a moment before stating the obvious conclusion. “You need to go to him now.”

 

Ted rose to his feet, extending a hand to help Robin to her feet.

 

She hesitated a moment, staring dubiously between Ted and his hand, biting her lower lips nervously. Finally, she took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. Together, they made their way back to Barney’s room.

 

******************************

 

Marshall was dozing on the sofa in the corner of the room, while Lily sat in the chair beside Barney’s bed, her fingers gently stroking through his hair as he slept. Ted and Robin weren’t particularly quiet as they entered the room, and Barney began to stir slightly at the ordinary sounds of the door and their voices.

 

Robin almost panicked again, and probably would have bolted if Ted had given her the chance – but he didn’t. He stopped in the doorway and gestured for Lily to come to him, then quietly closed the door behind them, leaving Robin virtually alone with Barney before she had time to realize what he was doing.

 

She stood there in stunned, indignant realization for a moment, glaring over her shoulder at the closed door where Ted had been, before hesitantly making her way nearer to the bed. Barney was frowning in his sleep, shaking his head slightly as he drifted back to wakefulness.

 

Robin couldn’t get past how very small and frail and helpless he appeared, bruised and battered and covered in bandages, surrounded by tubes and monitors and all the other unsettling hospital paraphernalia. Her heart ached to think of how much he had suffered, how much he would still likely suffer, because of her own thoughtlessness and disregard for his safety.

 

Still, Ted’s reproachful words echoed in her mind, and she knew that no matter how badly it hurt her to do so, she had to be there for him if he wanted her. She didn’t know why he would, but that didn’t matter.

 

All that mattered was that Barney did not wake up alone.

 

She took Lily’s place beside his bed, reaching out a tentative hand to rest over his thickly bandaged one, and an even more cautious hand to brush through the unusually soft blond hair that framed his face.

 

Apparently he was closer to awakening than she had realized; because at the touch of her hand, Barney flinched slightly, drawing in a sharp, startled gasp as his eyes flew open in alarm. Robin quickly backed off, withdrawing her hands and staring down at him through stricken eyes.

 

“I’m sorry,” she stammered. “I’m sorry, Barney, I didn’t mean to…”

 

“Robin!” The pure relief and happiness she heard in his voice stopped her defenses in their tracks. “You’re here…” His voice trailed off strangely, and he looked away from her face, as if unable to voice the question in his mind as to why she was only just now showing up.

 

Robin gave him the only answer she had to give, with a little grimace and a self-deprecating shrug.

 

“Yeah. I decided to stop being a moron.”

 

Barney looked up at her sharply, shaking his head. “You’re not…”

 

“No, I should have been here,” she cut him off firmly, eyes downcast as she bravely struggled to go on. “I shouldn’t have…” Her voice trailed off as she couldn’t seem to find the right words. “I just… I don’t know… what I was thinking…”

 

************************

 

Barney knew.

 

“It’s okay,” he softly offered her escape, mercifully releasing her from the rambling, awkward explanation she was trying to offer. “I get it.”

 

His face flushed with shame, and he found that he couldn’t quite meet her eyes as he spoke. He knew why she hadn’t wanted to be here, knew why she didn’t want to be here now, though she felt somehow… obligated, or responsible, or something. He wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to be anywhere near him again.

 

 _I’m ruined… damaged… no good for anyone anymore, least of all her. Why should she want to have anything to do with_ this? _When she could have any man she wants? When she deserves so much more? She deserved better than me_ before _any of this happened… and now…_

An overwhelming sense of shame and disgust came over him, and he swallowed back a wave of nausea as he imagined what she must be thinking, how she must see him now, in light of all that had been done to him. Surely she knew. Surely they all knew exactly how completely he’d been violated, degraded and destroyed.

Why on earth would she want to have anything to do with him, to touch him or even be near him – when he didn’t even want to be near _himself_ anymore?

 

“No, I was wrong,” Robin insisted, her voice trembling slightly as she reached out a shaking hand to rest on his arm. “I’m sorry…”

 

Barney tried to focus on what he was saying, but it was difficult when all he could focus on was the touch of her hand on his skin. He imagined that it burned like fire – like something sacred touching something irrevocably, irreparably impure. He imagined that he was contaminating her, the sickness and filth of what had been done to him seeping from his pores and leaking into hers, staining her with a darkness that should never have been allowed to touch her.

 

It was all he could do not to pull away from what was meant to be a comforting touch.

 

“… just… sorta freaked out…” Robin was still talking, and Barney struggled to concentrate on her words, just in case they required some kind of coherent response. “… but Ted talked some sense into me, and… and I’m not going anywhere now, okay? I’m gonna be here for you, from now on. Anything you need. Okay?”

 

Barney finally ventured to meet her eyes, taking in the shining tears that refused to fall, the determined set of her jaw, the way she was struggling to be strong and supportive – for _him_. He knew he didn’t deserve it, but it still touched him on a deeper level than any of her awkwardly comforting words. Robin didn’t have a clue what to say or what to do to help him – didn’t have a clue that there was nothing she _could_ have said or done – but she was bravely jumping into this battle, just like she did with everything else she ever faced.

 

A fragment of memory touched him, from the hazy, incoherent minutes between when Ryan had stabbed him and when he’d passed out in the pit that had been intended to be his grave. Despite his darker thoughts and feelings, the ghost of a sad smile passed over his lips as he held Robin’s gaze with gratitude and not a little awe.

 

“You’ve already done more than enough,” he reminded her softly. “You _saved_ me, remember?”

 

Robin smiled back, surprised emotion in her eyes, and a single tear slipped down her cheek in the moment in which she was off guard. She gently squeezed his arm, and Barney closed his eyes for a moment, swallowing hard, trying not to think about how she was burning him, how he was contaminating her, how there was an invisible and immeasurable gulf separating them now, which he could never again hope to bridge.

 

“I… I guess I did, didn’t I,” Robin admitted with a self-conscious little shrug.

 

“You did,” Barney confirmed with a single slow nod, his eyes focused on the place where her hand still touched him.

 

 _You did… you saved me, Robin. Just… not soon enough._


	16. Chapter 16

“I’m sorry, sir, but he’s just not feeling up to it right now. Can’t this wait?”

 

Ted glanced anxiously over his shoulder toward the closed door to Barney’s room before meeting the eyes of the police officer, standing in front of him and looking decidedly more irritated and impatient than he had looked a few hours earlier when he’d come by asking to speak with Barney, when Ted had first turned him away.

 

“I understand that your friend has been through a lot, but that makes it all the more important that we talk to him right away,” the officer explained with strained patience in his voice. “If we’re going to catch the guy that did this to him, it’s very important that we speak with him while the memory is still fresh in his mind.”

 

“Don’t worry,” Ted snapped, unable to keep a trace of the protective frustration he felt from his voice. “I’m sure he won’t be _forgetting_ about it anytime soon!”

 

“Look, Mr. Mosby,” the officer snapped back, and Ted immediately regretted his momentary lack of control. “We’re just trying to make sure your friend is safe, and the guy that hurt him doesn’t have a chance to hurt anyone else. It’s never easy for the victims in these kinds of cases, but there’s no choice about this. We _have_ to talk to him.”

 

Ted’s arguments were silenced by his knowledge that the police were right. They needed to get as much information as possible from Barney while they still could. No matter how difficult it would be for Barney to tell his story to strangers, it was the only way to ensure his safety.

 

The problem was – Barney had no idea that there was still any danger.

 

“Okay,” Ted relented with a shaky sigh, running an anxious hand through his hair. “Okay, just… give me an hour. Please. Just… a little while to talk to him and make sure he’s ready for this. Okay?”

 

The cop seemed reluctant to consent to that plan after already waiting so long, but finally agreed to give Ted one more hour before talking to Barney. Ted watched him leave, a dull ache building in his chest as he tried to think of what he could possibly say to keep Barney from panicking when he heard the truth – and to somehow make him understand why they’d lied to him in the first place.

 

*******************************

 

With every passing hour, Barney felt a little more alert, a little more aware and in control, in some ways – and yet utterly, hopelessly out of control in others.

 

On the one hand, it helped to have his friends here, to know that he was surrounded by people who loved him and wanted to protect him and keep him safe. On the other hand, though, it was difficult to deal with their constant attention and doting concern while trying to somehow come to terms with what had happened to him. It was distracting to try to focus on reassuring them and making them feel better, when his mind was spinning with so many different thoughts and fears and memories and questions that he couldn’t make sense of them all.

 

Barney was trapped between the present and past, struggling just to keep his head above water, afraid half the time that he was losing his mind completely.

 

A part of him wanted desperately to just pour it all out to someone, to ease the oppressive weight of his confusion and fear by sharing it with someone else; but the greater part of him knew that there was no way he could ever make them understand. When he tried to think about putting into words what he was thinking and feeling, it just made him more sure that trying to talk to his friends about it would only result in their thinking that he was crazy.

 

 _It won’t make sense to them… they won’t get it, won’t understand… I’m afraid they’ll just think I’m losing it... and maybe I am…_

Barney was afraid of the thoughts and feelings consuming him. He was afraid of what his friends might think, that they might see through his thin façade to the pathetic, hopeless creature to which he’d been reduced. He was afraid that he might not be able to function once he left the hospital and returned to his own life.

 

But most of all, he was just so damn _tired_ of being afraid.

 

His friends were trying their best to help him. Once Robin finally showed up, she hardly left his side for a moment, and neither did Lily. Ted and Marshall were absent a little more often, but only because they were handling the business aspect of the situation for him, taking care of insurance paperwork, talking to the doctors, and deflecting the police who still had yet to interview him about his experience.

 

The last thing Barney wanted to do right then was to talk about what had happened; and with both his attackers in police custody, he saw no reason why he should have to just yet. They’d been caught already. Surely it didn’t matter that much if he gave his statement now, or in a couple of days.

 

The problem was… he was fairly certain he wouldn’t feel any more up to telling his story in a couple of days.

 

He just wanted to forget the whole thing had ever happened at all.

 

He jumped slightly, startled out of his thoughts as the door to his room opened unexpectedly. He relaxed a little, inwardly cursing himself in disgust at his own reaction, when he saw that it was just Ted and Marshall, returning together from whatever errands they’d been doing.

 

“Hey.” Barney forced a smile to his lips, but it swiftly faltered at the sight of the troubled expressions on their faces. He looked between them, swallowing hard. “What? What’s wrong?”

 

The sobered look his friends exchanged did not help assuage Barney’s growing apprehension. Ted was the first to speak, his eyes strangely averted as he slowly sat down on the sofa across from Barney’s bed.

 

“The police won’t wait anymore. They need to talk to you.”

 

Barney felt a queasy sensation building in the pit of his stomach at the very thought, but he swallowed it down, struggling to keep his voice calm as he replied. “Why can’t they wait ‘til I’m released? I’m trying to recover, here. I can always come by the station on our way out of town. There’s no real hurry at this point, is there? They’ve already caught the people who did it, so…”

 

“Yeah. Um… about that…” Marshall looked uncomfortable, his eyes glued to the floor at his feet, and he couldn’t seem to make himself go on.

 

Ted cleared his throat, drawing Barney’s attention back to him and finally looking up to meet Barney’s eyes. “There’s… something we need to tell you.”

 

Something cold and frightening began to coil around Barney’s heart, slowly tightening in his chest as he waited for Ted to explain. He wanted to press him to hurry up and just spit it out, but couldn’t seem to make his mouth work well enough to form the words. He just sat there in silence, waiting with an instinctive sense of dread.

 

“The girl… Allison… they caught her, and she’s… she’s injured. She’s… in a room in the hospital, handcuffed to her bed and all, very tight police security,” Ted hurried to clarify in response to the wide-eyed alarm on Barney’s face. “You’re totally safe. There’s no way she can _move,_ let alone get anywhere near you, okay? You’re safe. She’s under arrest, and just here until she can recover enough to be taken to jail. Okay?”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth dry as sandpaper, but finally managed to force out a hoarse, whispered, “O-okay…”

 

Vivid images filled his mind as Barney remembered the touch of Allison’s deceptively soft hands on his bare skin, the glint of steel in her hand before she’d sliced into his flesh with the knife… the cruel threats whispered in false tones of affection…

 

 _“You think I’m through with you yet, Barney? You really think you could get away that easy? Why don’t I just show you what happens when you try to pull one over on_ me _?”_

 

A shiver passed through him, and beside him, Robin frowned and reached out to gently rest her hand over his, wanting to offer her support, but careful not to aggravate his injured fingers. Barney was only vaguely aware of the affectionate touch, and how much it would have meant to him under different circumstances. He was too focused on what Ted was telling him, trying to come to terms with the horrifying fact that the woman who had orchestrated his own kidnapping, torture, and rape was lying in a bed just a few short yards away from him.

 

He didn’t care if she was on the farthest floor and in the farthest wing from his room; it was still far too close for his liking.

 

“There’s more,” Ted reluctantly admitted, glancing down again before forcing himself to meet Barney’s eyes once more. “The other one… Ryan… he… well…”

 

“God, Ted, please just tell me,” Barney pleaded in a trembling whisper, closing his eyes. “You’re killing me here. Please.”

 

“They haven’t caught him yet,” Ted confessed, blurting out the words as if he was afraid that if he didn’t say them quickly, _now_ , he might not say them at all. “There’s a manhunt for him right now, but they haven’t found him yet, and that’s why they need to talk to you right away because they need your testimony to help them find him and we really should have told you, I know, but Marshall was just so… Barney? _Barney_!”

 

Ted was still speaking, but Barney was no longer hearing him.

 

He couldn’t force his mind to process what Ted had told him, panic overriding all rational thought. His heart was racing; he couldn’t breathe; his entire world felt like it was spinning around him, as dark, vicious thoughts filled his mind with a swell of terror and despair.

 

 _You should have known it, idiot. It’s not over; it’ll never be over. He’s still out there, and he’s going to find a way to get_ her _out, and they’re going to come after you, going to finish you off and make sure you can never tell anybody about what they did to you. It’s all gonna happen all over again, and you’re going to die. They’re going to kill you. You’re_ dead _, Stinson… dead..._

 _“Barney! Barney, you’re okay… it’s okay…”_

 _“Barney, look at me… Barney, stop…”_

 _“Breathe, Barney… breathe!”_

Barney was vaguely aware of his friends talking all at once, trying to break through the raging din of his thoughts, and then someone touched him, and suddenly it was all just too much. He pulled away from the hands that reached out to him, in the process managing to knock his broken fingers against something, and he let out an almost animalistic cry of agony.

 

The pain only amplified his panic, and he struggled to escape even as his friends fought to get through to him, to calm him before he hurt himself even worse. Their voices sounded like a chaotic roar in his ears; he imagined that their gentle hands were grasping and violent.

 

Unable to escape, he huddled back against the bed, wrapping his arms around himself as he shook with despairing, soundless sobs so deep that they made his chest ache. He was vaguely aware of the sound of the monitor beside his bed setting off an alarm, and then of several members of the medical staff hurrying into the room.

 

It only added to his desire to escape, to hide… to disappear.

 

He didn’t see when one of them injected something into his IV, wasn’t aware of what it was that, within moments, caused the panic and confusion to fade away into muted tones and soft grey oblivion. He felt no relief as the voices within and around him gradually gave way to silence and stillness. All he felt was panic at the loss of control… just one more piece of his own power that was being snatched away from him against his will.

 

He was falling, and there was nothing left to hold onto.


	17. Chapter 17

Barney opened his eyes and looked around his dimly lit hospital room, taking in his strangely empty surroundings. An uneasy feeling came over him as he wondered where his friends had gone, and why they’d all gone at the same time, leaving him alone with nothing for company but his own thoughts.

 

The door opened, and his stomach dropped – before he registered that it was only Robin.

 

He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, giving her a warm, relieved smile, which she returned as she approached his bedside.

 

“Hey.” Her voice was soft and sympathetic as she stopped beside him, reaching out to gently take his hand. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Better now,” he admitted, flushing with embarrassment at the trembling break in his voice, a clear indication of the fear he’d felt at finding himself alone. “Where’s everybody else?”

 

“Oh, I’m sure they’re around here somewhere.” Robin waved a hand in a dismissive gesture. “They probably just needed a little break. I know _I_ did.”

 

Barney flinched slightly, caught off guard by her uncharacteristically harsh words. His eyes widened and he shook his head slightly. “W _-what_?”

 

“Well, you know… we all love you and we’re concerned and all, but after a little while, the constant whining and… just general pathetic-ness, get to be a little much. Surely you can understand that.”

 

Barney stared at her, wounded by the careless cruelty in her voice and suddenly self-conscious, humiliated at the idea that Robin didn’t really want to be here, but was only here out of some sense of obligation or pity. His mouth was dry, and his words felt seemed to stumble clumsily from his lips.

 

“Robin, I… I’m sorry. I mean… y-you don’t have to be here, if… if you don’t want to…”

 

“Don’t be silly, Barney,” she cut him off breezily, leaning in closer to him, her hand trailing up his arm toward his shoulder. “Of course I want to be here. How could I leave you all by yourself? After all…”

 

Robin’s behavior was swiftly going from just weird to downright creepy, and Barney felt his breath quickening with alarm as she thoughtlessly moved yet closer to him, her hands moving to rest on his chest and push him back against the bed as he tried to sit up. She leaned in close to whisper into his ear, a malicious smile on her lips.

 

“… you belong to me now…”

 

Confused and disturbed by her cryptic words, as well as by the subtle shift in her voice, Barney raised trembling hands to push her back slightly, wanting to make eye contact, to search her face for some explanation for her bizarre, frightening, and utterly offensive behavior. When her face came back into his view, he froze, panic seizing him at the impossible sight that met his eyes.

 

It was no longer Robin who was touching him. It was Allison, smiling coldly down at him with vicious amusement in her dark eyes.

 

“H-how…? Robin…” Barney was too terrified to _move_ , let alone form a coherent sentence. “Wh-what did you…?”

 

“Please,” Allison sneered, rolling her eyes. “You really think I’d let _her_ stand between us, Barney? She can’t save you again. I’ve made sure of that. There’s no one to protect you.” Her voice lowered to a hushed, taunting tone as she leaned in close and looked him directly in the eye to declare, “I’ll _never_ let you go, Barney. _Never_.”

 

Panicked, he tried to pull away from her, tried to rise from the bed, but her hands locked around his wrists, crossing them over his chest and pinning him down, her grip impossibly strong. Barney tried to cry out for help, but he couldn’t make a sound as she leaned in to brush her lips against his. He turned his head away in revulsion, but she followed the movement, catching his lip with her teeth and forcing his mouth to open under her aggressive advances.

 

The taste of her and his own blood mingled in his mouth, and the kiss tasted of death. He felt the breath stolen from his lungs, couldn’t draw in any air at all, and his panic intensified with the helpless sensation of being utterly at her mercy, unable to so much as scream. He began to feel lightheaded, dizzy, and he knew that he was about to pass out… about to _die_ … from the lack of oxygen.

 

Desperate words spilled from his lips, but they made no sound outside his own mind.

 

 _Please… please, no… please…._

 

********************************

 

Barney sat up so quickly that he jarred his barely healing injuries, sending a jolt of pain through his battered body that was so powerful that he couldn’t draw breath to cry out. He opened his eyes, gasping as through the pain, he gradually realized where he was, and that he’d just awakened from a nightmare so vivid that he’d mistaken it for reality.

 

He crossed his arms over his chest, trembling violently as he mentally reassured himself again and again that it was nothing more than a dream, his traumatized imagination tormenting him with recent memories. He glanced around the room, a trickling chill of fear moving down his spine as he noted that it appeared to be empty – just as it had been in his dream.

 

He felt his face break out in a cold sweat and he swallowed hard, a wave of nausea rising up in his throat as he looked a little closer, finally noticing Lily lying on the sofa across the room, the top of her head just barely visible beneath the blanket that covered her.

 

As if somehow alerted by the surrogate maternal instinct she’d developed through teaching kindergarten that Barney was awake and in need, Lily began to stir as Barney watched her, letting out a sleepy groan as she rolled over to face him, blinking sleepily up at the ceiling for a moment before turning bleary eyes toward him.

 

She met his eyes with a warm smile. “Hey.”

 

His lips parted to speak, but he couldn’t seem to find words. He closed his mouth, and then opened it again, silenced by the lingering terror of his nightmares. He finally gave up, biting his lower lip and looking away, shaking his head in disgust at his own weakness.

 

Lily frowned, sitting up on the sofa and tossing the blanket aside as she rose to her feet. “Hey,” she repeated, this time concerned as well as affectionate. “Barney, what is it?”

 

“It’s… it’s nothing, really…” Barney attempted a weak smile, shrugging and rolling his eyes. “I just… was dreaming. I… had a nightmare…”

 

Lily pulled the chair near his bed so close that it was touching the mattress, reaching out a supportive, sympathetic hand to rest on Barney’s arm. “What was it about?” she asked, then thought better of the question and hurriedly backtracked, “Not that you have to talk about it… unless you _want_ to talk about it, because you can… if you… want to…” Her voice trailed off awkwardly with an apologetic grimace.

 

“I dreamed… Robin came in here, only… it wasn’t Robin.” Barney found himself unexpectedly blurting out the details of his dream, unsure why he was doing so, but simply unable to keep the halting words from pouring out. “It was… A-Allison. She… she was… here, and…”

 

Suddenly his eyes widened with alarm, as he remembered a reality almost as frightening as the dream from which he’d just awakened. He looked up at Lily with panic, his voice breathless as he repeated, “She’s here… God, she’s _here,_ Lily, what if she… what if…”

 

“Barney, it’s okay… calm down, sweetie, it’s all right…” Lily hurried to calm him, raising a hand to run it soothingly through his hair. “She can’t get to you. You’re safe, I promise you’re safe. She’s in restraints, and there’s a police guard outside her door. There is _no way_ that she can get to you, I promise. You’re safe, Barney. You’re safe.”

 

Gradually her words seemed to register with Barney, and he struggled to keep control of his emotions, fighting off another looming panic attack as he tried to make himself believe that they were true. Despite Lily’s continued reassurance, he was still sick with fear at the knowledge that, no matter how well guarded and restrained she might be, Allison was so unsettlingly close to him.

 

“I’m so sorry, Barney,” Lily was still babbling on, sounding nervous and uncertain as to what she should do. “We should have told you from the start, but… but you were so… and we didn’t know how to… Marshall and Ted were just trying to protect you.”

 

Barney nodded once, accepting her explanation, before stating flatly, “They’re idiots.”

 

Lily readily agreed, “Yes, they are.”

 

“They should have told me.”

 

“Yes, they should have.” Lily hesitated before amending her words. “ _We_ should have.”

 

“I hate them.” There was a hard, resentful note to Barney’s voice despite its trembling.

 

Lily didn’t hesitate before gently correcting him. “No, you don’t.”

 

Barney let out a shaky sigh, his shoulders slumping as he conceded, “No, I don’t.” He laid his head back against his pillow, shaking his head slowly in helpless despair. “What am I going to do?” he whispered, as much to himself as to Lily.

 

Lily considered the question for a moment before responding in a calm, reassuring voice that Barney was fairly certain she used quite often with her young students, detailing a very reasonable game plan.

 

“You’re going to get plenty of rest here for a couple more days, and then, you’re going to go home, with us, and get better. They’re going to catch that guy, and once you’re feeling a little stronger, you’re going to go to court and make sure those two monsters get put away for the rest of their freaking _lives_. And in the mean time, you’re going to hire private security to make sure you’re safe at all times.” She paused, her voice softening with compassion as she concluded, “You’re going to _live_. You’re going to _go on_ – and we’re going to be with you every step of the way. Okay?”

 

He nodded almost automatically, his thoughts already distracted again. It all sounded good and logical and reassuring – but he couldn’t get past the almost paralyzing fear that filled him, every time his thoughts returned to the other room down the hall where one of his torturers lay. A shiver passed through him, and he closed his eyes, shaking his head slightly as if to clear it of the nightmare images that filled it.

 

“Hey, shhh,” Lily soothed him, rising from the chair and leaning on the edge of the half-elevated bed, wrapping her arms around Barney’s shoulders and pulling him close to her. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay, calm down…”

 

“No, I-I’m okay,” Barney stammered, weakly pushing at her, embarrassed by his own weakness, as much as by the idea that he was being treated like one of her kindergarteners. “Really, Lily, I’m fine…”

 

“Shut up, silly,” she cut him off in a mild tone. “Scoot.”

 

She nudged him gently with her hip, shifting him over a little so that she could sit on the bed beside him. Barney wanted to protest, but found that he didn’t have the mental or emotional strength to do so anymore – not when faced with the admittedly tempting comfort that Lily was offering.

 

She was half his size, and certainly no protection against any physical threat that might present itself; yet somehow the feeling of her arms around him, the sound of her soft, reassuring words in his ear, made Barney feel a little calmer, safer – a little less like he was losing his mind.

 

Reluctantly he settled into her arms, resting his head on her shoulder as she raised one hand to slowly thread through his hair as she just held him and murmured words of meaningless comfort.

 

“Where are the others?” Barney asked after a few moments, his voice hushed and sleepy. The combination of the drugs and his dreams left him feeling more exhausted upon waking then he’d felt when he’d lain down. “This could be a little embarrassing…”

 

“We rented a room in the hotel across the street,” Lily explained. “It’s three in the morning. They’re getting some sleep. I’m supposed to call when you wake up – but I think we can let them sleep a little longer. I don’t think you’ll be _really_ getting up for a few more hours.”

 

Barney relaxed a little more, relieved that there was no chance of his friends walking in and seeing him in this vulnerable, unguarded moment.

 

 _Like it matters. In the last couple of days they’ve seen you naked and bleeding and crying like a little wuss… don’t think a little more humiliation’s gonna make a difference…_

 

He shut his eyes against his own harsh, accusing mental voice, swallowing hard and nestling closer to Lily. “You can never tell anybody about this,” he informed her.

 

“Of course not.” Lily seemed a little offended at the idea.

 

Barney considered for a moment before grimacing as he remembered how these situations usually turned out where Lily was concerned. Of all his friends, the one he’d chosen to let his guard down to had to be the one who was the worst secret-keeper of all time.

 

“I’m totally screwed, aren’t I?”

 

Lily’s tone was solemn despite the mild, sarcastic humor in his words. “No, you’re not,” she assured him. “I swear to you… this is one secret I will keep.”

 

And somehow, despite her rather dubious track record… Barney couldn’t help but believe her.


	18. Chapter 18

Less than two weeks after he’d been admitted to the hospital, Barney was more than ready to go home.

 

Though he was still in a lot of pain, his condition had stabilized enough that his doctors reluctantly admitted that would probably be okay. The more superficial injuries – the burns and cuts on his feet, arms, and stomach – were healing well; and the internal damage done when he’d been stabbed would heal in time, as long as he stayed in a wheelchair for a while, to avoid re-injuring himself.

 

The doctors made it clear that they would rather have had him stay another week or two under their care, but reluctantly confirmed that, as long as he made frequent visits to his own physician, he should be all right to go home. They advised the care of a home nurse, if only to prevent his re-injuring his fractured hands by trying to do things for himself.

 

“That won’t be necessary,” Lily remarked with a smile after the doctors left the room. “Because you’re going home with Marshall and me.”

 

“No, I’m not,” Barney argued, with a scornful laugh. “I don’t need a babysitter!”

 

“Barney,” Lily patiently argued, leaning down so that her face was level with Barney’s, “you need a babysitter when you’re feeling perfectly fine.”

 

“You can’t _move_ your freakin’ _hands,_ dude,” Marshall pointed out, as he shoved some clothes into the duffel bag they’d bought at the local convenience store. “It’s no good arguing with her. You should know that by now.”

 

“Besides,” Lily reminded him with a smug smile and falsely sympathetic shrug, “you can’t drive for at least six weeks, so I don’t see how you plan on getting home in the first place.”

 

Barney decided that was a battle of wills better left for when they were closer to home, and for when he was – hopefully – feeling a little stronger.

 

He didn’t object to the hospital-provided wheelchair which, unlike most patients leaving the hospital, he would be taking home with him. He was quiet and composed as a nurse wheeled him down the hospital halls toward the front exit, where the handicapped-accessible van his friends had rented was waiting, Ted at the wheel.

 

Marshall helped the attending nurse load Barney into the middle seat of the van. Barney felt his face flush with embarrassment as he was lifted into the arms of his large friend, swallowing back the hard knot in his throat, aware that the only thing that could increase his humiliation in this moment would be if he were to start crying, on top of the fact that he was being carried like a child.

 

He didn’t even want to think about the troubling implications of the _other_ emotions he was fighting off in response to Marshall’s strong hands on him.

 

 _He could hurt you. He could break you with his bare hands. He’s so much bigger than you, so much stronger. You’re helpless, Stinson. Helpless… pathetic… totally at his mercy…_

 _… but it’s_ Marshall… _and Marshall would never hurt you…_

 

“Ready to get home?” Robin asked as she slid into the seat beside him, draping a casual arm around his shoulder and giving him a smile that was a little too bright.

 

He nodded, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to relax as Lily climbed in behind them, and Marshall got into the passenger seat beside Ted. They had a long drive ahead of them – plenty of time for him to gather his thoughts, try to come to terms with his situation, and try to figure out how he was going to cope when he got home.

 

After a few minutes of riding in awkward silence, however, his darkest memories began crowding in around the edges of his thoughts, and Barney began to wonder if perhaps it would be a little _too much_ time.

 

No one seemed inclined to say much, lulled to silence by the constant smooth motion of the vehicle, each of them drawn into their own troubled thoughts. Barney caught Ted glancing at him in the mirror every now and then, a troubled, almost guilty expression in his dark eyes. Barney avoided looking in the mirror after that, staring out the window instead at the passing scenery.

 

Ted had tried to talk to him about the details of what had happened – once. Barney had swiftly informed him that he didn’t want to talk about it, and Ted had immediately, almost gratefully accepted that. None of the others had asked him to talk about his ordeal, though Barney did not get the impression that they were unwilling to hear about it, but rather that they were respectfully standing back, waiting and ready if he should decide that he was willing to open up.

 

Barney knew perfectly well that such a time would never come.

 

He managed to doze off a little somewhere along the way, but only slept for about twenty minutes before his nightmares awakened him. He drew in a sharp breath, startled, flinching in his seat – and was punished by a sharp pain in his stomach where he’d stretched the stitches that held his wound closed. He bit his lip to hold back a groan of pain, lowering his head and glancing anxiously around to see if anyone had noticed his reaction.

 

Robin was asleep beside him, her head lolling so that her brow rested against the side of his shoulder. Ted’s eyes in the rearview mirror were pensive, distracted, but ultimately focused on the road; while beside him, Marshall stared out the window, a brooding frown on his face betraying the nature of his thoughts.

 

Barney felt a small, soft hand on his shoulder, and turned slightly to see Lily giving him a reassuring smile. “We’re almost there. We’ll be home in fifteen minutes,” she informed him.

 

Barney shakily returned her smile, nodding before turning to face forward again. She didn’t move her hand.

 

He didn’t mind at all.

 

When they finally pulled up in front of Marshall and Lily’s apartment, Barney remembered the argument he’d decided to put off until later, and sighed wearily.

 

“This is totally unnecessary, guys,” he insisted as Marshall unfolded his wheelchair, then climbed into the back to help lift him out. “I can stay at home. I _want_ to stay at home.”

 

“Yeah. And how are you going to eat? Get dressed and undressed? Use the phone if there’s an emergency?” Lily objected, a single brow raised in unyielding question, her arms folded stubbornly over her chest.

 

“I can hire a nurse. I have plenty of money…”

 

“You’d rather have a stranger help you than your own best friends?” Robin put in, resting a hand on Barney’s shoulder to draw his attention as he settled into the wheelchair.

 

Barney gave her a dubious look before retorting, “Actually, _yeah_.”

 

 _The last thing I want is for you guys to see me this pathetic…_

 _Too late, man. Too late._

 

“Barney, I don’t think they’re going to take no for an answer,” Ted pointed out with a mildly sympathetic smile as they made their way around to the side entrance to the apartment building, where there was a handicapped accessible elevator. “I think you’re probably stuck with them for the next few weeks.”

 

“Hey!” Marshall objected good-naturedly. “It was good enough for _you_ for a bajillion years!”

 

“And Ted didn’t even get the full service treatment that you’re going to get,” Lily pointed out with a self-satisfied grin. “They’re calling in a substitute to take my class for the next month. I’ve got some sick days stored up, and I’m going to take them.”

 

Barney looked up at her in stunned dismay as she unlocked the door and led the way inside. “Lily, no, you don’t have to do that!”

 

As they entered the familiar comfort of Marshall and Lily’s apartment, however, Barney felt his embarrassment and irritation giving way to a feeling of comfort and reassurance. He was still bothered by the idea that they thought he couldn’t take care of himself – _You can’t_ – and that he needed someone to look after him – _You do_ – but he was secretly relieved and grateful that they were willing to go to such lengths for him.

 

Barney wasn’t really sure how he would have handled staying in his own apartment with only a stranger for company. Marshall and Lily had an extra room, so he could have a measure of privacy, without really being alone.

 

He hated the fact that he was afraid to be alone.

 

 _But Allison went to the trouble to track you down; she must know where you live. And if_ she _knows, then_ Ryan _probably knows… and they haven’t caught him yet… and God, what if he knows where my_ friends _live? What if…?_

 

“Barney? _Barney_ …”

 

Robin’s uncertain voice broke into his thoughts, and Barney shook his head, looking up at her in confusion.

 

“I-I’m sorry, _what_?”

 

“I asked you what you might need from your apartment. Ted and I are gonna run by there and bring you back some stuff. You wanna make a list?”

 

Barney swallowed hard, his mouth dry with fear at the thought of his friends being ambushed in his apartment. He shook his head, his breath quickening slightly.

 

“No, no, it’s okay. I don’t need anything…”

 

“ _Please_ , Barney. Come on,” Robin teased gently. “For once you have every right in the world to be _completely_ self-absorbed and take advantage of us like your personal slaves…”

 

Behind her, Ted disguised a laugh with a cough, and Barney glared at him menacingly from his wheelchair; but Ted just gave him a challenging look, silently daring him to call any attention to him, and therefore make Robin wonder just what about her innocent comment they both found so funny.

 

“… the least you can do is enjoy it.”

 

“Yeah, Barney,” Ted added helpfully, smirking behind Robin’s back. “Enjoy it.”

 

Barney quietly fumed, snatching the small notepad and pencil that Ted held out to him a moment later, much more forcefully than necessary – and not realizing until halfway through his list that he had momentarily forgotten his concerns about the safety of his apartment.

 

“Guys, be careful,” he anxiously warned as he handed his completed list to Robin. “It might not be safe. Maybe you should wait until later…”

 

“Like after dark?” Robin raised a brow skeptically. “When it will somehow be safer?”

 

“They know where I live, guys, I’m sure of it. You can’t just walk in there unsuspecting and unarmed…”

 

“So we won’t.”

 

Robin shrugged, a secretive smile on her lips as she reached into her purse and pulled out just the handle of some kind of firearm. Lily bit back a protesting whimper of frustrated disapproval, turning away and pressing her fist to her mouth to prevent the rant she so clearly wanted to let forth. Robin was utterly unrepentant as she tucked the weapon back into her purse and headed for the door.

 

“Don’t worry, dude,” Marshall remarked, placing a hand on Barney’s shoulder as the door closed behind them. “In any kind of conflict, I swear, my money’s on...”

 

His words trailed off as Barney flinched at his touch, drawing in his breath as his every muscle tightened in instinctive response to the momentary perceived threat. Marshall stared down at him in dismay, removing his hand and taking a backward step.

 

“I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean to…”

 

“No, no, _I’m_ sorry,” Barney insisted, shaking his head, turning his head away in shame. “It’s stupid. I should have realized it’s just… I mean… I’m an idiot…”

 

“No, Barney, _I’m_ an idiot,” Marshall argued, covering his face with his hand, looking supremely uncomfortable – which was exactly how Barney felt. “You’re all… and you’ve just been… and I…”

 

“Okay.” Lily stepped in, taking charge of the situation and doing her best to minimize the damage. “Babbling idiot, in the kitchen. Make us something to eat, I’m sure we’re all starved.” As Marshall complied, she turned to face Barney and continued, “Other idiot, come with me. We need to get your room ready for the next few weeks.”

 

Barney sighed, resting his head in his hands as she pushed his wheelchair into the spare bedroom. “I’m sorry,” he groaned softly. “I’m sorry, Lily. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s just _Marshall_. I have no reason to think that he’d…”

 

“This has nothing to do with what you think, Barney.” Lily cut him off gently, moving around to sit on the foot of the bed facing him, taking his hands and firmly pulling them away from his face, holding them in her own as she went on. “It has _everything_ to do with what you _feel_. And right now, you have _every_ reason to _feel_ threatened – by the strangest things, at the strangest times. There’s no explaining exactly how someone’s mind works in a situation like this.”

 

Barney just shook his head, his mouth trembling as he fought back frustrated tears of embarrassed anger. Lily raised a hand to stroke gently through his hair, leaving her other hand resting over both of his.

 

“Marshall understands,” she assured him. “We both do. You’ll come to a point where you feel safe again, Barney. And until you do – you don’t have to worry about things like this. We get it. We do.”

 

Barney nodded in silent acceptance of her words, though his thoughts despairingly contradicted them.

 

 _No, you don’t. You never will._

 _And I’m not sure I’ll ever feel safe again._


	19. Chapter 19

“So. Wanna tell me why you and Barney were acting like a couple of twelve-year-olds back there?”

 

Ted’s back was turned to Robin when she asked the question, so she didn’t see his eyes widen in trapped alarm. He busied himself digging through Barney’s dresser in search of the specific items he had requested, while trying to think of a way to put her off without making her too suspicious.

 

“Oh, it was no big deal. You know how we guys are. We can make anything about sex.”

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

When Ted turned around, Robin was standing still, one hand on her hip, a brow raised as she regarded him skeptically. Ted’s face flushed with guilty embarrassment, and he quickly turned away again, sputtering defensively.

 

“ _What_?”

 

“ _That_ ,” Robin retorted immediately, waving a hand in Ted’s general direction. “That… trapped, guilty look that Barney had on his face back at Marshall and Lily’s, and you have on your face now, that tells me it’s a lot more than the two of you being your usual perverted selves! Ted, _what_? What aren’t you telling me?”

 

Ted looked away, shaking his head as he headed out of Barney’s bedroom and back out into the apartment. Robin followed him, not willing to be dissuaded. She stopped just past the doorway, arms crossed over her chest, jaw set in stubborn determination.

 

“I’m going to figure it out, you know,” she declared.

 

Ted paused at Barney’s kitchen counter, bracing one hand against it as he considered for a long moment. Finally, his shoulders sagged in resignation as he answered quietly.

 

“No. You won’t.”

 

Robin raised her eyebrows, perceiving his words as a challenge, and opened her mouth to object; but before she could, he was already speaking again.

 

“And… you should know.”

 

Robin blinked, startled by that unexpected turn in the conversation. “Huh?”

 

Ted hesitated, studying her with an anxious, indecisive expression in his eyes. “Okay,” he said at last. “I’m only telling you this because you have the emotional sensitivity of your typical frat boy, and I don’t want Barney to end up getting hurt any worse than he already is…”

 

“Hey!”

 

Of course Robin objected, indignant; but her protest fell silent when Ted held up a halting hand, his dark eyes locked onto hers with a solemn intensity that told her whatever he was going to say was far more important than she would have guessed.

 

“Wait,” she softly went on, frowning in concern. “What about… Barney getting hurt? What are you talking about?”

 

“Robin…” Ted drew in a deep breath, then rushed the words out before he could change his mind. “… Barney’s in love with you.”

 

“ _What_?”

 

“It’s true; he has been for months now.”

 

“Okay… hold up.” Robin held up both hands in front of her, shaking her head in denial. “There is _no way_ … that _Barney Stinson_ … is in _love_ with anyone, least of all me! Where in the world did you get an idea like…”

 

“He told Lily. Lily told Marshall. Marshall told me. I kinda knew before Marshall told me, but…”

 

“No. No, this… isn’t possible. Lily must have misunderstood…”

 

But Robin’s voice trailed off mid-objection, her brow furrowing in a frown as she remembered all the instances of unusual behavior she’d noticed from Barney over the last few months. He seemed to pay her more attention than usual, laughing a little harder at her jokes, watching her a little more closely when they were all together at the bar. She remembered how strangely he’d acted during the brief period when she and Ted decided to be “friends with benefits” and her eyes went wide with sudden clarity.

 

 _Oh, God. Barney’s in_ love _with me._

 

“… just that he’s really, really vulnerable right now,” Ted was talking again, and Robin struggled to focus, stunned by this rather overwhelming revelation. “He’s more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him, Robin, in _every way_. And… after what happened at the hospital, I’m just afraid that if you didn’t know how much you and… and your opinion of him… the way you see him… matters to him, well… you’d end up like the proverbial bull in the china closet of normal human emotion, accidentally crushing what’s left of his dignity like a pathetic little bug beneath your feet.”

 

Robin raised a single brow in Ted’s direction, remarking dryly, “That’s a little over-dramatic, don’t you think?”

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, holding her gaze with calm concern. “No,” he answered softly. “Not really.”

 

Robin bit her lower lip, her stomach and her thoughts churning with the weight of this new and troubling information.

 

“These past few months, Robin… I’ve never seen Barney so… vulnerable. He really cars about you, and that means that he cares about what you think of him. Now, after… what’s happened… he’s ten times as vulnerable. If you hurt him now – make him feel… rejected, or looked down on, or… like less of a man – it will be so much more devastating to him than it would have been before. That’s why I thought… you should know.”

 

Robin did not respond, starting off into the distance through wide, stunned eyes.

 

Slowly she sat down on the edge of Barney’s sofa, trying to come to terms with what Ted had just told her, while Ted left her to her thoughts and quietly finished the task of gathering Barney’s things.

 

**************************

 

Barney was fine for a little while – until Lily left the room to check on Marshall and dinner.

 

 _No big deal. They’re right outside the door; and no one’s here. Perfectly safe._

 _Yeah. Perfectly safe. Nothing to be scared of…_

 

The soft knock at the door of the guest bedroom made Barney jump, biting back a startled yelp of alarm. A moment later, the door opened slightly and Marshall peeked inside.

 

“Can I come in? Food’s ready. Feel up to eating a little?”

 

Barney silently shook his head, looking away. After a moment he mumbled, “Not hungry.”

 

“Of course not, you must be exhausted,” Marshall guessed, moving cautiously toward him, his steps slowly as he drew nearer and remembered Barney’s earlier reaction. “Do you… want some help getting out of the chair and onto the bed? I could help you lie down…”

 

“No, I… I’m okay,” Barney stammered, visibly tensing as Marshall approached.

 

Marshall nodded, accepting that, considering for a moment before he spoke again, his voice soft and patiently reassuring. “You know I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

Barney’s face flushed with shame, and he nodded, his face turned away and his eyes locked onto the carpet at his feet. “I know,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m just stupid…”

 

“No, you’re not,” Marshall gently cut him off. “It’s okay. It’s perfectly understandable that you would feel that way.” He paused, his tone still steady and somehow calming as he added, “But I don’t plan to let you _keep_ feeling that way.”

 

Barney looked up at him, a questioning frown on his face, as Marshall sat down on the edge of the bed, bringing himself down to the same level as Barney – in the hopes of making himself appear a little less intimidating, no doubt. It didn’t really help, though. Barney still couldn’t keep his mind from dwelling on his own helplessness in the face of someone with such superior size and strength.

 

“When I was in high school, I dated this girl,” Marshall said, and Barney looked up at him, eyes narrowed slightly, wondering where he was going with this. “The entire time we were together, she was constantly afraid that I was going to cheat on her. If I was a little bit late coming to see her, or if I’d hang up my phone as I got close to her in the hall – she’d freak out and demand to know where I was or who I was talking to. I never gave her a reason not to trust me, but she just couldn’t make herself do it, you know?”

 

Barney let out a heavy sigh, feeling guilty as he thought he’d figured out Marshall’s point. “I know, I get it, Marshall, I…”

 

“No, wait. I’m not finished.” Marshall held up a hand for silence and continued. “Turns out, her last boyfriend – this guy Jonathan – cheated on her with her best friend and then dumped her. So she was sorta… traumatized, I guess you could say… scarred… by what he’d done to her. And because of that, she expected the same crappy treatment from anyone else she dated after that.”

 

Marshall was quiet for a moment, allowing his words to sink in before he went on. “I just kept telling her, over and over again… day after day… week after week… ‘I’m not Jonathan. I’m never going to hurt you like that.’ She probably got really sick and tired of hearing it; and at first, it didn’t really seem to help. But, over time… finally… we reached the point where she believed me.”

 

Barney was interested by this point, eyes wide and wondering as he took in the story. “And let me guess… that girl was Lily?”

 

“Nah.” Marshall shook his head. “Her name was Sharon. And eventually she cheated on me with Jonathan and left me to go back to him.” He shrugged matter-of-factly, giving Barney a rueful grin that slowly faded into a solemn, compassionate expression. “But the point is, Barney… I didn’t give up on her, and I didn’t push her. I just kept reminding her of the truth until she finally believed it. And… I’m thinking something like that might work here, too.”

 

Barney felt a tight knot beginning to form in his throat, his chest constricting with impending tears at the quiet promise in Marshall’s simple words of friendship and devotion. In that moment, he felt ashamed for feeling afraid of Marshall at all, despite the fact that it wasn’t really _Marshall_ he was afraid of at all.

 

Marshall slowly rose to his feet, maintaining eye contact as he placed a very light, cautious hand on Barney’s shoulder. The extreme effort he was going to not to alarm Barney did not go unnoticed, and Barney was suddenly desperate for Marshall to hurry up and leave the room before he broke down completely. Marshall didn’t seem bothered by Barney’s emotional state, holding his gaze intently as he stated with firm, quiet certainty.

 

“I am not Ryan. I am nothing like him. And I will _never_ hurt you. All right?”

 

Barney nodded silently, not trusting himself to speak.

 

“In fact,” Marshall added, a dark note creeping into his voice as he straightened and took his hand from Barney’s shoulder, “ _he’s_ the one that should be afraid of me. If I ever run into him, I swear he won’t know what hit him – and no matter what, he’ll _never_ touch you again.”

 

Barney hardly trusted himself to speak without breaking down, but he forced out a single, choked word, barely over a whisper but filled with sincere gratitude and emotion.

 

“ _Th-thanks_.”

 

“I’ll bring you something in here to eat, okay? If you… need a little time…”

 

Barney nodded his approval of that idea. He didn’t feel like going out into the living room to spend time with his friends and try to pretend that he was okay. He didn’t really feel like eating much, either, for that matter; but he knew Marshall wanted to do something to help him, and he didn’t want to keep that from him.

 

****************************

 

Marshall slipped out of the spare bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him – then just stood there for a moment, pressing his forefinger and thumb against his eyes as he struggled to control his own emotions, kept at bay during the past conversation only for Barney’s sake. With his eyes closed, he was caught off guard when a pair of slim, warm, very familiar arms slid around him. Instinctively he returned Lily’s embrace, looking down at her and forcing a smile through the tears in his eyes.

 

He was surprised and confused to see that there were tears in her eyes as well. She raised a hand to rest at the back of his neck, studying him with a wondering gaze, as if just seeing him for the first time – again.

 

“Marshall Erikson” she murmured in a hushed voice hoarse with tears – and Marshall suddenly realized that she’d overheard – and very much appreciated – the conversation he’d had with Barney. “I kinda love you, you know that?"


	20. Chapter 20

_“You_ stupid _little whore!”_

 _Barney struggled uselessly to free himself as he was dragged back into the cabin and thrown to his knees on the kitchen floor. With his hands bound behind his back, he couldn’t catch himself. His head hit the corner of the stove in a glancing blow that left him with the feeling of something hot and wet trickling down the side of his face. He flinched as Ryan’s foot flew toward him, connecting with his temple in a vicious blow that left him dizzy and disoriented._

 _Ryan crouched close beside him, grabbing his throat and slamming him back against the door of the stove. “Did you think you could get away from us, Barney? Really? Did you think we wouldn’t catch you?”_

 

 _Terror and an oppressive claustrophobia seized him, as his captors moved in close to him, hemming him in, their hands everywhere, possessive, restraining. He flinched back against the stove, shaking his head in panicked pleading, his words stuttering from his trembling lips with speed born of terrified desperation._

 _“No, please, please, I’m sorry, d-don’t… don’t, please…”_

 _“Don’t what, Barney?” Allison sneered in his ear as she reached behind him to unlock the cuffs and dragged one arm out from behind his back. “What do you think we’re gonna do to you?”_

 _Barney didn’t even want to imagine. He just shook his head, his eyes closed, whispering under his breath. “Please, don’t… please, don’t… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”_

 _Ryan laughed, low and dark and cruel in his throat, as his strong hands gripped Barney’s arms and raised him up onto his knees, turning him so that he was facing the stove. He tried to pull away in alarm as Allison lifted his arm up and laid it out over the stove; but Ryan’s fist drove into the middle of his back, causing him to let out a sharp cry of pain as his back arched away from the blow. Ryan wrapped one large hard around Barney’s throat and pulled him back against his chest, snarling low and menacing in his ear._

 _“You gonna fight her again, Barney, or you gonna be a good boy and cooperate?”_

 _Barney went perfectly still in the larger man’s grasp, trembling violently, his breath rapid and shallow as he nodded frantically and whispered, “Y-yes… yes, I’m sorry, I’ll… I’ll be good,_ please _…” As he felt Allison’s hand press down on his arm, forcing it into contact with the front burner of the stove – saw her free hand move to slide a finger along the knob to turn it on, toying with it, viciously teasing, threatening – Barney’s words slid from a whisper to a barely comprehensible sob, his shoulders shaking with panic, though he dared not move. “No, n-no, please, please don’t, don’t do this_ , please _…”_

 _“Why not, Barney?” Ryan murmured in his ear, running a hand through Barney’s hair, and then using that hand to hold his head back against Ryan’s chest. “You deserve it… don’t you?”_

 _Barney automatically shook his head, desperate to avoid the torment he knew they intended. The painful tightening of Ryan’s hand around his throat warned him that he had given the wrong answer, and his heart lurched as he struggled to correct his mistake._

 _“Y-yes… yes, I d-deserve it, but please… please don’t…”_

 _“You deserve it because you’re nothing, Barney. Nothing but a pathetic, worthless whore. Say it.” Allison’s voice was a taunting hiss in his ear as she leaned down to whisper her cruel command._

 _“I-I’m nothing,” Barney whispered without hesitation, well aware that while submission might not spare him this suffering, it was the only thing that would give him a chance. “I’m a… w-worthless whore.”_

 _“Nothing but our little toy to play with, right, Barney?” Ryan sneered, laughing with Allison at his humiliation. His tone hardened as he demanded,_ “Say it.”

 _Barney complied, but as he did so, his shoulders shook with sobs and his face burned with shame. “N-nothing but… your toy,” he whispered, tears streaking his face as he closed his eyes to shut them out._

 _“What’s the matter, Barney?” Allison taunted him. “This is what you do all the time, right? All we’re doing is taking what you usually give away for free.”_

 _There was a twisted, incomplete truth behind her lies, but Barney’s damaged mind and spirit latched onto it, turning the words over and over in his thoughts, reminding him that she was right, he was pathetic, cheap, worthless, everything they said he was. He deserved this, had brought it on himself, had earned it with his calloused disregard for the feelings of the women he used night after night – and the women he allowed to use him._

 _These agonizing thoughts careened through his mind, adding to the torment of his shame – until Allison grinned savagely and twisted the dial at the front of the stove…_

 _… and all that filled Barney’s mind was searing, relentless agony._

 

***********************************

 

The sound of his own panicked screams awakened him.

 

And everyone else in the house.

 

Barney huddled under his blankets, breathless, his heart racing as he tried to remember that he was safe here, at Marshall and Lily’s house, far away from the very real monsters that filled his nightmares. He heard the sounds of two sets of footsteps rushing through the apartment, and his heart sank when he realized that Marshall and Lily had heard the uproar he’d accidentally created.

 

He heard them talking quietly just outside the door, followed by a tentative knock.

 

“Barney?” Lily’s voice was guarded, cautious. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” he replied, though his voice was cracked and hoarse, and not one bit convincing. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just… go back to sleep.”

 

More quiet talking, quick and hushed and emphatic. It sounded as if they were arguing about something.

 

 _About you. You’re poison, Barney Stinson. You’ll only drag them down by being here. You should be home, by yourself, not taking advantage of their…_

 

“Barney, I’m coming in for a minute, okay?” Lily spoke again. “Marshall’s going back to bed.” There was an edge of command to her voice; and the silence, then heavy footsteps that followed her words told Barney that Lily had won the argument.

 

The door opened, allowing the dim light from the kitchen to filter through into the room. Lily’s frame was cast in shadow as she entered the room, closing the door behind her. She moved to the side of the bed and turned on the bedside lamp before cautiously sitting down on the edge of his bed. A frown of concern creased her brow as she reached down to brush his hair back from his face with soft fingertips.

 

“What happened?” she asked gently, tenderness and compassion in her voice. “Did you have a bad dream?”

 

Barney felt about ten years old.

 

He also felt like bawling his eyes out – which made him feel about _five_ years old.

 

“It was nothing,” Barney insisted, looking away, blinking away the tears that he was helpless even to wipe from his eyes. “Go back to bed, Lily, I’ll be fine…”

 

“No, Barney, see… this is why we had you stay here, okay?” There was a note of frustration in Lily’s words, but it was overcome by a firm determination. She lowered her hand from his hair to turn his face back toward her. “So you couldn’t do… _this_.” She waved a hand helplessly in his general direction, as if unable to find the words to express what “this” was – until she found them. “We knew you’d just want to hide away and try to deal with this on your own like you deal with everything else… but that’s not gonna work this time, Barney. I know you don’t like it, but you _need help_ right now – and you need to let us help you...”

 

“You can’t help me.”

 

Barney’s words were barely audible, but they stopped Lily’s well-intentioned scolding in its tracks. She stared at him, wide-eyed, her mouth open as if to protest – before she finally closed it again, her shoulders sagging with defeat.

 

“Okay,” she admitted after a moment, her voice quiet and resigned. “Maybe I can’t. Maybe there’s no way in the world that I could ever understand what you’re going through right now. Maybe there’s… no way I’d ever _want_ to. But… but you _do_ need help, Barney. You have to know that.”

 

Barney was silent, glad that the dim lighting of the room helped to mask the flush of shame on his face. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, afraid that his fear and humiliation would be too evident in his voice. He swallowed back the hard knot in his throat, his jaw locked in stubborn refusal to respond.

 

Lily continued softly, stroking his hair soothingly again, her tone almost apologetic. “I think… I think you need to see someone, Barney. Like… a therapist. Talk all this out, you know? So you can… maybe start to deal with it.”

 

“Talking about it isn’t going to help…”

 

“You don’t know that unless you try it, Barney. You’re starting your physical therapy tomorrow, right? With that guy your doctor recommended? Why don’t you call your doctor back and ask him to recommend someone who can help you to… to start to heal…emotionally.”

 

“I don’t need a psychologist, Lily,” Barney snapped, his voice trembling, dangerously close to out of his control as he finally turned his head to glare at her, jerking his head away from her affectionate touch. “I’m not crazy, and I’m not… not _broken_ , okay? I don’t need to talk to some stranger about my _feelings_. All that would do is just make everything worse. What I need to do is just forget all this ever happened and get on with my life – and I can’t do that with you breathing down my neck, insisting on treating me like the son you haven’t had yet. So _back off_!”

 

Lily flinched slightly, hurt evident on her face – and Barney immediately felt guilty.

 

She was only trying to help.

 

His voice softened, regret in his words as he amended, gentler, “I know you mean well, Lily. I know you’re doing this because you care, but… but please. Please, just… _back off_.”

 

Some of the hurt faded from Lily’s face, but there was clear disapproval there as well. Barney knew that Lily thought he was making the wrong decision; but it was not her decision to make. He stubbornly looked away from her again, refusing to be dissuaded.

 

The last thing he needed was for yet _another_ person to see the pathetic wreck to which he’d been reduced.

 

“Okay.” Lily quietly rose to her feet, reaching out to gently squeeze his arm; and in spite of himself Barney found the gesture reassuring in the wake of his rejection of her only moments before. “It’s your decision, Barney. I can’t make it for you.”

 

She touched the lamp, asking, “Do you want this off?”

 

Barney hesitated a moment, glancing up at her uncertainly before confessing in a shamed whisper, “No. Leave it.”

 

Lily nodded, making no comment on his choice before turning and going to the door. She stopped there for a moment, however, turning again to regard him with a quiet, solemn sympathy.

 

“Barney… it doesn’t have to be me,” she finally said, waiting until he reluctantly met her eyes to go on. “It doesn’t have to be anyone you know, if that’s easier for you. But… sooner or later you’re going to have to get this out. You’re going to have to talk to someone about… _everything_ … they did to you. If you keep it all in, it’s going to eat you from the inside out.”

 

Barney looked down at the bed, unable to hold her gaze, tears streaking his face. He hoped she couldn’t see them in the dim lighting, from so far away. His hopeless thoughts echoed in his mind, a response he couldn’t make his lips form.

 

 _Too late… nothing left…_

 

“Just consider it, okay?” Lily nodded leadingly, and Barney found himself nodding automatically in response. “Just… give it some thought. And Barney…” Her voice was thick with unshed tears as she added with quiet emphasis, “We _love_ you.”

 

Barney nodded again. Unable to form words at that point, a nod was the best he could do to return the sincere sentiment. He waited until Lily had gone, closing the door behind her, to allow his hopeless sobs to escape into the silence – because it _was_ hopeless, he knew.

 

His mind, his spirit, were still trapped in that dark, isolated cabin – and he had no idea how to escape.


	21. Chapter 21

Lily had some errands to run, and Marshall had to work, so the next morning Ted took Barney to his physical therapy appointment. Lily had scheduled it for him, choosing the only female name on the list of three his doctor had offered. They’d all assumed that, although Barney’s attackers had been both a man and a woman, he’d still be likely to feel safer with a female therapist.

 

His consistently negative reaction anytime Marshall got close to him was evidence enough of that.

 

Still, it was obvious to Ted that the therapy session wasn't easy for Barney, regardless of the gender of the therapist. Jenny was very professional, very gentle, having been informed of the basics of Barney's case and made aware that he was deeply traumatized. She made sure to tell him what she was going to do before she did it, warning him when she going to touch him or move his wheelchair, doing her best to make sure he was prepared and informed every step of the way.

 

But she still had to _touch_ him.

 

She had no choice but to help him to maneuver his body in ways that he wasn't quite able to do for himself yet; and the sense of powerlessness, of being at a stranger's mercy, was a little too similar to what Barney had felt during the nightmare of his recent ordeal. Ted could see that he was struggling, despite his outward calm.

 

Barney held up admirably given the circumstances. He cooperated with the therapist, and he somehow managed not to have another of the panic attacks he’d been having at home; and if Jenny ended the session a few minutes early because of the tell-tale signs that he might be on the verge of one, well -- none of them felt the need to point that out.

 

Ted pretended not to notice the way Barney would literally stop breathing for a moment whenever Jenny touched him, as well as the constant tremor that seemed to move through him for the duration of the therapy session -- and it seemed to help, a little. At least Barney managed to keep his emotions under control until the session was over and he and Ted made their way to the car.

 

Ted's fatal mistake was placing a gentle, supportive hand on Barney's shoulder and uttering six genuine, utterly sincere words of comfort that proved to be Barney's undoing.

 

"You did great in there, buddy."

 

Ted was stunned and horrified when Barney broke down completely, right there on the sidewalk, his shoulders quaking with sobs, one splinted hand rising awkwardly to cover his face as the tears he'd been holding back were ripped from him with violent sobs.

Ted hurried to help Barney into the passenger seat of the car and close the door, wanting to at least shield him from the curious glances of the people passing them on the street. He quickly folded the wheelchair and loaded it into the trunk before getting into the driver's seat and turning to face Barney, giving him his full attention.

 

Barney's breath came in sharp, ragged little hiccups as he struggled to control his tears, rolling his eyes in a vicious sneer at his own weakness and turning his head away in embarrassment.

 

"Hey." Ted kept his voice soft and neutral. "Hey, man, it's okay. It doesn't matter. You really held it together in there."

 

"Yeah," Barney gasped, still fighting to bring himself under control. The bitter contempt in his voice made Ted flinch to see how disgusted Barney was with himself for his reaction. " _In there_."

 

Ted was quiet for a moment, biting his lower lip in indecision. Finally, he reached out a cautious hand to rest on Barney's arm, encouraged when Barney did not flinch away from his touch. After a silent moment, Barney reluctantly looked up at him, a questioning expression in his glittering blue eyes.

 

" _In there_ is the only place where you have to," Ted gently reminded him, holding his gaze.

 

At those words, Barney's face crumpled and the tears began to flow again, and Ted wasn't sure for a moment if he'd said just the right thing or the worst thing he could possibly have said. But then, Barney's shoulders sagged with relief, and he rested the side of his head against the headrest, his voice small and pitiful as he answered with genuine gratitude.

 

"Thanks, Ted."

 

"No problem, buddy."

 

"You're my best friend, Ted."

 

"I know."

 

*****************************

 

It was still a little embarrassing to feel like such a child all the time, his emotions constantly on the razor's edge of his control, ready to fall apart at the simple touch of his therapist's hand on his damaged legs, or at the compassionate reassurance of his best friend that he didn’t have to keep his guard up around him.

 

Still, Barney was genuinely grateful for the safety and security he felt with Ted. From the time they'd met, they'd simply connected in a way that Barney couldn't remember ever connecting with anyone else. Though he tried not to let it show, because he was never one to allow himself to appear too vulnerable, Barney was dangerously dependent on Ted. Sometimes he wondered if Ted's friendship was _too_ important to him, made him too weak; but there was one thing he was sure of in moments like these.

 

There was no one else on earth with whom he felt so safe.

 

"So... one more month and you can be rid of that chair, huh?" Ted repeated Jenny's words as he pulled the car out onto the highway.

 

"Yeah."

 

"And by then they'll be taking those splints off your hands, and you can start working on that, too."

 

"Uh-huh."

 

Barney began to feel vaguely suspicious, wondering where Ted thought he was going with his slightly awkward statements of obvious fact. Ted was quiet for a moment after that, but Barney soon realized that it was only because he was choosing just the right words to go in for the kill.

 

"Don’t you think you ought to start working on the other stuff, too? You know. The emotional stuff?"

 

"I don't need to work on the emotional stuff," Barney insisted, a stubborn trace of a pout in his voice.

 

"Yeah. I can see that." Ted's tone was sarcastic, but gently so, and Barney found that he had no answer for the quiet point Ted made. "Come on, Barney. You really should let us schedule you an appointment with a therapist. The doctor recommended one..."

 

"What are you, Lily's double agent?" Barney retorted, accusation in his tone. "I thought we were bros, dude! You can't turn on me on this! Lily's manipulative enough without you _helping_ her!"

 

"That's true," Ted conceded with a little grimace. "How do you think she got me to do _this_?" He was quiet for a moment, staring through the windshield as he added in the same calm, neutral tone, "But she's right, you know."

 

"Ted. _Don't_."

 

"You know you need to talk about what happened. You're still freaking out all the time, and you haven't even told us -- haven't even told _me_ \-- exactly what happened, Barney," Ted insisted, and Barney winced inwardly at the trace of hurt he heard in his voice, certain that Ted hadn't meant to allow it to show. "As long as you keep holding it in, you're never gonna get past it."

 

Barney was silent, torn between his absolute dread at the thought of talking to a stranger about what had been done to him -- and the undeniable knowledge that what Ted was saying was true.

 

"Barney..."

 

The hesitation in Ted's weighted tone set off alarm bells in Barney's mind, and his mouth went dry as his brow broke out in a cold sweat. His heart raced, and he suddenly knew by sheer instinct what Ted was going to say next.

 

"... what... what _did_ happen...?"

 

"Don't." Barney's voice was a hoarse, desperate whisper, but it stopped Ted's words instantly. " _Please_."

 

Ted was quiet, and an awkward silence fell over the car as they finished the drive back to Marshall and Lily's apartment. Barney stared out the window, his face flaming with humiliation. Ted knew him better than anyone else did, and Barney was almost sure that his not-really-an-answer was all the answer Ted had needed to the unspoken question behind the half-spoken one he'd managed to get out.

 

Once he'd parked at the curb, Ted leaned back in his seat, letting out a heavy, shaky breath. Barney tensed, waiting for him to speak, dreading what he might have to say. After a long moment, Ted spoke without looking at Barney, his eyes still focused through the windshield in front of him.

 

"Whatever happened, Barney..." he stated softly, his words slow and carefully chosen. "... it wasn't _your_ fault. You were hurt, and tied up, and they... there were two of them, and they were armed, and... and _psychopaths_. No matter what happened... _you_ are not the one who should be ashamed."

 

The words made sense in Barney's head, but somehow, something was lost in the translation to the reality of what he felt. His throat closed up, and he couldn't speak, so he just nodded once in token acceptance of Ted's words, blinking rapidly against the fresh onslaught of tears they evoked.

 

Ted nodded in response, hesitating awkwardly for a moment before getting out of the car and opening the trunk.

 

*****************************

 

As Marshall parked his car outside MacLaren's that night, Lily let out an anxious sigh, glancing with wide, worried eyes toward Barney in the backseat.

 

"Are you _sure_ this is what you want to do?"

 

"Yeah," Barney insisted with a bright smile, nodding. "Of course. Guys, I'm going stir crazy in that lopsided apartment all day every day. Getting out and going to therapy today made me realize just how pathetic my life has been lately. I haven't been working, haven't been going out -- not at all. This is perfect."

 

"But Barney," Marshall interjected, agitated concern in his voice, "are you sure you're ready to just like... jump right back in...?"

 

"I have to eventually, don't I?" Barney pointed out, his tone still relentlessly cheerful. "I can't just sit around at home all day and think about the past. You guys are right. I need to do something about my problems. I need to move forward. And the best way to do that is just to... to get back to normal."

 

"Okay," Lily relented at last with a heavy sigh, opening her door to get out of the car. "If you think so..."

 

Ted was already sitting at their table when they walked in, and Robin was not there yet, but they knew she was on her way. Barney had mentally prepared himself for the stares, the whispers, the curious attention he knew he'd get coming back into MacLaren's. After all, he was a regular at a bar where most the customers were regulars. It only made sense that his absence would have been noticed, and that his return would be as well.

 

Strangely, the one thing Barney hadn't prepared himself for was the concerned, overly friendly welcome he received.

 

Several people he'd never even spoken to before made their way to the table to ask if he was all right, commenting that they hadn't seen him in a while, and had he been in an accident? He tried to come up with some explanation to offer for his wheelchair, but found that coming up with a convincing lie off the cuff was a little bit harder when surrounded by a group of people who already knew the truth.

 

He stammered over his words, struggling to come up with something, anything... and then Wendy approached the table with a platter of appetizers and drinks they hadn't offered, crouching beside his wheelchair and placing a sympathetic hand on his arm.

 

"Are you okay, Barney?" she asked.

 

She didn't seem to notice as he flinched away from her unwelcome, if well-intentioned, hand. He glanced past her toward the bar, where several people were staring in his direction with unabashed curiosity.

 

But... he didn't see _them_.

 

He saw the barstool where Allison had sat when he'd approached her to apologize, saw the place where he'd leaned against the bar and tried his best to impress her -- and Robin -- with the new leaf he was turning over. Though he knew it was irrational, a sense of terror seized him at the memory, and the fear that at any moment, she might walk into this bar again, might try to come after him and finish what she and Ryan had started.

 

Barney felt sick to his stomach, the familiar trembling beginning again as all the voices around him began to merge into one, the cacophony drowning out the panicked screaming in his own mind that he had to escape. He was surrounded, trapped, drowning in his own rising panic, and he just had to get away.

 

"Okay, everybody just _back off_!"

 

Lily's voice suddenly roared above the crowd, bringing them suddenly to silence as she held her hands up and stood between Barney and his well-meaning acquaintances. Barney's breath was short and uneven, and his head was bowed, his eyes closed, trying to shut out the overwhelming amount of input bombarding his senses.

 

Ted took one look at him and stood up, taking the handles of his wheelchair and pushing him back out of the bar and out into the cool night air. He positioned the wheelchair beside the stairs, in a sheltered corner, out of sight of most of the passersby around them, before crouching down and resting his hands on the armrests of the chair.

 

"You okay, Barney?" he asked softly. "Breathing a little better?"

 

Barney nodded, gasping for breath, struggling for control he'd nearly lost completely.

 

"It's okay. It was just a little too much, a little too soon. You'll be fine, and we can try again in a few days if you want..."

 

Barney shook his head, blinking back the tears in his eyes, lowering his face in despair.

 

"I can't... I can't do this," he whispered. "This is... this is our _place_... and... and I can't even... can't even..."

 

"I know, Barney," Ted cut him off gently, resting a supportive hand on his shoulder. "I know. You're gonna get past it, though. You're gonna be okay."

 

"Maybe not," Barney looked up at Ted at last with a stricken look of realization. "Ted," he whispered, hesitating before confessing words that filled his friend's face with overwhelming relief. "You... and Lily... you're... you're right. I need you to... to make that call in the morning, okay? I... I need help."


	22. Chapter 22

Barney attended his first therapy session two days later, grumbling and reluctant despite the fact that it was his own decision.

 

Lily still had a couple of weeks left before she had to return to work, and Ted’s schedule was flexible, so the two of them were elected to accompany him. They sat in the waiting room, all of them fidgety and anxious as they waited for the patient before Barney to finish her appointment.

 

Ever the well-intentioned control freak, Lily offered to go into Barney’s session with him, but he insisted that this was something he had to do on his own.

 

“I’ll be fine, Lily, I promise. You guys have done enough just by being here,” he explained with a grateful smile.

 

 _And it’s hard enough telling a stranger about this; it’d be even harder talking about it in front of you._

 

Barney’s every nerve was on edge, trembling, as Ted pushed his wheelchair into the doctor’s office, then turned and left, closing the door behind him. He glanced uncertainly up at the woman seated behind the desk, catching her welcoming smile, but looking away before she could make eye contact.

 

“Hi, Barney,” she greeted him mildly. “I’m Sarah.”

 

Barney frowned, curiosity prompting him to meet her gaze at last. “Not… Dr. Sorensen?”

 

She waved a dismissive hand, shaking her head. “Nah. We’re supposed to be getting to know each other this session, Barney. We’ll probably both be a little more comfortable with that if we’re on a first name basis.”

 

Barney made a little scoffing sound in the back of his throat, giving her a dubious look. “I really can’t see this being in any way _comfortable_.”

 

“We’ll only discuss what you’re comfortable discussing, Barney,” she assured him. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

 

“Well… I pretty much want to tell you _nothing_ ,” he informed her flatly. “So… it’s gonna be a long, boring hour.” He paused a moment, swallowing hard, his face flushing with self-conscious embarrassment in the slightly awkward silence that followed. His voice was softer, subdued, when he explained, “I… it was _my_ idea to do this. I… I _do_ want to… deal with this, I’m just… just saying…”

 

“I understand.” Sarah nodded, seeming unsurprised by his words – which made him begin to feel a little more relaxed already. “Half my patients don’t talk at all their first session – and most of them have been through a lot less actual trauma than you have, Barney. So, the way I see it, it seems you’re a bit ahead of the game already.”

Barney considered that for a moment, surprised. The idea that he was actually handling this nightmare as well as or better than some had not occurred to him.

 

It was an oddly comforting thought.

 

“Now, eventually… when you’re ready… I hope that we’ll get to the subject of what happened to you,” Sarah cautiously explained. “But that will be… in your own time.”

 

Barney’s “own time” turned out to be halfway through their fourth session. To that point, Barney and Sarah discussed his friends, his dating exploits, his various theories on life and love, but never even grazed the surface of the deeper issues for which he was visiting her in the first place. It was a wonder in itself that after a mere three hours of conversation, he found himself comfortable enough with her to confide about his feelings for Robin.

 

She was very warm and encouraging and made him feel safe enough to talk about almost anything – anything but what he was _supposed_ to be talking about. Finally, near the end of the fourth hour he’d spent with her, Barney was telling her about the lengths he’d gone to, to impress Robin and prove to her that he was worthy of her attentions, when somehow, it just sort of… slipped out.

 

“I thought I was… was doing a _good_ thing. That night.”

 

Sarah gave him a curious look, but betrayed no surprise or eagerness at the turn in the conversation. Barney kept his eyes averted, not sure that he could bring himself to go on if he looked her in the eye.

 

“Allison came in, and… and I started to hide from her, like I… like I always would have done, and… something about Robin’s reaction…” He shook his head, sounding defeated when he repeated, “I thought it was a good thing. To… to apologize to her for hurting her. It felt… important. Like I was… taking a step toward being… the kind of guy that… that Robin might…”

 

His voice trailed off, and he shook his head again – but Sarah was nodding slowly, encouragingly, understanding what he was trying to say perfectly. “The fact that you were willing to apologize must have meant a lot to Robin,” she observed, the statement only subtly leading.

 

Barney was quiet for a moment, his eyes downcast. “When I didn’t come back…” His voice was small and dejected. “… she must have… must have thought… she was _right_ to think… I… don’t deserve her.”

 

“Why do you think that you don’t deserve her?”

 

Barney couldn’t form the words to answer that question, though he was genuinely trying to think of the response. It was something he just _knew_ – like the fact that the sky was blue, or that blondes were easy, or that Robin Scherbatsky was the only good thing to ever come out of Canada.

 

“You know, Barney, you tried to make right a previous wrong. You tried to be a gentleman and help her to her car. You did everything right.”

 

“Not _everything_ , obviously, or it wouldn’t have happened!” Barney snapped.

 

“It’s not your fault.”

 

“Everybody keeps saying that, but they just don’t get it.” Barney’s voice was trembling, despite his efforts to control it. “ _I’m_ the one who took advantage of her and lied to her and made her hate me…”

 

“Women are betrayed and taken advantage of every day, Barney. It’s not a good thing by any means, but how many of those women drug and kidnap the men who’ve hurt them, torture and abuse them and try to kill them in the middle of the woods?”

 

Barney was silenced by those words, mentally conceding her point, though his traitorous mind was reluctant to release the sense of responsibility he felt for what had happened.

 

“And what about the boyfriend?” Sarah continued. “It’s not normal for a guy to go to such sadistic extremes just to avenge a girlfriend he feels has been wronged. Now, I know I haven’t talked to either of them, but I’d venture to say there has to something more at work there than just your sleeping with her and then lying to get rid of her.” Sarah was quiet for a moment, allowing those words to sink in before she added, “If it hadn’t been you… these two would have eventually had a different victim. What they did is no one’s responsibility but their own.”

 

Barney knew that she was right, and a part of him took comfort in Sarah’s words. He would not have wished what had happened to him on anyone else; yet it was somewhat reassuring to think that it was not his own fault that Allison had snapped and gone to such brutal extremes.

 

They talked for a few minutes more about what he was feeling, and Barney nodded and listened and tried to believe the words of comfort Sarah offered – but it wasn’t easy. He didn’t feel much better when he left, though he could tell that progress had been made. Just the fact that he had actually talked about it to someone told him _that_ much. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but for the first time, he left Sarah’s office without questioning whether or not he would return for the next session.

 

Ted and Lily kept up a steady stream of casual conversation in the car, forcefully keeping the awkward silence at bay, and Barney was grateful for their efforts. As long as they were talking to each other, he was free to simply lose himself in his thoughts and try to process the things he and Sarah had discussed in his session.

 

When they arrived at Lily and Marshall’s apartment, Ted came in and sat down on the couch, apparently intending to stay for a while. Lily went immediately to the answering machine, pressing the button to receive her messages, then moving around the kitchen making preparations for dinner while listening. There were two messages from telemarketers, one from someone at Lily’s school – and then the message that caught Barney’s attention, causing his heart to race with dread.

 

“This is Tom Martin with the New Jersey prosecutor’s office. This message is for Barney Stinson. We wanted to let you know that we’ve decided to proceed with trial on the case of Allison Sharpe. The investigation on the other defendant is still open, but we’ve decided not to wait any longer before setting a court date in the first case. I need you to call me back and make an appointment to come and meet with me and update your statement…”

 

Barney barely heard the rest of the message, his blood roaring in his ears as he struggled to control the rising panic within him. The police had told him that there would be a single trial, to try both Ryan and Allison for the same crimes, as was often the case in situations such as this, in order to spare the victim the unnecessary suffering that would come with having to relive his ordeal not once, but twice.

 

The fact that the plan had changed in this way could only mean one thing:

 

They hadn’t found Ryan yet – and they didn’t expect to any time soon.

 

“Barney…” Ted’s voice was cautious, warning. He was apparently the first to notice Barney’s reaction to the message. “Barney, look at me…”

 

“They haven’t caught him,” Barney whispered, shaking his head, eyes wide and stricken. “They haven’t, and they’re not going to. He’s going to get away with it…”

 

“No, he’s not,” Lily insisted, coming into the living room and moving quickly to crouch at Barney’s side.

 

“He _is_ ,” Barney argued, looking up at her through tearful eyes. “He’s going to get away with it! He’s… he’s free to… to do whatever he wants… to… to come back if he wants, and…”

 

“Barney, no!” Lily objected, horrified. “Sweetie, you can’t think like that…”

 

“There’s no other way to think!” Barney’s shoulders shook with sobs. “He’s gonna come after me, because as long as I’m able to… to tell what he did… He’s gotta make sure I can’t testify against him. He’s gonna kill me! He’s gonna find me and he’s gonna kill me, Lily…”

 

Ted had risen from the sofa and now stood behind Barney’s wheelchair, reaching down to place a reassuring hand on his shoulder, as Lily placed her hands on his knees and looked into his eyes.

 

“Barney, we are _not_ going to let that happen,” she declared, firm conviction in her voice. “We can talk to the police, get a twenty-four-hour guard if we have to. I promise, we will _not_ let him get to you!”

 

Barney barely seemed to hear her. “I can’t,” he whispered desolately, shaking his head. “I can’t… can’t go through… through _that_ again, I _can’t_! I’d _rather_ be dead than to have him… than to let him… God, _no_!” Barney’s voice broke off in a whimper as he lowered his face into his bound hands, crying softly.

 

Lily’s and Ted’s eyes met over his head with dark realization. Though it had yet to be spoken amongst them, they both knew what it was that Barney found to be a fate worse than death. Lily’s hands rose to touch Barney’s arms, running soothingly up and down, as Ted’s hand on his shoulder instinctively tightened.

 

“Barney,” Ted said softly, reaching his free hand down to slowly, gently cup Barney’s cheek and raise his head to meet Ted’s dark, solemn eyes. “No matter what I have to do… I swear to you he will _never… touch_ you again. Okay? _Never_.”

 

Barney stared up at him, clearly doubting, but taking comfort in Ted’s reassurance. He leaned slightly, subconsciously, into Ted’s hand, and Ted felt something within him shattering at the feeling. He dropped to his knees, wrapping his arms around Barney and holding him close, as Lily moved in closer to do the same – the two of them embracing him with what protection they could offer from fears and monsters they had no idea how to fight.


	23. Chapter 23

Although he was reluctant to talk any further about what he’d been through, Barney allowed Lily to call back the detective who’d left the message and arrange an appointment. When the day came, however, it happened that Ted and Marshall both had to work, and Lily had a meeting at the school that even her temporary leave could not excuse her from.

Robin was the only one left to take Barney on the two hour drive to the police station in New Jersey.

He was quiet most of the way, distant and tense, staring out the window while Robin tried to just listen to the radio and pretend that everything was all right. It wasn’t until they were parked outside the police station that Barney finally voiced his fears.

“Why do you think they haven’t found him yet?”

Robin frowned, considering the question. “Maybe he’s skipped the country. If he has, then he’s probably not coming back anyway,” she offered hopefully.

“Until it’s been long enough that no one’s looking for him anymore,” Barney amended in a dark, wary tone. “Until he can safely come back into the country and take care of the witness that could get him put away.”

Robin sighed in defeat, acknowledging the failure of her comfort attempt. “They’ll find him, Barney,” she tried again with another tactic. “Give it a little more time. They’ve got Allison in custody, and she’s probably looking to make a deal, so she’ll say _something_ to give him away, I’m sure…”

Barney stared at her through wide eyes full of alarm. “They wouldn’t give her a _deal_ , would they?”

“Of course not,” she assured him hurriedly, biting her lower lip in worried frustration. “I mean… God, I suck at this.”

“No, you don’t.” Barney’s voice was soft, quietly despairing, as he looked down. “You just… suck at _lying_. And… there’s nothing good you can say.”

Robin helped him get inside, waiting outside the detective’s office while he was being interviewed. She sat and tried to read a magazine for a little while, but found she didn’t have the concentration to do so at the moment. She got up after a few minutes, pacing in barely restrained agitation, wishing that she could go in there and be at Barney’s side for this second ordeal – and yet utterly relieved that she didn’t have to.

And that, of course, led to the _guilt_ …

The shades were open on the windows to the detective’s office, and though she tried not to stare in that direction, Robin couldn’t help the occasional glance. It hurt to watch Barney, usually confident to the point of arrogance, quiet and withdrawn and visibly struggling over his words. She watched with dismay as at one point he broke down, burying his face in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

It was at that point she decided, regardless of how useless she was in all situations emotional, that she could not allow Barney to go through this alone. He clearly needed someone, and since Lily, Ted, and Marshall were unavailable – that left her.

She glanced around as she rose to her feet again, but no one seemed to take enough notice of her to stop her as she headed purposefully toward the detective’s office. The words were poised on the tip of her tongue as she turned the door handle and opened it.

 _Barney, are you all right…?_

But she never got to speak them, Barney’s raised, trembling voice drifting out through the door the moment she opened it.

“… easy for _you_ to say when you’re not the one who was tortured and _raped_! Don’t tell me not to worry when _I’m_ the first one he’ll come after if…”

His voice trailed off as he saw her in the doorway, a look of stricken horror in his eyes as he realized what she’d heard – but the damage was already done. Robin stared back at him, eyes round and stunned as her mind raced to process the awful words he’d spoken. She swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry, her lips working to find something, _anything_ to say to break the awkward stillness.

After a few seconds that seemed interminable, the detective broke the silence. “Miss, I’m sorry, you’re going to have to wait…”

Robin nodded hurriedly, gratefully accepting the excuse and not meeting Barney’s eyes as she returned to the waiting area. Her head spun with this new, horrific knowledge, as she tried to wrap her mind around what had happened to her friend – and to figure out how in the world she was going to face him when the interview was over.

*****************************

Barney couldn’t focus on the rest of the detective’s questions.

His face flamed with humiliation, his heart thundering in his ears as he fought back the rolling waves of nausea that overwhelmed him when he thought of what Robin had heard.

 _Oh, God… no… no, she can’t know…_

Out of all the people he knew who could have found out the dark secret he’d been carrying, Barney couldn’t think of anyone worse than _Robin_. He didn’t want to leave the office he’d only moments ago been longing to escape. He didn’t want to ever have to look Robin in the eye again, knowing what she now knew about him.

But eventually, he had to.

The detective wheeled his chair out of the office, and Robin dutifully rose to take it from him, silently escorting Barney back out to the car. As she helped him get in and loaded his wheelchair into the back of the car, neither of them spoke, the silent tension between them a palpable thing.

Robin had already been awkward with him, Barney reminded himself, somehow trying to reason it into being better. She didn’t seem to know what to say to him, and therefore seemed to keep her distance more than the others. It made Barney feel like crap, because he knew that Robin liked her men tough and violent and aggressive – and his victim status made it perfectly clear that he was none of the above.

And that had been _before_ she found out what had been done to him.

 _If she could barely talk to me before, what’s she going to think now?_ Barney wondered with a sinking feeling of despair. _She must see me as so worthless and pathetic – disgusting. Nothing remotely resembling what she looks for in a man._

Tears of shame filled his eyes, but he blinked them back, refusing to allow them to fall – though he wasn’t sure why he was bothering, anymore. It wasn’t as if holding back a few tears was going to make any difference.

 _She’ll never want me now._

When they reached Marshall and Lily’s apartment, it was empty. Lily was still at her meeting, and Marshall was still at work. Barney thought about calling Ted to come over and stay with him for a while, but he knew Ted was hard at work on a new project, and didn’t want to bother him. He told Robin that she didn’t have to stay, that he’d be fine on his own for a little while, but she refused, insisting on staying at least until Marshall or Lily got home.

Her tone made it very clear how badly she wished she could leave.

Barney felt embarrassed and uncomfortable, like a burden that had been thrust upon her, as she helped him get comfortable in the living room in front of the television, and then sat down on the sofa beside him. Neither of them was really watching the program that was on, though they both pretended to, if only to avoid having an actual conversation.

“So… I went on a date with this guy once… back in Canada, my senior year of high school. Darren Briggs.”

Barney blinked, looking up at Robin in surprise at her seemingly random words. He kept his eyes on her, silently waiting for her to go on. She hesitated a moment, meeting his eyes for just a moment before looking back toward the television, her jaw set with resolve, as if facing some difficult task instead of merely telling a story.

“He was really sweet, and the star of the hockey team, and… I thought he was totally hot. I was thrilled that he even asked me out in the first place,” Robin continued, a sad, wistful smile on her lips as she recalled the events she was retelling. “We went to a school dance and then for ice cream, and then out to Pleasure Point in his car. That was the make-out spot where all the teenagers went when I was a kid.”

Barney’s curiosity faded into wary concern as he watched Robin’s smile fade, her expression growing solemn and troubled as she went on.

“Anyway… things started to go a little further than I wanted. I was… a virgin, and… and he started… getting pushy. I… I told him to stop, that I didn’t want to be there anymore, to take me home. He… he refused.” She paused, swallowing hard, struggling slightly over her next words. “He… his hands were everywhere. He wouldn’t stop. I pushed him away from me, but he kept coming, and… and finally, I managed to get the car door open and get out. He… came after me, but… there was a park ranger making his rounds, and… and Darren backed off. I… I walked home. I was… scared to death. I didn’t tell anyone what happened.”

Robin looked up to meet Barney’s stricken, sympathetic eyes, a sad smile on her lips once more. Her voice was soft, vaguely wondering, as she amended, “I _never_ told anyone what happened – until now. He… he tried to rape me. I was almost… raped.” The word seemed to fall from her lips with difficulty, as if even now, so many years later, it was difficult to acknowledge the truth of what had happened. “All this time… and I’ve never… never been able to say anything, and…” She shrugged slightly, shaking her head. “… and nothing even _happened_.”

Barney opened his mouth to protest those words, shaking his head, but Robin went on before he could speak.

“I think… if you can be brave enough to talk about what happened to you… as many times as you have, and are going to have to in the next few weeks… then, I can talk about it when it didn’t even happen to me, you know? I can’t imagine going through what you went through and… and functioning at all. The summer after I graduated, I was a wreck.”

There were tears shining in her eyes as she slid across the sofa until she was only a couple of feet away from where Barney’s chair sat. She glanced up as they heard footsteps in the hall, followed by the familiar scraping sound of a key in the lock. Someone was home, and she would be relieved of her awkward duty – but it no longer felt either awkward or like a duty anymore. Robin leaned in quickly and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Barney’s lips, drawing back to give him an admiring smile.

“You _amaze_ me, Barney,” she stated with matter-of-fact certainty that left him wide-eyed and disbelieving. “You’re my hero.”

And a moment later, Lily walked into the apartment, and the moment was broken – but it lingered in Barney’s thoughts as Robin spoke briefly to Lily and left. As Lily asked him about the interview, he somehow managed to offer her the answers she sought, even though his thoughts were a million miles away. This time, however, his distraction was not nearly as painful as it had been.

Robin’s unexpected reaction to the news he hadn’t meant to share with her left him feeling more positive and hopeful than he had felt since this whole nightmare had started. He knew that Ryan was still out there, and Allison’s charges had not been formalized yet, and there was no way of knowing for sure what would happen – and yet somehow, for the first time, Barney began to feel as if maybe, everything would be all right after all.


	24. Chapter 24

Barney hadn’t asked Robin to keep his secret, but he didn’t really expect her to say anything to the others about what she’d accidentally learned. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous the next time the group was all together. How good was Robin’s poker face? He knew the girl couldn’t lie to save her own life. Despite her good intentions, would she be able to keep such a monumental secret from the others?

 

If she told Ted, Ted would certainly tell Marshall.

 

If she told Marshall, Marshall would end up telling Lily.

 

If she told Lily – well, then, she might as well have told everyone.

 

One single slip was all it would take to bring about his utter humiliation.

 

Much to his relief, Robin seemed totally normal when she arrived at Marshall’s and Lily’s apartment, which had become the new group hangout since Barney had moved in. Robin was her usual self, griping good-naturedly about the annoyances of her job as she took off her coat and hung it up on the hook beside the door. Before long, the entire group was engaged in a conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with Barney’s situation – and he finally began to relax a little.

 

Once his fears had faded, Barney realized that he actually felt more comfortable than usual. There was something reassuring in the knowledge that someone knew the secret he’d been keeping. He didn’t have to bear the full burden of his shame on his own anymore; there was someone in his corner who knew what had been done to him and still chose to stay there. Robin didn’t treat him any differently, or do anything to draw his attention to their shared secret, either around the others or in the rare moments when they were alone.

 

Over the next few days, however, those moments became less and less rare.

 

Lily was preparing to go back to work in less than a week, which required her to attend several meetings at her school. Marshall and Ted were working consistently, and Barney was not comfortable being alone for very long at a time. He hated feeling like a burden to his friends, and repeatedly told them that he would be fine in the house by himself. He was walking on his crutches now, and would soon have the use of his hands again.

 

“I’ll be fine, I don’t need a babysitter,” he half-heartedly insisted.

 

He was silently grateful when Robin ignored his objections.

 

When Lily returned to work, Robin became Barney’s near-constant companion. She would come to Marshall and Lily’s apartment after her show in the mornings, with the intention of sleeping – but she rarely did. She and Barney ended up talking most days – about anything and everything _but_ what had happened to him. Barney still didn’t feel like talking about it, didn’t want to draw any more attention to it than necessary.

 

But, it felt good to know that if he _did_ want to… he _could_.

 

When Barney had to go back to New Jersey for a meeting with the prosecutor in charge of his case, Robin was the one he wanted to take him – and he didn’t have to ask her. She simply assumed without being asked that she would be the one to make the trip with him.

 

“If it was just a couple of weeks later, I’d be able to drive myself,” Barney pointed out in the car, his tone light but a little strained, and Robin knew that he was wondering what the next two weeks would bring.

 

Robin offered him what little reassurance she could. “By then, hopefully this will be all over.”

 

Barney nodded once in mere acknowledgement, silent, reluctant to confirm her dubious prediction. He wasn’t at all sure that she was right.

 

At the courthouse, she walked with him into the prosecutor’s office, helping him to manage his crutches as he sat down in the plush chair across from the prosecutor. Robin nodded in greeting to the woman behind the large, glossy wood desk before turning and taking a step back toward the door.

 

“Robin...”

 

She turned to meet Barney’s eyes, a question in her own. He was biting his lower lip, uncertainty in his crystal blue gaze. His voice was very soft, low and carefully controlled, and the faintly pleading note she caught there tore at Robin’s heart.

 

“Will you stay?”

 

There was no question as to the answer she would give him.

 

“Of course.”

 

Robin gave the prosecutor a polite, slightly self-conscious smile as she took a seat in one of the chairs that lined the wall across from her desk. She kept her gaze averted, uncertain as to whether or not Barney had made the right choice by asking her to stay. She knew that they were going to be going over many of the details of what had happened to him, and she wasn’t sure if that was going to be easy for Barney, knowing she was listening.

 

 _He asked me to stay, so he must want me here,_ she reminded herself firmly. The voice narrating her thoughts sounded suspiciously like Barney’s own voice, as Robin squared her shoulders and tried to put aside her own uncertainties. _Man up, Scherbatsky. Looks like you’re the only one here who’s freaking out. If he can find the strength to do this, the least you can do is to sit here and listen._

As it turned out, the interview wasn’t at all easy for Barney; but in his defense, Robin wasn’t sure it would have been any easier if she had not been there. The prosecutor had Barney’s police statements in front of her, but she still made him relate the same details to her, questioning him in much the same manner as the defense attorney was likely to do – latching onto the smallest discrepancies with ruthless attention.

 

“You told the detective that they were both there when that happened, Barney,” she challenged him sharply at one point. “Now you’re saying it was just Ryan at that point. Which is it?”

 

Barney frowned, closing his eyes, struggling to focus on the memories he’d rather have left buried. He shook his head slightly in confusion, his voice trembling and uncertain.

 

“I-I… don’t remember… it was… all happening really fast, and I was… a little freaked out…”

 

Staring in horror at the story that Barney had recounted so far – one of dozens of instances of vicious torture and terrorization his captors had inflicted upon him – Robin imagined that “a little freaked out” had to be the biggest understatement of Barney’s life. The harsh manner the prosecutor was using at the moment was awakening protective instincts that Robin hadn’t realized she possessed.

 

“Come on, Barney,” the woman persisted, a warning edge to her voice. “If you can’t remember what _really_ happened, maybe you can at least remember the story you told the police.”

 

“I told them the truth!” Barney insisted, opening his eyes and looking up at her with hurt in his eyes. “I’m not making this up!”

 

“Then why have you told two different stories?”

 

“It’s _confusing_!”

 

“Come on!” Robin spoke up at last when she could bear it no longer, drawing the woman’s sharp gaze toward her. “Do you have to be so hard on him? Don’t you have an ounce of compassion for what he’s been through?”

 

“Of course I do. But Allison Sharpe’s attorney is getting paid _not_ to.” The woman’s dark eyes were sharp, her piercing gaze locked onto Robin with an intensity that made her look away. “If you think it’s confusing now…” She directed her gaze back toward Barney, her tone somewhat softer. “… just imagine how it’ll be in the courtroom, in front of the judge and the jury… and _her._ We get one shot at this, and we have to…”

 

“I get it.” Barney’s voice was soft but arresting, and the prosecutor fell silent. “We have to be ready. It’s okay.” He hesitated, swallowing hard, steadying his breathing with an effort. “Go ahead. I’m okay. Let’s… try it again. What was the question?”

 

In that moment, Robin felt the same swell of wondering admiration she’d felt the day that she’d discovered just how much Barney was dealing with – what a tremendous weight he’d been bearing on his own, and so bravely. He was clearly afraid and overwhelmed, struggling with what he was going to have to do in just a few short days; and yet he was somehow still finding the strength to keep going in spite of his fears.

 

When they got in the car a couple of hours later, however, Barney let the shield down.

 

He raised his bandaged hands to cover his face for a moment, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. Not particularly good with these types of situations, Robin reached across the seat to place an awkward arm around his shoulders – not speaking, as there were no words to fix what was wrong. She just sat there with him, offering what silent support she could.

 

The determined strength he’d displayed in the prosecutor’s office was nowhere to be found when he finally raised his head, shaking it slowly as he met her eyes, a despairing note in his voice.

 

“I’m not sure if I can do this, Robin.”

“Of course you can,” she automatically argued, giving him an encouraging smile. “You sounded great in there…”

 

“In there, yeah,” Barney countered with a self-derisive scoff. “But… in the courtroom…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head again. When he continued, his voice was barely over a whisper, hushed with dread. “She’s going to be there, Robin. In _that_ room. I’m going to have to sit there and tell that whole room full of people what… what the two of them did to me… right in front of her. Do you have any idea how freakin’ terrifying that’s going to be?”

 

Robin considered his words for a moment, her expression solemn and thoughtful, before shaking her head and answering honestly. “No. I… I don’t think I could.”

 

Barney studied her expression, then looked away, shaking his head. “No,” he agreed. “You couldn’t.”

 

When they returned to the empty apartment, Barney went directly to his bedroom and laid down on the bed. He turned onto his side so that his back was to the door, his damaged hands crossed over his chest in an instinctively defensive gesture. He just lay there for a little while, not closing his eyes or coming anywhere close to sleep, too focused on his own fears to rest.

 

He didn’t look up when he heard the bedroom door creak open. He knew it was Robin, but he didn’t really feel like talking at the moment. He was surprised, however, when he felt the slight depression of someone sitting down on the other side of the mattress. He tensed, surprised, when he felt Robin lie down behind him, not quite touching him. One soft hand brushed his arm, and he heard her soft, tentative voice from over his shoulder.

 

“Is… is this okay?” She paused, and her swallow was audible in the stillness of the room. “For me to just… lay here with you for a little while?”

 

A swelling ache formed in Barney’s chest at the gentle offer, and he found that he could not refuse it. He didn’t want to talk anymore, didn’t want to open up or share or “let it out”. He’d had as much of all that as he could stand for a while.

 

And that was what was good about Robin.

 

She didn’t want him to do any of those things. She was content just to _be_ there with him.

 

He didn’t speak, simply nodded slightly – but it was enough. Robin settled in close to him, draping one arm comfortably around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder. Barney found himself relaxing back against her, simply allowing himself to take comfort in the gentle presence of someone who wanted nothing more from him than just for him to let her be there.


	25. Chapter 25

Lily came home from her meetings at the school, excited at the prospect of going back to work in a few days. She almost felt a little guilty for that excitement, thinking of how much harder it would likely be for Barney to be alone more of the time; but she couldn’t help it. She loved her job, and had missed the children in her class.

 

 _Of course, Robin has been spending a lot more time with Barney lately… and her job gives her a lot more free time than mine…_ she reasoned. _And she’s not been nearly so awkward with him lately as she was in the beginning. Maybe this is actually better for everybody…_

 

When she walked into the house, the lights were turned off, except for the small lamp over the kitchen counter, and the shades were drawn, leaving the area in dim, hushed stillness. Lily frowned, looking around for any signs of life. She was sure that Robin and Barney should have returned from their little road trip hours earlier. It was possible that Barney might be sleeping, but she couldn’t imagine that Robin would have left him alone. Lily experienced a momentary panic as the disturbing thought occurred to her.

 

 _What if they never made it home?_

 

She hurried to the bedroom, not bothering to knock in her urgency to make sure her friends were all right. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room, but relief swept over her as her gaze gradually made out the form of someone sleeping in the bed.

 

 _Wait…_ two _someones…_

 

The blond shock of hair sticking out over the top of the soft throw blanket they usually kept on the back of the sofa in the living room was obviously Barney’s; but the other form was more difficult to identify. After a moment, however, Lily’s eyes adjusted enough to make out long, straight, dark hair and a familiar profile, barely visible in the shadow of Barney’s sleeping form.

 

 _Robin…_

 _Robin?_

 _Oh my God,_ Robin!

 

Stunned, eyes round as saucers, Lily threw a hand up to stifle her startled squeak, staring at the cozy scene before her and trying to make her mind process the reality of it. Although the sound was muffled by her hand, Lily still was afraid that she might have disturbed them. Not wanting to draw any attention to herself and what she had discovered, Lily backpedaled swiftly out of the room, drawing the door shut behind her.

 

A moment later the door opened, and a disheveled, not-at-all-sleepy Robin slipped out, closing it carefully again. She turned back to face Lily, her eyes large and solemn, a quiet urgency in her voice.

 

“Lily… this is _so_ not what you think…”

 

“But… but… you… and Barney… with the… _sleeping_ , and…”

 

“We weren’t sleeping, we…”

 

Lily let out an indignant squeak, her eyes widening further until they seemed to take up half her face. Robin held up a hand to halt Lily’s helpless sputtering, breaking in quickly.

 

“ _Nothing happened,_ I swear, Lily. _I_ wasn’t sleeping, but Barney is. And we… we didn’t do anything. God, Lily, I _wouldn’t_. He just… needed a little bit of comfort. The interview with the prosecutor didn’t go very well, and he was pretty shaken up. He just… didn’t want to be alone, that’s all. It was just… comfort.”

 

Lily was a little calmer by the time Robin finished her explanation, but still concerned – concerned enough, in fact, to break the confidence she’d been keeping from Robin for the past year.

 

 _She needs to know. If she doesn’t, she might end up doing more damage than can be fixed…_

 

“Just… be careful,” she advised. “Barney’s… really vulnerable right now, and… especially to you. I… I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but…”

 

“He’s in love with me. I know.”

 

Lily’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before she pursed her lips, her eyes narrowed. “I’m gonna _kill_ Marshall.”

 

“Kill Ted,” Robin suggested with a little shrug. “He’s the one who told me, and…” She paused, a thoughtful frown creasing her brow before she amended, “No, you’re right. Kill Marshall. He should learn to keep his mouth shut. Poor Barney. Should have known better than to tell Marshall.”

 

Lily cleared her throat, her face flushing with embarrassment as she confessed, “He, uh… he didn’t… tell _Marshall_ , exactly…”

 

Robin didn’t look surprised. “That’s pretty much what I thought.”

 

“I should kill _myself_ ,” Lily muttered, sighing as she moved toward the kitchen table to go through the stack of mail she had set down upon entering the house. “Save Barney the trouble, since he can’t use his…”

 

Her voice trailed off, distracted as she noticed a strange envelope among the usual bills and junk mail addressed to her and Marshall. Barney’s name was scrawled across the middle of it, with no address. There were no return address or postage markings of any kind – just Barney’s name on a plain envelope.

 

Lily frowned, a sick quiver beginning in the pit of her stomach. Without a word, she held the envelope out for Robin’s inspection. Robin gave her a worried, curious look as she took it and looked it over, her expression swiftly changing to one of alarm.

 

“Okay… anything that gets delivered like this can’t possibly be a _good_ thing.”

 

“That’s what I’m thinking,” Lily agreed, troubled. “Whoever wrote this had to have put it directly into our mail slot without actually mailing it…”

 

“Which means they don’t want to be detected.” Robin nodded slowly. She paused before adding, “Which means… it might not be a good idea to just give whatever that is to Barney without _knowing_ what it is.”

 

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

 

Lily snatched the envelope back, tearing it open without hesitation and taking out the folded paper inside with a trembling hand. Robin moved in close to read it over her shoulder, biting her lower lip anxiously. The brief message it held was chillingly ominous.

 

 _“You survived the first time. Keep your mouth shut, or you won’t survive the next time.”_

 

A shiver went down Lily’s spine, as she turned wide, fearful eyes toward her friend, finding a matching expression on Robin’s face. Lily allowed the paper to fall onto the kitchen table, crossing her arms over her stomach in an instinctively protective gesture. She found herself wondering how long ago the message had been left, and whether or not the person who’d left it might still be nearby.

 

“Okay, so… obviously Barney doesn’t need to see this.”

 

Lily nodded slowly, accepting Robin’s conclusion – then hesitated, letting out a short sigh. “Except…”

 

“Except _nothing_!” Robin insisted, a horrified expression on her face at the idea that Lily might think otherwise. “What good could it possibly do? He’s supposed to testify in three days! Do you think he’s going to be able to go through with it if he’s just read something like _that_?” Robin gestured emphatically toward the discarded letter.

 

“Maybe he shouldn’t,” Lily argued. “This guy is threatening to _kill_ him! He has the right to know the danger that he’s in – to be able to make the decision whether or not he wants to take the risk.”

 

“But there’s going to be a risk either way,” Robin pointed out in a quiet, trembling voice. “Lily… letting these people get away with this is _not_ a legitimate option. If he decides not to testify, and they get away with it, what’s to stop them from coming after him again?” She paused, struggling over her next words, blinking rapidly as her eyes filled with rare tears. “He’d live the rest of his life in fear – knowing that they were still out there, and wondering when they might take him and… and torture him again. And _kill_ him. Lily – he can’t live like that. No one can.”

 

Lily was silent, having no argument to refute Robin’s words.

 

“You’re right,” Robin went on, her voice hushed and thick with unshed tears. “He _won’t_ testify if he knows about this letter. So… he shouldn’t know about it.”

 

It still felt wrong to hide something so serious from Barney, but Lily understood Robin’s reasoning, and concluded that she was likely right. Revealing the letter to him would almost certainly do more harm than good. She nodded slowly again, reaching for the telephone on the kitchen wall with one hand and the phonebook with the other.

 

“Who are you calling?”

 

Lily gave Robin a dark look as she scanned the page in front of her. “I think it’s about time to hire those security guards we talked about when all this first happened.”

 

*************************************

 

“Got something for you.”

 

Allison looked up, immediately nervous, at the unfamiliar voice at her side. She glanced at the fellow inmate who had just sat down at her table in the huge dining hall, wondering how this person had managed to get the information she needed. She was fortunate that Ryan was so well connected, and figured it was for the best that she didn’t know exactly what methods he used to get messages through to her.

 

The woman beside her slipped a folded piece of paper under the edge of Allison’s napkin, took a few bites of the sludge that passed for food in this place, then rose and took her tray away. Allison glanced around to make sure no one was looking her way before taking the piece of paper in her hand and opening it. She smiled when she found a phone number written there.

 

She was allowed to make a single phone call each week. As the police were seeking him, Ryan could not stay in one place for long. Still, somehow, he managed to get her a number where she could call him each week before time for her call. The calls always went through to a random payphone, always in a different place, and they could never talk for more than a few minutes at a time, just in case the calls were being traced.

 

Her hands were trembling as she dialed the number on the paper, eagerly waiting until the ringing stopped.

 

“Hey, babe.”

 

“Ryan. God, I miss you so much…”

 

“I know, me too, baby. Don’t worry, though, it won’t be like this for long.”

 

“So… you’re doing something about our… our situation?”

 

Allison nervously tapped her foot, fidgeting with the crumpled paper in her hand. These weekly talks with Ryan were reassuring to her, but it was easy to allow her fears to take over, stuck in this place with no control over her situation or what was going to happen to her.

 

“Of course,” Ryan insisted. “Allie, don’t worry. I’ve got this.”

 

“But my public defender says he’s going to testify…”

 

“I _said_ I’ve _got_ this, babe…”

 

There was a note of irritation in Ryan’s voice, and Allison winced slightly at that. At this point, he was her only hope of _not_ spending the rest of her life in prison. He was on the run, but _free_ , and there was really nothing keeping him from giving up on her and leaving her to rot, if he got irritated _enough._ Still, her nerves were on edge with the stress of her impending trial, and she couldn’t resist pushing just a little. She had to _know_.

 

“The trial is in _three days_ , Ryan. That little slut testifies against me, and I’m _done_. You know that, right?”

 

“I know, sweetie.” Ryan’s tone was reassuring, softer, and Allison relaxed a little. “I know. Don’t worry. You know I won’t let that happen. You’re going to be fine. I’m taking care of everything.”

 

“Well, you’d better do it fast…”

 

“Easy, Allie,” Ryan soothed her, a note of self-assured smugness in his voice. “There are several ways this could go down, and I’m prepared for all of them. But one way or another – there is _no way_ that Barney Stinson is going to testify against you. Okay? No way. Relax. I know what I’m doing – and I’ve got it all under control.”


	26. Chapter 26

Barney woke up feeling disoriented from the darkness of the bedroom in the middle of the day, his brain feeling muddled and sleep-heavy. He rolled over in the bed, noting that Robin was no longer beside him. He lay there for a few minutes, his mind clinging to the memory of the way she’d felt behind him, her arms wrapped around him in comfort, her chin resting against his shoulder.

 

It was a sweet memory – but also a confusing one.

 

Barney didn’t have a lot of experience with cuddling for cuddling’s sake alone.

 

It had been… nice. _Beyond_ nice, in fact. Barney found himself wondering if Robin had left yet – and hoping that she hadn’t. He got up from the bed, and made his way on his crutches out into the living room, expecting to find Lily, and maybe Marshall, and if he was lucky, Robin.

 

He stopped short in the doorway, caught off guard to find Lily and Robin accompanied by two strange men – one in an expensive suit that he couldn’t help but subconsciously admire despite his misgivings, and the other in a uniform that resembled a policeman’s uniform, but wasn’t quite right.

 

 _Security guard? But why…?_

 

His apprehensive musings were cut short when he realized that all four of them were staring in his direction, and the muted voices he’d heard from the bedroom had fallen silent. He had been uneasy before, but that just intensified the feeling, as he began to wonder what they might have been discussing that they would feel the need to hide from him.

 

“Hey.” He broke the silence at last with an uncomfortable little huff of laughter. “What’s up, guys? What’s going on?”

 

Lily glanced at Robin and at the two strangers before meeting his eyes with an expression of unmistakable guilt in her own. “Well, um… remember when you first came home from the hospital, and we talked about… hiring security? Just in case, to make sure we were all safe?”

 

“Yeah…” Barney’s tone was slow and guarded, and he arched a single brow in her direction. “And then we decided it wasn’t necessary with the police doing regular patrols by the house, and since I wasn’t staying at home.”

 

“Well… I was thinking. Rethinking, actually… and I was… rethinking that maybe we should… rethink that decision.”

 

Robin gave Lily an incredulous look, shaking her head slowly. “Is there some alternative universe in which that was actually _English_?”

 

Lily shot her a dirty look, but before she could retort, Barney interrupted, too concerned by this turn of events to find Lily’s phrasing funny.

 

“Why _now_?” he wanted to know. “After all this time, why did you suddenly decide that _now_ was a good time to hire security?”

 

Lily’s lips parted to reply, but she couldn’t seem to make any sound come out. Robin came to her rescue with a casual half-shrug, her tone a little too calm and controlled.

 

“Because if anything was going to happen – if anyone was going to try to get to you – it’d be now, with the trial just a couple of days away. Not that anyone’s going to,” she hurried to amend. “We just don’t want to take any chance – just want to make sure that you’re safe.”

 

Barney frowned, not at all convinced, glancing back and forth between Lily and Robin, his gaze finally falling on the curious expressions of the two strangers in the room, neither of whom had spoken since he had appeared. Barney’s jaw set with frustration, his face flushing with embarrassment at the entire situation, before he turned on his crutches and made his way wordlessly back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

 

********************************

 

Robin and Lily exchanged a worried look, and Lily started to rise, but Robin beat her to it.

 

“Don’t worry,” she assured her with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ve got it.”

 

But she wasn’t nearly so sure that she did.

 

She knocked softly on the bedroom door, not waiting for a response before she let herself in. Barney was sitting on the foot of the bed, angrily swiping at his eyes with his sleeve. He rolled his damp, red-rimmed eyes in annoyance at himself, and at being found like this by Robin, as she silently moved to sit down beside him.

 

She grimaced slightly to herself, wondering what she could say to make the situation better. She thought that they should have known better than to think that they could keep anything from him for long. Barney was highly perceptive, and didn’t usually miss much. She was not surprised that he had picked up on the fact that they weren’t telling him something – or that he was royally pissed off about it.

 

The tears, though – the tears she found both surprising, and confusing.

 

Barney was quick to clear up her confusion.

 

“He could come after me at any time,” he stated in a soft, flat tone, his voice trembling slightly with his tears. “He’s still out there. Why did I let myself forget that?”

 

Robin raised a single brow, considering the possibility that perhaps Barney hadn’t caught on so much, after all. She considered his words as well, before responding cautiously.

 

“I… didn’t really think you _had_ forgotten it,” she observed. “You’ve actually seemed… very much aware…”

 

“But I let myself put it out of my mind,” Barney clarified, shaking his head. “I let myself… move on, and think… think that everything was just going to be okay…”

 

“Isn’t that what you’re _supposed_ to do?” Robin suggested gently. “Move on?”

 

“Not until it’s safe to.” Barney’s tone was dark and ominous. “Not until ‘moving on’ won’t potentially get you killed.”

 

Robin was quiet for a few moments, mentally debating, before she picked up her purse from the floor beside the bed where she’d left it when she lay down earlier. Barney gave her a look of grudging curiosity as she opened it and dug through it for the item she was seeking. His eyes widened with surprise and alarm when she triumphantly retrieved a small, black pistol.

 

She held it out to him expectantly. “Here. I think you may need this more than I do right now.” She paused, shrugging slightly. “Besides… I have more.”

 

Barney shook his head. “Robin…”

 

“No, seriously, Barney,” Robin insistently, shaking the weapon slightly, an impatient tone to her voice. “You’re probably going to be fine. The trial’s only a couple of days away. But it will make you feel safer to know that you’re armed, just in case…”

 

“No, it won’t,” Barney argued, a disbelieving laugh in his voice. “Robin, all it will do is give anyone who tries anything a weapon to use against me. I won’t be able to use it…”

 

Robin rolled her eyes with a dismissive wave of the hand that held the gun, oblivious when Barney cringed slightly at the careless motion. “That’s what everyone says. That’s ridiculous. Criminals usually bring their _own_ guns, Barney. That’s why you need to have one, too. I would have thought you of all people would get that. Now’s not the time to go all morally conscious on me, Barney…”

 

Robin’s voice gradually trailed off, her eyes widening with understanding, as Barney stopped trying to use words to convince her and merely held up his splinted, bandaged hands, wiggling his fingers as much as possible to draw her attention to them. Robin’s face reddened with embarrassment, and she rolled her eyes again, this time at her own mistake, before putting the gun back in her purse.

 

“Oh. I guess you really _wouldn’t_ be able to use it…”

 

“Nope.” Barney exaggerated the popping sound on the “p”, staring down at the floor with mild disappointment. “Believe me, I’d take it from you in a heartbeat if I could.”

 

Robin was quiet for a moment before offering Barney a soft smile, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on his knee. Barney looked up at her, a question in his troubled eyes.

 

“Well,” Robin suggested with a slight shrug, a teasing, affectionate sparkle in her eyes. “If you can’t handle a weapon right now – I guess you’ll just have to stay in the company of someone who can.”

 

*************************************

 

Lily continued to make the necessary arrangements with the people from the security company, trusting Robin to handle the situation with Barney, but still worrying enough that she was barely able to focus on the conversation. She had just ushered the men out after signing the necessary papers to finalize the arrangement, and was trying to decide whether or not she should venture past the closed bedroom door, when she heard the familiar sound of Marshall’s key in the front door.

 

She nearly collapsed into his arms, clinging to him gratefully, surprised to find herself suddenly fighting back tears. She barely noticed as Ted walked in behind him, and the two men exchanged a puzzled look at her strange reaction.

 

“Um… I’m glad to see you, too, honey… but…”

 

“Marshall, I’m _so_ glad you’re home!” Lily’s voice trembled with relief as she finally drew back to meet his eyes, swiping carelessly at the tears in her own.

 

“And what am I?” Ted wanted to know, though there was a gently teasing smile on his face. “Chopped… something far more clever and original than liver?”

 

“You’re the guy who’s _not_ guaranteed to always make me feel safe when I’m freaked out – not to mention built like a linebacker,” Lily sort of explained to Ted with an appreciative up-and-down look at Marshall.

 

Ted was frowning, but it had nothing to do with her assessment of him in comparison to Marshall. “What’s wrong?” he asked, worried. “What happened?”

 

Lily showed them the letter and told them about the security detail whose first shift would begin in less than an hour; and they both agreed that it would be wiser to keep it from Barney for the moment. Ted was reluctant, given what had happened the last time they’d kept something important from Barney; but he knew that Barney would almost definitely back out of testifying if he knew – and then, he’d _never_ be safe.

 

Marshall crumpled the sinister note in his hand, quietly fuming. “I kinda hope this guy does come after Barney,” he remarked with a cold rage in his voice that Lily was not accustomed to hearing in his voice. She could remember only one time when she’d heard it before – the night she’d been mugged on her way home, their first week living in the city. “I’d like to have the legitimate excuse to beat the crap out of him without worrying about anybody taking _me_ to jail for it.”

 

They all fell silent, and Marshall tucked the note discreetly into the pocket of pants, as Barney and Robin unexpectedly emerged from the bedroom. Barney nodded at the guys in greeting as he made his way to the sofa and sat down. Lily cautiously moved to sit down beside him, biting her lower lip uncertainly, not sure whether or not he was upset with her.

 

Barney didn’t speak, but he gave her a small, apologetic smile when she reached out to gently squeeze his arm.

 

Robin made her way across the room to the phone, flipping the pages in the still-open phone book Lily had used a little while earlier. Ted frowned, curious, looking toward Barney.

 

“Who’s she calling?”

 

“The doctor,” Barney replied, his tone low, dark and determined as he looked up to meet Ted’s eyes, his jaw set with determination. “I’m only supposed to wait another week before getting these off.” He held up his hands for a moment as he went on. “But – I’m not going to wait. We’re getting these off tomorrow.” He paused, swallowing hard before continuing softly. “If someone _does_ come after me – I want to at least be able to fight back.”


	27. Chapter 27

“This is a very bad idea. I hope you realize I’ll be putting in my notes that you insisted upon this against medical advice.”

Barney nodded distractedly, barely taking in his doctor’s disapproving words. His attention was fully focused on her hands as they carefully removed the bandages and splints from his fingers. “Yeah, yeah,” he impatiently replied. “I get it. You don’t want me to do this. It’s still my decision.”

“Unfortunately,” the doctor muttered, casting an ignored glare in Barney’s direction as she removed the last of the bandages.

He set his jaw, bracing himself for pain as he cautiously flexed his under-used fingers. The pain was every bit as bad as he had expected, and the movement he managed was barely noticeable – but it was a start.

“When can I start physical therapy?” Barney asked with a grimace as he tried again.

His doctor raised her eyebrows doubtfully as she replied. “You can see my receptionist on the way out, and she’ll set you an appointment for next week.”

“I was thinking more like… this afternoon.”

“Barney, you can’t rush this,” she warned him sternly. “You could end up doing yourself more damage than good and taking even longer to recover if you push yourself too hard.”

“Fine. Tomorrow?”

Barney gave her a bright smile, trying to infuse it with all the charm he’d nearly forgotten how to use over the course of the last few weeks. The doctor gave him a sympathetic look, an expression of resignation in her eyes. She couldn’t argue with the hopeful, determined optimism on Barney’s face.

“Talk to the receptionist,” she repeated, with a far different implication this time. “She’ll let you know if anything’s available.”

“So… realistically speaking.” Barney’s smile faded, his expression becoming serious, apprehension in his eyes. “How soon should I be able to use my hands? Like, at all? To actually like… hold things? Like… I don’t know… a pencil, or something?”

 _Or a pistol… or something…_

“Well, you’ve already got slight range of motion, within minutes of removing the bandaging,” the doctor pointed out with a speculative look. “I’d say with physical therapy three times a week, you might see some notable progress within the first week or two…”

“That’s not soon enough.”

“Barney…”

“I know, if I rush myself I could do damage, etc. etc.” Barney’s tone was terse and impatient, but his gaze was unfaltering. “But I’m already rushing myself, and you can’t get much more damaged than _dead_.”

****************************************

Robin looked up from the magazine she was reading as the door to the waiting room opened and Barney stepped out. She gave him a tentative, hopeful smile, and he returned it, holding up his hands – actually visible for the first time in a month. Robin rose to her feet, tossing the magazine down and falling into step with Barney as they moved toward the door. She waited until they were in the privacy of the car to speak, impatient expectancy in her voice.

“Well? What’d she say?”

“She said I’m doing great so far. She said it’s too early to say for sure, but she thinks I’ll probably regain full use of them,” Barney explained. He hesitated a moment before meeting her eyes and adding, “And she says I should be able to grasp objects within the next week or two, as long as I go to physical therapy and do these exercises she gave me.”

“You have to be sure to actually _do_ them,” Robin advised with a knowingly stern look. “I know how these things can go…”

“I will, Robin,” Barney assured her, his expression solemn and intent. “Trust me. I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to not be just… just sitting there helpless, if this guy comes after me.”

They sat there in silence for a few moments, sobered by the thought. Barney stared down at his pale, thin fingers, visibly willing them to move more than the bare fraction of an inch he could manage. He flinched slightly, startled but not exactly scared when Robin reached out a cautious hand toward his. He held very still, lifting his hand slightly as she slid her hand under it. She raised their hands together, her fingers lightly cupping his but not exerting any pressure at all, wary of hurting him, as she examined the injured but healing limb with curiosity and open concern.

Barney’s voice was softer, affectionate, as he cautiously withdrew his hand and assured her, “I’ll be fine. I don’t care how long she said it would take. I intend to be ready.”

“And I intend to help you,” Robin informed him, turning in her seat to turn the key in the ignition. “I’ll help you with the exercises, and stay with you until you can use your hands, so that you know you’re safe.” She patted her handbag beside her with a satisfied smirk, indicating the pistol they both knew was stashed inside. “And when you’re able to hold one of these properly, I’ll teach you how to fire it.”

“I already know how to fire it.”

Robin blinked, surprised by Barney’s claim. “You do?”

“Yeah.” Barney nodded, looking through the windshield as Robin pulled out onto the road. “It’s part of the mandatory training when I was hired for my job.”

Robin stared at him, wide-eyed and aghast. “For your _job_? You had to learn how to fire a _gun_?”

Barney nodded in wordless confirmation, a slight smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

Robin shook her head in disbelief, staring at the road in front of her for a moment before giving Barney an incredulous glance. “What exactly do you _do_ , anyway, Barney?”

Barney rolled his eyes, letting out a soft scoffing sound as he gave her a dubious look. “Robin… _please_.”

***************************************

The trial process was not quite what any of them had expected.

Though none of them had been through any legal procedures of a criminal nature before, they had mostly expected that it would take a week or two at the most, and then it would be over and they could all go on with their lives.

The first day, Allison’s defense attorney requested a continuance of one day because Allison was supposedly sick. That one day stretched into three. When they finally reconvened, the attorney requested time for a re-evaluation of Allison’s mental state, as so far the only evaluation that had been done had been conducted by a doctor who worked with the prosecutor’s office.

The judge granted the defense an additional week to carry it out.

“What do they have to gain by dragging this out?”

Lily sighed, frustrated and worried, as they made their way out of the courthouse. Barney was walking without his crutches by now, with the assistance of Ted and Robin on either side of him, just in case he happened to need some support. He was getting stronger with each day, each physical therapy session, and could now move his fingers much more freely than when the bandages had first come off. His doctor told him that very soon, he would be able to use his hands again.

Barney was afraid that it might not be soon enough.

He thought that he knew the answer to Lily’s question.

 _What do they gain from it? How about the chance to shut me up before I can testify?_

“Maybe they just know there’s no way they’re winning this one, so the longer they can drag it out, the more chance there is of something happening that they can use as a technicality to get her off,” Ted suggested.

“No.” Marshall shook his head, a grim expression on his face as he opened the car door. “If that’s what they were going for, they wouldn’t have asked for the new evaluation. They’d have let that go, and then used it as grounds for an appeal later if necessary.”

 _They don’t think they’re going to_ need _an appeal. They don’t think they’re even going to get to finish this trial. They think if they can take me out before I can testify against her, then the state won’t have enough evidence to convict her._

Barney didn’t realize that he was shaking until he felt Robin’s arm slide around his shoulders across the backseat of the car. He glanced up at her in surprise, taking comfort in her reassuring smile as she settled in close to his side and gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. She nodded toward her purse and gave him a little wink as she patted it with her free hand.

Barney’s eyes went wide with stunned alarm. “You didn’t… you had that in the _courthouse_?”

“It’s registered.” Robin sounded just slightly defensive.

“What about the metal detectors?” Lily protested, turning in her seat, wide-eyed as she realized what they were talking about. “Robin… how did you get that inside without getting tackled to the ground and _arrested_?”

Robin shrugged. “Security in Jersey state buildings sucks, apparently. I noticed that the lights were off on one of them, but apparently the guy operating it didn’t notice. So… that’s the one I walked through.”

“Robin, that’s dangerous!” Ted protested. “A lot of good you’re gonna do Barney if you get arrested!”

“A lot of good it’s gonna do him if the only place he’s _not_ protected is the courthouse during the trial!” Robin shot back. “If they can’t get to him anywhere else – and between me and the security guards at our apartments, they can’t – they’re gonna try wherever they can! I just wanna be sure…”

“Robin.” Ted’s voice was terse as he glanced between her and Barney, warning in his eyes.

Robin looked at Barney, who looked considerably paler than when she had begun to speak. He gave her a weak, forced smile, trying to offer her reassurance, but failing.

“It’s okay,” he insisted, his voice trembling slightly. “Really. I… I’m glad you’re looking out for me, Robin. And… with you or security with me constantly, I’m perfectly safe. It’s okay, really. I’m fine.”

No one really believed him.

The rest of the ride home was quiet and awkward, no one wanting to voice the fears and concerns that had been raised by the brief argument. Barney just leaned his head back against Robin’s arm and tried to sleep – or at least to fake sleep well enough that the others wouldn’t try to talk to him anymore.

When they reached Marshall and Lily’s apartment, Barney disappeared immediately into the guest bedroom, where he took out the print outs from the doctor’s office and began doing his exercises again – even though he had already done them that morning.

He knew he was pushing himself, knew he was straining his weakened body unwisely – could tell by the searing burn he felt in the under-used muscles of his hands – but he didn’t feel that he had a choice.

 _Can’t depend on Robin to be there every moment. She’d try, but I can’t let her put herself in danger. Can’t depend on the security guards, not in the courthouse. Can’t depend on the police to protect me. They almost let me die in the first place._

 _Can’t depend on anybody but yourself, Stinson. Learned that a long time ago._

Barney kept trying, pushing himself, over the next few days – eager to reach the point where he no longer needed the constant protection of someone else, and could actually play a part in defending _himself_ for a change. By the third day following, he was able to grasp a glass and drink from it without help.

By the end of the fourth day, he was able to grasp Robin’s pistol – and to force his trembling, aching forefinger to pull the trigger. Of course, he lacked the coordination to control the aim of the shot. Fortunately, the weapon was empty at the time.

It was still progress – still an unmistakable sign that Barney was regaining his strength – his power – that had been so brutally stolen from him.

 _That’s it. Come on, Ryan. Come after me._

 _I’ll be ready for you._


	28. Chapter 28

Barney was very careful over the next few days, making sure that he was in the presence of his hired security guards whenever possible, and Robin when it was _not_ possible. The day after she slipped a pistol into the courthouse, Robin brought Barney another small handgun from her shockingly extensive collection.

“Just in case you need it when I’m not around,” she explained, giving him a tentative smile as she moved in close enough to slip the pistol into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. “Just one more line of defense… just in case.”

Barney hoped that neither of them would have cause to use their weapon, but he had his doubts.

The trial proceeded the following week with the testimony of the police officers who had arrived on the scene of the kidnapping – just in time to do absolutely nothing, since by that point Allison had been incapacitated and Ryan had been gone. Barney sat there fidgeting nervously as they explained the evidence they’d found at the scene, as well as the condition in which they’d found everyone when they arrived. He tried not to focus too closely on what they were saying, as even their rather clinical, emotionless descriptions brought back far too many vivid memories.

The testimony of the police officers, however, was nothing compared to the testimony of the doctor who had treated Barney during the week he’d spent in the hospital immediately following the attack.  As the doctor calmly recounted a thorough catalogue of Barney’s injuries in explicitly graphic detail, Barney felt a hot flush of shame stealing over him, his stomach roiling as he closed his eyes and tried to shut out the words that were nearly as bad as the original violation they described.

“… extensive burns and bruises of varying degrees of severity and duration, on virtually every part of Mr. Stinson’s body. We also found severe bruising and lacerations in the genital area, as well as extensive tearing and…”

 _You’re next. You have to get up there in front of all of them, right after this guy tells them all the gory details, and tell them all about it yourself…_ __

Barney couldn’t quite suppress the shiver that passed through him as he lowered his head into his hand in an instinctively defensive gesture, shielding his face from the curious stares of the jury members that he just _knew_ had to be headed in his direction. His heart was racing, his face broken out in a cold sweat, as tremors of impending panic began to course through him.

 _They all know now: what happened to you… how damaged and screwed up you are now… what they made out of you. They all know, they’re all staring, they must think you’re so disgusting, so pathetic…_ __

At his side, Ted became aware that something was wrong, giving Barney a concerned frown as he slipped a supportive arm around his shoulders. Ordinarily, Barney would have self-consciously shrugged out of the affectionate gesture that was more than he would have been comfortable with. As it was, he was grateful for the silently protective reassurance Ted offered, the reminder that he was not alone in this, and that there were people who knew _exactly_ what had happened to him, and still accepted and loved him as much as they ever had.

“Barney?” Ted murmured close to his ear, his gaze intent and searching as he studied his friend’s face. “You okay?”

Barney nodded hurriedly without raising his head, drawing in a shallow, shuddering breath. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah.”

“Uh… huh.” Ted’s tone was flat, utterly unconvinced. “Yeah, I’m buying that. Barney… it’s all right. You’re safe. It’s okay.”

Barney nodded again, struggling to control the panic edging into his racing thoughts. His heart was racing, his blood thundering in his ears, blessedly drowning out the invasive words of the man on the witness stand and the defense attorney who had just begun to cross examine him. He was vaguely aware as Ted leaned forward across the low barrier between the prosecutor’s desk and the front row of the audience section where they sat, touching the woman’s shoulder to get her attention and speaking softly into her ear.

She glanced back at Barney, taking in his pale, shaken demeanor, before nodding and turning back to face the front of the courtroom again.

As soon as the doctor’s testimony had concluded, the prosecuting attorney rose to her feet, just as the judge turned toward her to address her.

“Are you ready to call your next witness?”

“Your Honor, I’d like to request a brief recess prior to calling my next witness to the stand. Mr. Stinson is not feeling well, and we would appreciate a few minutes in which to allow him to collect his thoughts before taking the stand.”

The judge took one look at Barney and immediately nodded. “Very well. Court will adjourn for a period of one hour. Please be prepared to bring your next witness at that time.”

***********************************

“Barney?”

“Barney, are you okay?”

“It’s okay, Barney, just calm down…”

Barney rushed ahead of his well-meaning friends toward the refuge of the men’s bathroom, where he knew that at least half of them could not follow – and the other half would hopefully take the hint and leave him alone. He just needed a minute, just needed to _get away_ from the panic, the uncertainty, the dreadful torment of the vivid memories now flowing freely through his mind.

Barney fell to his knees on the floor of the nearest stall, vomiting into the toilet, heedless of the fact that he was kneeling on the filthy bathroom floor in a suit that probably cost more than the bathroom itself. He stayed there for a moment, trying to catch his breath, relieved that at least the tumult in his stomach seemed to have subsided for the moment. He blinked, his eyes slowly coming into focus on the pair of expensive dress shoes on the feet of the man in the stall next to his. The suit that fell to just the right length to cover just the right portion of those shoes looked at least as expensive as his.

Barney grimaced with embarrassment as he rose shakily to his feet, hoping that the man in the next stall was no one in any way connected with his case. He flushed the toilet and stumbled to the sink, taking down some paper towels and wetting them in the sink to wash his face, then rinsing the vile taste from his mouth. He took down more towels to dry his face, then remained leaning over the sink for a couple of minutes, eyes closed, enjoying the silence as his breathing began to slow back to normal.

 _It’s all right. You can do this. Everybody’s in your corner, and you’re perfectly safe. You’ve made it this far. Just a few minutes and this will all be over… just keep it together a little while longer…_ __

He didn’t look up as the toilet flushed in the other stall and the door opened. A rueful smile crossed his lips as he shook his head with a weary sigh.

“The one thing they don’t show you on TV is how nauseatingly _boring_ these things are,” Barney offered lightly by way of explanation. “Sorry if I ruined your lunch.”

“Didn’t bother me a bit…”

Barney’s stomach lurched again and he looked up, eyes wide with panic as he instantly recognized the voice of the man standing at the sink beside him. Ryan grinned back at him with malicious amusement, instantly reaching out to grip his arms and shove him against the wall between the two sinks, one hand quickly covering his mouth to suppress his frantic cry for help.

“In fact,” Ryan continued, his voice low and taunting. “I find it kinda hilarious.”

Barney desperately tried to pull free, but Ryan had one of his arms wedged between the sink and his own side, and the other pinned tightly against the wall with his hand. As he tried to twist his head free long enough to scream, Ryan slammed his head back against the wall with a dizzying, audible crack that momentarily stilled Barney’s efforts, sidling in close until there was virtually no space between them.

Trapped, unable to move, barely able to breathe, Barney struggled to focus past the pain in the back of his head, his every muscle taut and trembling with panic.

“Shhh,” Ryan warned him, a cold smile on his lips. “Keep quiet, Barney. Don’t make me hurt you.”

Barney kept still, no longer struggling against the much larger, stronger man, afraid that doing so would only incur Ryan’s rage. He shook his head rapidly, pleadingly, eyes wide and fearful as they locked onto those of his attacker. Ryan smiled in satisfaction as he slowly, cautiously removed his hand from Barney’s mouth, using it instead to grasp his arm and keep him pinned against the wall.

“All the extra security these past couple weeks, the gun your girlfriend managed to sneak into the courthouse…” Ryan smirked at Barney’s stunned expression. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been keeping up with you, Barney. So I guess you know what happens next.”

Barney’s heart leapt up into his throat as Ryan reached into his jacket and pulled out a razor sharp knife. Before Barney could even think of moving, Ryan pressed the blade against the side of his throat, tracing it slowly over the visible pulse point there.

“Please,” Barney whispered, shaking his head slightly, closing his eyes. “You don’t have to do this…”

“Hmm.” Ryan’s tone was skeptical, but thoughtful. “No. Maybe I don’t.”

Barney looked up at him, barely daring to hope. “Wh-what…?”

“Shut up.” Ryan’s voice was sharp, but as soon as Barney complied, he smiled again, amusement in his eyes. “That’s really… all you have to do, Barney. Just keep your mouth shut about what happened when you get up on that stand. All you have to say is that you were blindfolded the entire time. You never saw the people who hurt you, never heard a name – can’t really be sure who they were.”

Barney hadn’t really considered the possibility that Ryan might be after anything besides finishing him off quickly in the deserted bathroom. He shook his head slowly in confusion, lips parted as if to speak, but not quite forming the questions that filled his mind.

“I know,” Ryan smirked with a knowing nod and a half-shrug. “Why not just finish you off right here and be done with it, right?” He paused, his smile fading as he admitted, “Because your friends are right outside that door. Because this place is crawling with cops. Because if I did, all things considered – nine chances out of ten I’d never make it to the courthouse steps.”

He pressed the knife harder and Barney drew in a sharp gasp of alarm, flinching as Ryan edged closer.

“But I will,” he murmured, his voice low and unsettlingly intimate. “I will if I have to, Barney. Thing is, I don’t think I have to. I think that you’re going to do exactly as you’re told… aren’t you?”

Barney swallowed hard, his heart racing with terror as he nodded obediently, biting his lower lip. “Okay,” he whispered. “Okay… whatever you want.”

“Good boy,” Ryan sneered softly. “You just get up there and say that you never saw them. You don’t remember anything after walking Allison out to her car, and she had a reason to want to see you hurt, so in your mind, it seemed to make sense that she was involved – but you never actually saw her after taking her to her car in the alley. Then, Allie will get up there and give her testimony that our being at the campground at the same time as you and your _real_ attackers is all just a big, unfortunate coincidence. She only had the gun in the first place for protection, out camping in the middle of the woods – and she only had it on her person because _your friends_ broke into _our_ cabin in the first place!”

Barney hesitated, steeling himself before venturing an incredulous look, his voice low and trembling. “You… you really think the jury will _buy_ that?”

Ryan shrugged again, a smug smile on his lips. “All they need is a reasonable doubt.”

Barney’s heart sank as he considered that, and began to think that maybe Ryan was right. If he testified that he wasn’t really sure _who_ had attacked him, the chances of their convicting Allison were severely lessened.

“I think I’m being pretty generous here, Stinson,” Ryan continued, his voice soft and deceptively soothing. “But I promise you – this is your last chance.” He paused, reaching down to slide his suit jacket back, revealing a small, sleek pistol tucked into his belt. “Your friend’s not the only one who managed to get a weapon past security. If you try anything – if you don’t do exactly as you’re told – I’ll kill you and everyone you love before you get two words out of your mouth. You try to tell them when you leave here, and I’ll mow them all down a second later.” He shook his head with a soft little huff of laughter. “It’s not like I’d have anything to lose.”

Abruptly he released Barney’s arms and replaced the knife in his pocket, smirking as he reached to adjust Barney’s slightly rumpled jacket and tie. He met Barney’s eyes for a moment with cold confidence before turning and striding purposefully out the bathroom door.

The mingled effect of relief and terror overwhelmed Barney as Ryan walked away, and violent tremors overtook him as he crossed his arms over his chest and braced his back against the wall for support. Suddenly, his legs didn’t feel strong enough to hold him up. He remembered what he’d ironically forgotten in his panic – the gun tucked under his own jacket. Belatedly he scrambled to get it out, holding it in both quaking hands and aiming it weakly toward the door, his mouth twisted in a grimace of bitter resentment and frustration… that swiftly crumpled into broken, tearing sobs as he allowed the useless weapon to fall to the floor with a clatter and raised his hands to cover his face in despair.

******************************

“Maybe I should go in there,” Ted suggested, nervous and uncertain, pacing outside the bathroom door.

“No, he said to give him a minute,” Marshall reminded him with a reluctant sigh. “I know, I want to go in there, too, but… maybe he just needs a couple minutes alone to get himself togeth—“

Marshall’s words broke off abruptly as the bathroom door opened for the second time since they’d been waiting, and Barney stepped out – pale and a little shaky on his feet, but offering a brave smile for their benefit. Ted cautiously approached him, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

“You okay, dude?” he asked in a hushed tone of concern. “You gonna make it?”

“Yeah.” Barney nodded, not quite meeting Ted’s eyes, his smile forced, but encouragingly strong. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just… I freaked out for a minute, there, but… I’m okay.”

“You’ve got to testify next,” Robin reminded him with an apologetic look even for mentioning it. “Are you ready for that?”

Barney met her eyes briefly and nodded, then straightened, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out before glancing around at his friends. “Okay,” he repeated with firm intent. “I’m ready. Let’s go do this.”


	29. Chapter 29

Barney’s heart raced as he made his way back to his seat on trembling legs, struggling to maintain a calm, composed façade for the benefit of his clueless friends. He felt sick, no longer taking any comfort from the reassuring touch of Robin’s hand on his, or Ted’s casual arm across the back of his seat. He could no longer even focus on the fact that once he finished his testimony, it would all be over – because now, it _wouldn’t_.

He’d have to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, watching for any sign that Ryan and Allison might plan to take him again.

Defying Ryan’s commands was not an option. Barney had no doubt that if he did, he would not live past the end of the day. He had made it quite clear how easily he could get to Barney, regardless of the security measures he and his friends had put in place. The simple truth was that they couldn’t be completely safe every moment of every day. Ryan would watch for the first unguarded moment – and then he would make his move.

Barney had no choice but to do as he was told, and hope that Ryan and Allison were satisfied.

 _And wonder every day for the rest of my life if they’re going to decide they’d like to go for round two._ __

_Nope. Nothing to do, but lie on the stand._ __

_And then go home and take that gun of Robin’s – and shoot myself._ __

Barney jumped, startled out of his admittedly verging-on-melodramatic reverie by the banging of the judge’s gavel on her podium.

“Court will now come to order. Is the prosecution ready to continue at this point?”

“Yes, Your Honor.” The prosecuting attorney turned toward Barney with an expectant look. “The state calls Barney Stinson to the stand.”

Robin gently squeezed Barney’s hand, meeting his eyes with an encouraging smile as he rose to his feet. “Don’t be scared,” she whispered, barely mouthing the words as she held his gaze. “You’ve got this.”

Barney gave her an almost imperceptible nod, forcing himself to return her smile before breaking eye contact and making his way toward the witness stand. He swore to tell the truth while never intending to actually do so, certain that ensuring his friends’ deaths with his honesty was the greater of two evils.

He answered the first few questions easily enough – things like his name and his whereabouts the night of the kidnapping – while keeping his eyes averted as much as possible. He had plenty of experience with lying, but he still felt incredibly guilty for what he was about to do to the prosecutor who’d been working so hard to win this case for him. He couldn’t look at his friends, either, feeling that he was somehow betraying them as well by giving in to Ryan’s demands.

 _But you’re not. You’re doing it to save them. Remember that. You’re doing what you have to do to save their lives…_ __

“When did you first meet the defendant?”

Barney took a deep breath, trying to steady his frayed nerves, his hands trembling where they gripped the edge of the witness stand in front of him.

 _This is easy. You can tell the truth on this one. If anything, that makes her look better and you look worse._ __

Barney’s voice shook slightly as he recounted the scheme he and Lily had put together, and how they’d used it to get rid of Allison after he’d slept with her. He had never had any trouble bragging about his impressively creative exploits with various women; but for some reason this time, he couldn’t bring himself to look at the jury, certain of the disgust and disapproval he’d see on their faces.

 _You brought this on yourself. Lying, disgusting whore that you are. You hurt so many people that you earned finally being hurt yourself. Why should they feel sorry for you?_ __

“After that first encounter with Ms. Sharpe, when was the next time you saw her?”

The prosecutor continued, her tone betraying a faint note of anxious tension. She kept trying to make eye contact, and Barney supposed that she probably could tell that something was not quite right. He avoided her gaze all the more studiously, afraid of letting her see that she was right to be afraid.

“She… came into the bar where I hang out with my friends. I… I wanted to… to apologize to her for what I did…”

 _Like an apology would make up for it. You deserved it. They all know you deserved it…_ __

“I offered to buy her a drink, but she refused. Not surprisingly,” he went on, his face hot with shame, his downcast eyes locked onto the light wood grain of the witness stand in front of him. “But… she _did_ ask me to… to walk her out to her car, since it was… it was in the alley, and… and it wasn’t safe…”

“Did you walk her to her car?”

“Yes.”

“And what happened then, Barney? When you got to her car?”

Barney’s mouth was dry, his heart thudding in his ears, nearly drowning out the prosecutor’s cautious, gentle questions. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out his own fears and focus on what he had to do next. He swallowed hard, trying to make his mouth work to form the words of the lie he knew he had to tell.

“I-I don’t… I don’t remember…”

The prosecutor was quiet for a moment, moving closer to the stand. When she spoke again, her voice was hushed and patient. “Take your time, Barney. Think about it. I know this is difficult, but try to remember what happened in that alley.”

Barney forced himself to look up at her, though he deliberately focused his gaze just over her shoulder, avoiding direct eye contact as he fought to steady his voice, to make his words more believable to the listening judge and jury.

“I… I don’t really remember what happened,” he repeated, a bit more clearly and firmly.  “What I mean is… I… I helped Ms. Sharpe to her car, and she drove away, and… and I started to go back inside, and… I don’t remember what happened after that.”

A stunned murmur of voices arose in the courtroom at those words, as almost everyone assembled there already had some idea of the alleged events of the case, and what his testimony was supposed to be. Above the hushed tumult, Barney could clearly make out the shocked, horrified voices of his friends. He lowered his gaze again, biting the inside of his lip and squaring his jaw, trying to prepare himself for the prosecutor’s reaction.

“That’s not what you said happened in the statement that you gave to the police, Barney.” Her voice trembled, higher and more anxious than usual, as she moved in closer to the stand, both her hands braced against it. He could feel her piercing gaze on him, as she tried to get him to look at her through sheer force of will. “Think carefully about the question, and remember that you are under oath.”

“I… I know.” Barney felt sick, his heart sinking with the knowledge of just how much he was throwing away by going along with Ryan’s flimsy lie. “I… I walked her to her car, and… and after she got into it… things get… fuzzy. I… I don’t remember what happened.”

Frustration warred with patience in the prosecutor’s voice when she tried again after a moment of strained silence. “All right. After the alley, Barney – what’s the next thing that you do remember?”

“Waking up in… in the cabin.”

“Were you alone in the cabin?”

“N-no.” Barney struggled over the words. “I heard… voices.”

“Whose voices did you hear, Barney?”

He hesitated, closing his eyes to shut out the anticipated reaction to his words. “I don’t know. I… wasn’t sure. At the time I thought it sounded like Ms. Sharpe’s voice, but… but now I think maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I just – thought that, because she was the last person I remembered seeing. When I think back on it, it… it really didn’t sound that much like her at all.”

Barney glanced up as he glimpsed motion out of the corner of his eye, noting the smug smile on the face of the defense attorney as he rose to his feet. Although it made him sick to think of what caused the man such satisfaction, Barney kept his focus there, rather than risk a glance toward his friends on the other side of the courtroom.

He could only imagine what they must be thinking of him right now.

“Your Honor, based on the fact that the primary eyewitness in this case – the victim himself – is stating that it _was not_ my client he heard during his ordeal, I move that all charges against my client be dropped…”

“That might be a little premature, counsel.” There was a stern, disapproving tone in the judge’s voice, and Barney could feel her questioning gaze focused on him even as she addressed the other man. “There are other witnesses who place the defendant at the scene of the crime, and just because he does not clearly remember _if_ it was the defendant does not prove that it was _not_.”

“Your Honor,” the prosecutor spoke up, sounding weary and troubled, “if it pleases the court, could I have a brief recess in which to confer with my witness?”

The judge was silent for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh. “ _Very_ brief. I need not remind you that we just _had_ a recess not twenty minutes ago…”

“I know, Your Honor, and I apologize,” the prosecutor sighed. “I just need a few minutes.”

“Very well. Court will reconvene in twenty minutes, at which time I wish to see both counsels in my chambers.”

***************************************

Barney’s friends tried to get his attention as he made his way past them down the aisle, following in the furious wake of the prosecuting attorney as she led him toward one of the private conference rooms that lined the hall outside the courtroom. He kept his head down and avoided their eyes, not speaking as he hurried his pace as much as possible to keep up with her.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, she spun around to face him without waiting for him to sit down.

“Barney – what the _hell_?” she demanded unhappily. “We talked about this. We prepared for this. I thought you were ready…”

“I’m not.” Barney’s answer was short, clipped, offering no more information than was absolutely necessary. “I just… I can’t do this. I thought I could, but… I can’t. Take me off the stand.”

“Without your testimony, Barney, I can’t assure a conviction. Do you understand that? You’re the only one that can identify Allison Sharpe beyond all doubt as the one who lured you into that alley, and instigated the kidnapping. Any other testimony I’ve got only serves to back yours up. If you don’t get back up there and tell your story, there’s a very strong chance that she’s going to get away with what she did to you. And if she’s acquitted, then the investigation into her boyfriend will almost certainly be dropped. They’ll _get away with_ it, Barney. Is that what you want?”

“ _No_!” Barney objected, his voice trembling with frustration, his eyes filled with tears as he finally looked up to meet her eyes. “None of this is _what I want_ , but I don’t exactly have a choice, do I? I didn’t get to choose _not_ to get kidnapped and dragged off to the woods to be raped and tortured, either! Why shouldn’t _this_ be out of my control, just like everything else in my life is right now?”

The prosecutor frowned, shaking her head slightly in confusion, and Barney looked away guiltily, realizing that he’d already said too much. Her voice was soft, wary, when she spoke again.

“Barney… this _is_ in your control. This is the one thing in the entire situation that is entirely in your hands – your ability to get up there and tell the world what she did, and get her put away for good. How is that _not_ in your control?”

Barney just shook his head, angrily swiping at a stray tear that had escaped his eye, looking stubbornly away from her. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“I wouldn’t understand, or you’re afraid to tell me?” He looked back up at her sharply for just an instant – but it was long enough to tell her all she needed to know. “Barney – has someone threatened you? Is that what this is about? Someone’s threatening to hurt you if you testify the truth about what happened?”

Barney looked up at her, tear-filled eyes narrowed in defiance as he repeated through gritted teeth, “You _wouldn’t… understand_.”

“Yeah… that’s what I thought,” she replied flatly, a knowing expression on her face as she slowly nodded. She drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she began to speak again, “Okay. Here’s the part where you tell me the truth, Barney – so we can figure out just how real this threat is, and what we can do about it.”

“I don’t have anything else to say…”

“Well, we’re not leaving this room until you do,” she countered, challenge in her words. A moment later, however, her tone softened as she added, “But I promise you that I won’t let anything happen to you, or to anyone you care about. Just tell me what we’re dealing with here – and I’ll find a way to help you, I promise. You just _have_ to tell me the _truth_.”


	30. Chapter 30

The silent standoff lasted nearly a full minute longer before the prosecutor spoke again, her tone one of forced patience, yet genuine compassion. She sat down slowly in the seat across from Barney, meeting his wary eyes before she spoke.

“Barney – if someone’s threatening you, I promise we can handle it. We’ll get a twenty-four hour police guard to accompany you until the other guy is caught. We can make sure you’re safe, everywhere, until…”

“I’m not safe _anywhere_.”

Barney’s tone was flat, defeated, and his gaze fell, the brilliant blue of his eyes dulled with hopeless resignation. The prosecutor frowned, studying his expression.

“You have to trust me, Barney,” she insisted. “Whoever’s threatened you, we can make sure they never have a chance to get to you…”

“What if _they_ make sure you never get the chance to _stop_ them?” Barney snapped, looking up at her again, his eyes blazing with resentful frustration. “You’re so sure your people are always gonna be a step ahead of him. What if he’s the one who’s a step ahead of _you_?”

The prosecutor was silent for a long moment, taking in Barney’s trembling, furious outburst – and then her eyes widened as the pieces fell into place, and suddenly it all made sense. She stood up slowly without even realizing she was doing so, leaning over the table, her hands braced against it as she studied Barney’s face.

“Barney,” she began in a slow, cautious voice that made him look away, instantly sure that she _knew_. “Is the man who hurt you _in_ the courthouse? _Right now_?”

The look on Barney’s face was all the confirmation she needed.

“Don’t worry, Barney,” she said in a quiet voice of grim determination, whipping out her cell phone and quickly dialing the first of several numbers already running through her head. “We’ll take care of this. I just need to make a few calls…”

******************************************

“What’s _wrong_ with him?”

Robin paced furiously back and forth, her arms crossed over her chest, just outside the courtroom doors, while Marshall and Lily stared into space, lost in their thoughts, and Ted watched her with a grim, troubled expression on his face. Robin didn’t seem to be waiting for an answer, shaking her head and raising a hand to cover her face for a moment as she let out a deep, shaky sigh. Ted considered the question anyway, trying as hard as she was to make the whole thing make sense.

“He said he was ready,” he observed softly, shaking his head. “He seemed fine, coming out of the bathroom. I mean… I know he was freaked out in the courtroom. Maybe we shouldn’t have listened to him when he said he was okay. Maybe we should have asked for a longer recess…”

His words trailed off, his troubled thoughts interrupted by the approach of a woman in a dark blue suit that distinguished her as one of the city employees who worked at the courthouse. She stopped beside them, a polite but tense smile on her face as she looked at each of them in turn.

“Excuse me – are you the party that accompanied Mr. Stinson to court today?”

“Yes.” Marshall stood up, anxious and eager for whatever news she might have to offer. “Where is he? Is he okay?”

“The prosecutor needed to speak with him, but he’s fine, I assure you,” the woman insisted, though her smile did not touch her eyes, and was not even remotely convincing. “He would like to see you, though. We still have a little while before court resumes, and he seems to think he’ll feel a little better about continuing if he can see you all first. He’s in a private room just down this hall, if you’ll follow me, please.”

Ted’s mind was racing as they followed the woman down a corridor to a room with a heavy steel door, guarded by two armed police officers. An uneasy, sick sensation began in the pit of his stomach as he found himself wondering what had happened to make that measure deemed necessary. To this point, no one had even suggested an armed guard to accompany Barney within the courthouse, as everyone who entered was searched for weapons before being allowed into the building.

 _Everyone but Robin, apparently._ __

Ted swallowed hard, his sick feeling intensifying with a second dark, disturbing thought.

 _And anyone else smart enough to notice the one not-working metal detector at the entrance._ __

_God, he’s really not safe anywhere, is he? If I was Barney, there’s no force on earth that could make me open my mouth._ __

The door opened, the guards moving aside to allow the little group to enter, and Ted was surprised by the overwhelming relief he felt at the sight of his friend, safe and relatively calm, seated across from the prosecutor at a bare wooden table that took up nearly half the tiny room. As they entered, Barney jumped to his feet, letting out a shaky sigh of relief as his wide blue eyes welled with tears.

“You’re okay,” he whispered, grabbing Robin and hugging her tight, then moving to the side to embrace Ted and the others as well. “You’re all right… you’re okay…” The tremor Ted felt in his desperate embrace revealed the very real fear he’d apparently had that that might not be true. “Thank God. Guys, I was so worried…”

“Why?” Robin asked, reaching out to grasp his shoulder to bring his attention back toward her. “Barney, what’s going on?”

“Yeah, man.” There was no accusation, only concerned confusion in Marshall’s voice. “Why did you lie on the stand?”

Barney shook his head apologetically, guilt in his eyes as he looked away. “I didn’t have a choice,” he softly insisted. “I had to. He said he’d… he’d kill you… _us_ … if I… if I didn’t…”

“Who did?” Lily’s tone was indignant as she moved to stand directly in front of Barney – which was no small feat, given the fact that they all seemed to want to be as close to him as possible, as if to reassure themselves that he was really okay. She gently took his arms and met his eyes with an intently questioning gaze. “Ryan? Did he threaten you again, Barney?”

“Wait – _again_?” The prosecutor stood up, holding up a halting hand to gain their attention. She shook her head in confusion, a suspicious frown creasing her brow. She looked toward Barney. “Why didn’t you tell me there have been previous threats?”

“Because there haven’t.” Barney looked between her and Lily, baffled. When Lily looked guiltily away, however, and his glances at the others drew similar reactions, Barney’s eyes narrowed with understanding. “Except… there _have_ , only… these guys didn’t see fit to tell me about them. Right? Even though I’m the one who was being threatened.”

No one disputed his assumption, each of them quiet in their guilt. Finally, Robin spoke up, her voice tentative and apologetic. “There was… a letter. That’s all. Nothing… direct. We just thought if you knew – you might decide not to testify, and then Ryan would get away with what he did to you, and you could never really be safe if that happened, so we just decided…”

“It should have been _my_ decision…”

“I hate to interrupt here,” the prosecutor spoke up again, raising a weary hand to her brow for a moment before lowering it to meet their questioning looks. “But we have more important things to worry about at the moment. I’ll need to hear about whatever previous threats there have been before court resumes, as they might be relevant to the case, but for now – the entire courthouse is on lockdown.”

“Why?” Robin asked, her eyes wide with alarm. “What does that mean, exactly?”

“It means no one comes in and no one goes out until everyone in the entire building has been accounted for,” the prosecutor explained. “Ryan somehow managed to get a gun into the building, and attacked Barney in the men’s bathroom outside the courtroom.”

“In the bathroom…” Marshall looked stricken, sitting down slowly in one of several small chairs that lined the wall. “I should have gone in with you. I should have checked…”

“I told you not to,” Barney gently reminded him, though the regretful expression on his face made it clear that he wished Marshall would have checked the bathroom first as well. “He… he didn’t hurt me. Not really. He just… he said that… if I testified against them, he’d… he’d kill you guys before we ever left the courthouse, and… and I was too scared to… to…”

Barney’s shame-filled words broke off as Robin spun abruptly on her heel, heading back toward the door. She picked up her purse from the chair where she’d set it as they entered, her jaw set with furious determination. Barney’s eyes went wide with alarm and he hurried forward, catching the wrist of the hand that clutched the purse.

He knew what she had inside it – and why she wanted it.

“Robin – no,” he said softly, meeting her eyes and shaking his head. “You can’t.”

“You can’t go anywhere right now, Ms. Scherbatsky,” the prosecutor informed her, oblivious to the silent communication taking place between them. “Due to the lockdown. Every exit has been blocked, and they’re systematically searching the building for the suspect. They _will_ find him – but until then, the judge and jury, everyone from my office, and all of us are under guard in safe rooms like this one, just to make sure he can’t get to anyone to try to interfere with the trial.”

“Or, you know… kill us,” Ted added flatly, taking a seat in one of the chairs at last with a weary sigh that was half worry, half relief.

“Yeah,” Marshall agreed, sitting down beside him. “That would _significantly_ ‘interfere with the trial’.”

They remained in the small, stuffy room, the quiet tension only broken by the occasional comment or question, while they waited for the phone call to let them know that it was safe to come out. The prosecutor and Barney both wanted to know the details about the threatening letter his friends had intercepted – not that such an innocuous method of intimidation seemed all that severe, in the light of what Barney had just experienced.

It was nearly an hour after he’d confessed the truth to the prosecutor when her cell phone rang. Everyone in the room grew tense and silent, staring at her, watching for any sign of what the person on the other end of the line might be saying.

“Yes. Yes, thank you so much. Right. Yes, that sounds good. Half an hour. All right, thank you.”

She smiled as she hung up the phone, and half the group relaxed slightly at that indication, even before she related to them what she’d been told.

“He’s been captured and placed under arrest.”

Barney let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, lowering his head into his hand, his shoulders shaking with relief. Robin was seated beside him, and reached out a comforting arm to wrap around his shoulders, her hand running up and down his arm in a slow, soothing pattern as the prosecutor continued to explain.

“The judge wants to reconvene court in thirty minutes, but it will most likely be just to postpone the trial for a few days. There will naturally be several matters that will have to be resolved before the trial goes on. Barney, you’ll have to go to the police station and identify Ryan before formal charges can be filed against him. Then, we’ll have to take everybody’s statements as to the threats – both the letter and today – and determine whether or not they have any impact on _Ms. Sharpe’s_ trial. Once everything’s been sorted out, the trial will resume – but at least you’ll be able to sleep better tonight, Barney, knowing they’re both in jail.”

Barney nodded without raising his head, still overwhelmed by the news, barely able to process it in his shaken state. Robin turned in her chair to more fully embrace him, wrapping her arms around him and tenderly kissing his cheek before drawing back, placing a hand against his face to gently raise his head to meet her gaze. When he did, his face was dry, but his eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“It’s all right,” she assured him softly. “It’s okay now, Barney. You’re safe. Neither one of them will ever be able to touch you again."


	31. Chapter 31

When Barney left the police station after identifying Ryan as the man who’d kidnapped and raped him, it was as if a tremendous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He felt shaky and unsteady, leaning into Robin’s supportive arm around him more heavily than he ordinarily would have. He was trembling, light-headed – but with relief, rather than with the terror that had haunted him for the past two months.

Ryan was charged with all of the same crimes with which Allison had been charged, and denied bail in any amount.

“They’re both in jail, Barney,” Robin whispered into his ear, giving him a hug before they got into the car. “They can’t touch you now.”

Barney could not remember the last time he’d felt so safe.

It took the police and the prosecutor’s office nearly a week to determine whether or not the threats that had occurred at the courthouse and Ryan’s arrest should have any impact on Allison’s trial. Halfway through that week, the prosecutor called.

Her tone was matter of fact as she informed Barney, “Ryan’s offered to testify against Allison, in exchange for a lighter sentence… and she’s offered to turn on him, as well…”

“No,” Barney cut her off, unable to mask the tremor of alarm in his voice. “Please, don’t give either of them a deal. They both… they both did just as much as… I mean… please, don’t…”

“I told him not a chance,” the prosecutor continued, her tone softening slightly with understanding and sympathy, though the pride and satisfaction in her voice was unmistakable. “No deals, for either of them, Barney. I promised you that already, and I’m not going to change my mind now – especially now that they’re so eager to make them. I just wanted to let you know, because you know what this means: they know they’re as good as convicted already. Ryan’s stupid move at court last week has all but made sure of that. I just wanted you to know, Barney – we’ve got them scared. They know they’re going to prison, for a long, long time.”

Lily was standing in the kitchen when Barney took the call, and went to the doorway, listening with anxious attention when she heard the obvious fear in his voice. When he hung up the phone and immediately fell apart, covering his face with his hands to hide his tears, she hurried to his side, putting her arms around him and trying to get him to look at her.

“Barney, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” she asked, her voice hushed, her heart heavy with dismay. His reaction made her certain that the phone call could only have been bad news. “Was that the prosecutor? What did she say?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Barney explained when at last he could speak again, raising his tear-filled eyes to hers with an elated smile, joy and relief shining from them. “Absolutely nothing.”

****************************************

“Let’s go back to your previous testimony, Mr. Stinson. You were telling us what happened in the alley behind the bar. You told us that you walked Ms. Sharpe out to her car, and she drove away, and that is the last thing you remember. That _is_ what you told us, isn’t it?”

The prosecutor’s voice was calm, noncommittal, and Barney met her gaze unflinchingly. The blinding terror he’d felt the last time he took the witness stand had been replaced by the surety that he was doing the right thing – the _only_ thing – to protect himself and the people he loved from Ryan and Allison, _forever_. Barney braced himself for the reaction of the jury, knowing that what he was about to say would cast doubt on his entire testimony – but it could not be helped. It was better to bring everything out into the open and tell the entire truth.

And now, it was safe to do so.

“Yes,” he replied with quiet assurance, holding the prosecutor’s gaze. “That’s what I said.”

The prosecutor raised a single brow, a hint of a smile on her lips as she asked, “Was that the truth?”

Barney took a deep breath, hesitating just a moment before answering firmly. “No. No, it was not.”

A low rumble of surprised murmurs filled the courtroom, including the jury box, and the judge tapped her gavel against the podium in a silent call for order. As the voices died away, the prosecutor continued, no accusation in her tone, despite her words.

“You lied. You’re aware that’s perjury.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“So… why didn’t you tell the truth?”

Barney swallowed hard, with an effort, keeping his voice calm and even. He looked toward the jury, trying to make eye contact, to convey his honesty and sincerity as he answered the question.

“I intended to tell the truth. But, during the recess directly before my testimony, I was threatened by my other attacker – Ms. Sharpe’s… boyfriend – to say that I didn’t recognize my attackers. That I… had no idea who they were. He… he held a knife to my throat, and… and showed me that he… he had a gun… and he said that… if I didn’t do as he told, he’d… he’d kill me, and… and my friends… before we could leave the courthouse.”

“And you did as he said, didn’t you, Barney?” the prosecutor prompted, the gentle patience in her voice a subtle cue to the jury – an emphasis of the fact he’s just stated: that he had _no choice_ but to lie. “You were afraid.”

“I was,” Barney confirmed softly. “So… I said I didn’t see them clearly, didn’t know for sure if it was them or not. And… then, you asked for a recess.”

“And what did you do during that recess regarding the threat you received?”

“I… I told you about it, and… and the courthouse was locked down until they found him.”

The prosecutor was quiet for a moment, allowing Barney’s words to sink in. Then she continued with feigned curiosity, already knowing the answer. “So why should the jury believe that you are telling the truth now, when you weren’t telling the truth last time you took the stand?”

Barney knew exactly what answer she was looking for in order to get the proper point across to the jury. “Because this time, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Both of the people who… kidnapped me are under arrest. It’s… it’s _safe_ to tell the truth, now.”

The prosecutor nodded encouragingly, and Barney ventured a glance toward the jury once more. Several of them were nodding as well, and a few others bore expressions of sympathy and understanding.

 _Mission_ _accomplished…_ __

_Now… on to the hard part…_ __

“That’s what we need to hear from you today, Barney,” the prosecutor continued quietly, her expression growing solemn as she met his gaze with an almost imperceptible nod. “The truth.”

**************************************

Barney’s voice remained strong – for a little while – as he recounted what Allison had said to him before they drugged him in the alley, and what had happened after he woke up in the cabin.

The prosecutor tried to be sensitive and as gentle as possible, but as her questions gradually became more detailed, Barney found himself wavering. His face grew heated with shame, his voice trembling and halting, as he described the brutal torture they’d inflicted upon him, and the sexual degradation and abuse he’d endured at their hands.

“So, at this point, you’d been beaten… burned… repeatedly raped. Your hands were literally crushed… your leg broken… your feet both cut and burned to the point that you couldn’t walk. At any point, did they tell you what they intended to do when they were finished?”

The prosecutor’s voice trembled as she quietly recapped Barney’s story so far. His eyes were closed, his breath ragged and uneven, overwhelmed by the powerful memory of the panic and despair of those long, dark hours of torment. He swallowed hard to dampen his dry mouth, struggling to get out the answer to her question.

“They… they said… I wasn’t ever going to… to leave the cabin alive. R-Ryan told me that… when he went outside… it was to… to dig my grave. And that… if I was lucky… they… m-might even kill me before… before they put me in it.” Barney heard the soft gasps of horror from the jury and the spectators, but couldn’t bring himself to look at him. It was taking every ounce of his courage just to tell his story. At this point, they knew too much of it to allow him to meet their eyes. “They… dragged me up o-onto my feet, and… and took me out… into the woods…”

“On your broken leg.”

“Yes.” Barney nodded, glancing up to meet the prosecutor’s eyes before staring back down at the wooden stand in front of him. “They… made me get on my knees beside… beside the… hole he dug, and… and I _begged_ them not to… not to… to do that…” The tears that slipped from his eyes only added to Barney’s shame, like a physical weight holding his head down as he struggled to continue. “They… they _laughed_. Allison… she… she stabbed me, and… and said… they were going to go get ready to leave, and… if I was lucky… when they came back to b-bury me… I’d already have bled to death.”

As Barney finished his story, the silence that had fallen over the courtroom became palpable. No one so much as stirred, barely a breath audible, amplifying the sound of Barney’s quiet, shaky gasps for breath as he fought to maintain the fragile hold he was keeping over his emotions. In a moment between breaths, he heard a soft, sorrowful sound from the direction of the jury box, and ventured a curious glance toward them.

Barney was stunned to see that the source of the sound was a woman near the far end, crying softly, one hand raised to cover her face as her shoulders shook with quiet sobs. And, although she was the only one who’d made a sound, she was not the only one emotionally moved by his story. Several members of the jury were staring at him with stricken expressions, their eyes shining and their cheeks stained with tears.

“I have no further questions, Your Honor.”

The prosecutor returned to her seat, and Allison’s defense attorney got up to cross examine Barney – but there was no question he could ask that did not serve to increase the jury’s sympathy for his plight. He was no idiot, and tried to avoid sounding insensitive or accusing toward Barney, focusing his questions on anything that might cast doubt not on Barney’s honesty, but on his perception of the events. Still, the jury cast disapproving looks in his direction, and he quit long before he’d finished his planned defense, realizing that he was fighting a losing battle, and only ensuring his defeat more with each question.

As Barney got up and made his way back to his seat, trembling with the emotion of reliving his nightmare before an audience, but also with the relief of knowing that it was _over_ – he’d told his story, done his part, and never had to mention it again if he didn’t want to.

 _Too bad I can’t never_ think _about it again, too…_

Barney took his seat again, between Robin and Ted, both of whom immediately put their arms around him as he sat down. Robin leaned in to give him a light kiss on the cheek, drawing back to meet his eyes, her voice a mere whisper of breath against his skin.

“I am _so proud_ of you.”

Barney felt his face flush with something much different than the shame he’d felt earlier, and despite his emotional state, couldn’t suppress the bashful half-smile that rose to his lips at her words. He rolled his eyes, self-deprecating, and looked away, shaking his head dismissively.

“You win, Barney. You just settled it. You win,” Ted spoke up softly, confirming Robin’s assessment of the situation.

Barney gave a doubtful little grimace, tilting his head slightly. “Not yet,” he whispered, directing his attention toward the front of the room again.

He was surprised when the prosecutor turned around in her seat, her gaze scanning the three of them as she spoke in a voice low enough that no one but them could hear her. She was barely managing to conceal a beaming smile behind a mask of calm, impartial professionalism, and her whispered words birthed a sense of hope in Barney’s heart.

“They’re right, Barney.” She nodded. “You just won us the case.”


	32. Chapter 32

Robin excused herself from the rest of the group as they passed the ladies' restroom, giving Barney a bright, reassuring smile before the door closed behind her. As soon as she was out of sight, however, she let out a deep, shaky breath, raising her hands to cover her face as she leaned back against the wall beside the sink for a few moments.

She turned toward the sink, turning on the faucet and grabbing a handful of paper towels, running them under the cool water, vaguely aware as the restroom door opened and Lily slipped in behind her. Robin pressed the cool, damp towels against her face, letting out a shaky sigh of relief.

"I know, right?" Lily replied, though she hadn't said anything aloud. "I'm so glad _that's_ over."

"It _isn't_ over," Robin reminded her, her tone terse and worried. "Not yet. Allison still gets to testify, and who knows what lies she's come up with?"

Lily frowned, confused. "Who cares?" she objected, shaking her head. "It's not like anyone on that jury's going to believe a word that comes out of her mouth at this point..."

"Probably not," Robin conceded, turning to face Lily, biting her lip, her brow creased in an anxious frown as at last she met her friend's eyes. She knew that Lily was right, and yet she couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach that she knew wouldn’t fully fade until both of Barney’s attackers were locked away in prison – hopefully for the rest of their lives. She squared her shoulders, trying to focus on the positive and put her worries aside for the moment. "It's probably going to be fine,” she declared, nodding firmly. “There's just too much evidence in our favor, and... and no witnesses for their side besides Allison, so... yeah, you're probably right."

Lily's expression softened with compassion, and she reached out to take Robin's hand reassuringly. "Robin -- you just finished telling Barney that he just won the case with his testimony. Didn't you mean that when you said it?"

"Of course, I did, I just... I just can't help... worrying. I mean... it's _Barney_ , you know?"

To her horror, Robin felt a strange prickling heat at the backs of her eyes, and raised a hand to press thumb and forefinger against them, trying to force back the stinging moisture threatening to find its way out.

When Robin could finally bring herself to look at Lily again, her lips were turned up into a slow, knowing smile, and there was a strange sparkle in her eyes. When Lily offered no explanation for her strange reaction, Robin's eyes narrowed with suspicion, and she withdrew her hand, taking a wary step backward.

" _What_?" she snapped self-consciously.

"Nothing, I just... I know. It's _Barney_. Of course you're freaking out..."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Robin found herself feeling suddenly defensive, her face flushing with self-conscious embarrassment. "What do you mean, ’it's Barney’?"

"Robin, that's what _you_ said," Lily reminded her, barely able to conceal her amusement at Robin's reaction. After a moment, she rolled her eyes and let out a weary sigh. "Sweetie, come on. It's not like you've been hiding it that well -- either of you."

"Hiding what?" Robin demanded, her voice trembling slightly as she averted her gaze, using the excuse of throwing away the towels and turning off the water to keep from meeting Lily's all too perceptive eyes for a few moments longer. "I don't have any idea what you're talking about..."

"Barney. _You_... and Barney." Lily's smile had faded, and there was no teasing left in her eyes when Robin ventured to meet them again, only understanding and compassion. "Come on, Robin. It's not some big secret. Everyone's known how _he's_ felt about _you_ for months now -- and I've known how you feel about him, well – pretty much since you felt that way about him. For… a few weeks now… am I right?"

Robin lowered her eyes, leaning back against the wall again, and casting an anxious, forlorn look toward the door, and by extension the man that waited for her just beyond it.

"How can you?" she muttered, relenting at last. "When _I_ don't even know?"

"You know," Lily argued softly. "You know you do. You're just... scared... or something..."

Robin's defenses rose again at that word, and she stood up straight, eying Lily with accusation. "I am _not_ scared!"

" _Or something_ ," Lily repeated, holding up her hands in surrender. She reached for the door, opening it a little before looking back toward Robin and whispering conspiratorially with a knowing smirk, "But... probably scared."

Before Robin could protest, Lily was out the door, leaving her alone with the thoughts she'd managed to hold at bay -- until Lily forced her to face them. She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment and trying to regain her bearings.

She didn't know what it was about Barney Stinson that made her feel... feel... well, she didn't know _what_ she was feeling, really, and that was the problem. She couldn't quite define what she felt for him, because she'd never felt it for anyone before. All she knew was that whatever it was, she felt a hell of a lot of it.

 _I've been in love before... and I know I love Barney, but not... not if I'm_ in _love with him... and besides, that's not it... or… not_ just _it… and that’s the problem._

 _What if it's not what I think it is? What if it's just... just sympathy, or concern, or something that's just a result of everything he's been through? That's not a good enough reason to be with someone. He's going to be going through so much more over the next few months. Just because Allison and Ryan go to jail -- and they haven't, yet -- doesn't mean this is over for Barney. Anyone who's with him is going to have to be incredibly strong and compassionate and supportive and willing to deal with someone else's agonizingly deep, utterly intimate emotional issues -- which is_ not _my strong point._

Robin steeled herself, realizing that she'd been in the bathroom far too long already. As much as it frightened her, she had to go out there and face her friends -- including the one friend that she was beginning to suspect might actually be something more.

She put on a cheerful, careless grin as she approached the waiting group, immediately noticing the uncertain, self-conscious look in Barney's eyes as they immediately locked onto her. The smile he gave her in return was the same as it had always been, but couldn't quite conceal the feelings that lay behind it now -- the reasons he had to be uncertain and self-conscious around her.

 _If you do this... and it doesn't work out... there's a lot more than a few weeks of heartache at stake for him._

The warning thought struck Robin with utter clarity, and she felt her throat close up with apprehension, her palms damp with nerves that she shouldn't have felt around someone that was just her friend. The challenging voice of her thoughts sounded suspiciously like Barney's as her mind filled with the one question to which she knew she had to find an answer, and fast.

 _Can you handle it, Scherbatsky?_

***********************************

Silence reigned in Marshall and Lily’s living room, broken only by the quiet ticking on the clock on the wall. The television was turned on, but the volume was off. Each of the five friends was lost in their own thoughts, though none of them ventured to share what they were thinking with the rest of the group.

The rest of the testimonies following Barney's had gone very much as they'd expected. Ted and Robin had given their accounts of what they'd found when they arrived at the campsite, as well as the brief and cryptic phone conversation Barney had managed to have with Robin.

Allison testified as well, though she seemed convinced even as she spoke that her words were doing her no good. She stammered and struggled over lies that were thin and not in the least convincing, finally leaving the stand, red-faced with shame that she rightly deserved to feel.

When the closing arguments had ended and the jury was sent away to deliberate, things had looked very good for Team Barney.

Still... none of them could quite shake the sense of apprehension and unease that would only be abated by the knowledge that they could put this whole matter behind them, once and for all. They all seemed to share the feeling that they would only be able to relax and _breathe_ again once the verdict had come back in their favor.

"I shouldn't have gone out to the alley with her." Barney's quiet voice broke the silence, and every eye in the room turned toward him. His eyes were soft and uncertain as he looked for reassurance on their faces, his voice trembling slightly over his words. "I just... that looks bad, right? I mean... like maybe I _wanted_ to go somewhere with her? What if they think I wanted to..."

"Barney, no," Lily insisted gently, shaking her head and reaching across the coffee table to place a supportive hand on his knee. "There's no one in their right mind who'd ever believe you wanted half of... of what they did. Your testimony took care of any doubts anyone on that jury might have had. You've got this, sweetie. Okay? There's only one verdict they can reach."

Barney nodded, his eyes downcast, biting his lower lip nervously. Of course, she was right. His fears were silly, the dark imaginations filling his mind impossible -- and yet, he couldn't keep from feeling them, thinking them. There was still a part of him that was convinced that this would never be over. Allison and Ryan would find a way to get away with it, and he would have to spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, waiting for the time when he'd accidentally slip up, let his guard down for long enough to let them slip in.

"What if they paid off someone on the jury?" His eyes widened, a trace of panic in his voice as he looked up at his friends again. "All they need is one hold out to get a mistrial, right? And if that happens, then she goes free..."

"That's not going to happen," Marshall assured him. "Barney... no. There was not a dry eye in that jury box when you testified -- and trust me, I was looking. There's no way they'll come back with anything but a guilty verdict."

Barney nodded again, feeling sick inside despite their reassurances. He glanced self-consciously up at Robin beside him. Her hand was firmly clasping his, the casual pressure of her body at his side more of a comfort than she knew; but she seemed distracted, gazing into space at nothing, seemingly unaware of the fears he'd voiced.

"Robin?" he whispered, nudging her slightly. "What?"

Robin blinked, momentarily disoriented, before shaking her head to clear it. "They're right," she confidently stated, doing her best to appear to be focused on the conversation, though Barney could clearly see that she had something else on her mind. "It's gonna be fine, Barney. You'll see..."

At that moment, the telephone rang, and everyone nearly jumped out of their skin. Barney felt Robin's hand clench around his, and was reminded by the taste of blood in his mouth to ease up on his lower lip, still caught between his teeth.

Lily hesitated a moment before rising and making her way to the phone in the kitchen, picking up the receiver and immediately moving back to the doorway so that the others could hear her conversation.

"Yes, he's here. This is Lily Aldrin, I can... Yes. Yes, okay. How long...? Okay. Yes, okay, we'll be right there."

She hung up the phone, her eyes huge and solemn as she looked around the room at her friends before her gaze fell on Barney's frightened face.

"The jury's returning in two hours, but that's just to give us enough time to get there." She paused, her voice trembling slightly as she concluded. "They've already reached a verdict."


	33. Chapter 33

The jury box was empty, awaiting the return of the twelve people who would decide the fate of the woman who’d made Barney’s life such a nightmare during the past month.

Barney felt dizzy and light-headed, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. Walking on either side of him, Ted and Robin nearly propelled him through the double doorway as they entered the room. He felt nauseous and disoriented, but was grateful for the support of his friends, certain that if it hadn’t been for them, there was no way he’d be able to get through this moment.

 _Forget_ this _moment – you’d never have gotten this far_ at all _, without them._

Their little inseparable procession – a solid, consistent display of their unfailing friendship – was familiar by now to everyone in the courtroom. Barney thought that it likely had helped his case – proof that he was more than the lecherous creep Allison’s defense team had tried to make him out to be. He was a man who was loved and cared for, at least by a few people who seemed to see through his arrogant, playboy façade to something more.

Truth be told, Barney would never have guessed at the level of devotion his friends held for him until that devotion was tested.

Barney’s thoughts were distracted as he ventured a glance across the courtroom – to find Allison staring at him with cold, hate-filled eyes. When he met her gaze, Barney froze, mesmerized by the smug defiance in her dark eyes as her mouth twisted slowly into a cruel, menacing smile. For the barest instant, time seemed to fly backward, and Barney was back in that isolated cabin – back at her mercy, paying with his blood and his dignity for the crimes against her that she’d so exaggerated in her own mind.

An instant later, Barney could no longer see her, as Marshall sat down directly in his line of vision. Marshall looked straight ahead as he shifted slightly in his seat, deliberately positioning his imposing frame so as to completely prevent any chance of Barney’s making eye contact with Allison again. Barney studied Marshall’s face, trying to discern whether or not the move had been deliberate or simply a blessed chance circumstance. When Marshall turned to meet his gaze with a soft, sly smile, he had his answer.

“Don’t worry, buddy,” he whispered, reaching out a cautious hand to awkwardly pat Barney’s knee. “You’re about to wipe that smirk off her face for good.”

Barney felt an immense sense of warmth and gratitude welling up within him at Marshall’s words, as well as his hesitant display of affection. Marshall knew better by now than to touch Barney unexpectedly, and rarely touched him at all, wary of triggering some terrifying memory and sending him into a traumatic flashback to his ordeal. When he was so awkward and cautious, however, and the affection and concern so obvious in his soft brown eyes – well, it was impossible for Barney to be afraid of him given the circumstances.

It was impossible for him to feel anything for his friend but gratitude and affection.

“Thanks, man,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. He quickly averted his gaze, before Marshall could see the tears that shone there.

As the jury filed into the room, however, Barney’s fears returned. His stomach lurched, his heart rate increasing as he wondered once more whether or not the evidence was enough to overcome the negative image the defense had painted of him. Would the jury convict Allison based on the evidence before them – or would they sympathize with what he had put her through beforehand? Barney couldn’t look at them, a cold prickling of shame at the back of his neck as one troubling, terrifying thought filled his mind.

 _What if they think I deserve it?_

The judge called the court to order before asking the foreman to stand.

“Has the jury reached a verdict?”

The middle-aged woman in her sharp business suit cast a nervous glance in Barney’s direction as she passed the folded piece of paper in her hand to the bailiff and replied.

“We have, Your Honor.”

Barney willed time to move faster, desperate just to _know_ , regardless of the outcome, as the judge took the paper and read it before handing it back to the bailiff.

“Will you please read the verdict, Madam Foreman?”

The foreman took the paper back and began to read.

“On the count of kidnapping with special circumstances, we find the defendant…”

Barney held his breath, his eyes squeezed shut, only realizing when Robin let out a choked little whimper beside him that he was clasping her hand far too tightly. He eased his grip but didn’t venture to offer an apology – afraid that his own whispered words might drown out the single word he was so anxious to hear.

 _If that’s even what she’s going to say…_

“… guilty.”

Barney began to tremble with relief as the foreman continued to read the list of charges against Allison – but the verdict on the first charge was enough to tell him what the results would be. On every charge – first degree sexual assault, assault and battery, terroristic threatening, all with “special circumstances” that would allow for stricter sentencing than usual for such charges – the verdict was the same.

 _Guilty._

His friends around him cheered, heedless of the disapproving looks the judge cast in their direction – but Barney remained silent. His mind felt numb… frozen… struggling to catch up with the fact that he had _won_ – and Allison was really never going to be able to touch him again. It didn’t feel like he’d expected it to feel, hearing the words he’d hoped for so desperately, hearing his friends’ exultation on his behalf.

He’d expected to feel… _more_.

McLaren’s was still off limits for Barney at the moment, since his single failed attempt to go there a couple of weeks earlier – and besides, it was barely four in the afternoon. The group took their celebration to Barney’s favorite restaurant instead. None of them mentioned the exorbitant prices as they ordered their meal, everyone gushing at once about Barney’s long-awaited victory.

Everyone – except Barney himself.

*************************************

Robin couldn’t understand Barney’s strange reaction to the verdict.

It wasn’t as if he was _unhappy_ , really. He was smiling, obviously relieved – yet unusually quiet and reserved. He took part in the conversation, and yet, somehow, he seemed a little – _detached_ – from it all.

 _Maybe it just hasn’t quite registered yet,_ she mused. _Or maybe… maybe he’ll_ really _let it go once Ryan’s convicted, too. He can’t feel totally safe until it’s_ really _over._

 _Yeah. That has to be it._

As the weeks that followed Allison’s trial wore on, however, Robin’s mental reassurances felt increasingly thin and ineffective. Barney remained quiet and distant – calm, but unengaged in the cheerful, celebratory mood that his friends continued to carry as they waited for word on Ryan’s impending trial.

When the prosecutor called and asked what Barney thought about offering Ryan a “deal” that was really not much of a deal – a guarantee that he could not receive the death penalty, in exchange for a guilty verdict to all of the same charges of which Allison had been convicted – Robin was not surprised when Barney agreed.

Due to the “special circumstances” attached to her charges, Allison technically could have received the death penalty. However, no woman had been sentenced to death in New Jersey – _ever_. Barney was unsurprised and satisfied when the judge handed down a sentence of life without possibility for parole.

Ryan, on the other hand, stood to face an almost certain death sentence if he was convicted of the same charges.

Barney was more than satisfied with the idea of Ryan’s spending the rest of his life behind bars, unable to touch him or anyone else ever again – exactly the same punishment that Allison had received. He quietly agreed to the deal while his friends listened in anticipation, gathered in Lily’s and Marshall’s living room. They all seemed to expect Barney to finally allow his relief to show.

He didn’t.

A couple of days later, when the prosecutor called back to inform him that Ryan had pleaded guilty and officially been sentenced to life without possibility of parole, they expected Barney to react with the release and celebration they were still waiting for.

He still didn’t.

Instead, he quietly passed on the prosecutor’s announcement – then retreated to the privacy of his room.

“What’s _up_ with him?” Lily asked in a stage whisper, glancing around at the others with troubled eyes. “Someone needs to talk to him.”

“I would, but… I’m not sure he’d open up to me,” Robin confessed with an apologetic grimace and a little half-shrug.

“No, he probably wouldn’t,” Ted agreed. “Maybe this is a situation where he needs a bro.”

“Yeah.” Lily nodded slowly, giving him a pointed look. “Maybe it is.”

Ted looked to Marshall – only to find Marshall looking back at him expectantly. Robin and Lily were both giving him exactly the same look – and Ted’s shoulders fell with defeat.

“Crap.”

“He’s closest to you, Ted,” Marshall insisted. “Maybe he’s as close to Robin, but he’s in love with her. If it’s even the least bit embarrassing, he’ll probably tell you before he’d tell her…”

“And if it has anything to do with what’s happened these last two months, I guarantee it _is_ embarrassing,” Robin pointed out with a slow, sad nod.

“Fine,” Ted sighed, glancing with dread in his eyes toward the closed bedroom door. “I’ll talk to him. I just… wish I had a clue what to say… what he was thinking right now…”

Before Ted could finish, however, a loud crashing sound drew all of their attention toward the door he was eyeing. It was followed by a cry of frustrated agony, and then a second loud clattering noise. The four of them exchanged a look of shocked alarm before rushing toward the guest room door, Ted reaching it first only because he had already been headed in that direction.

Ted opened the door, leading the way inside. Despite the fact that Barney’s physical injuries had nearly completely healed by this point, they had all spent enough time caring for him over the past couple of months that they shared the momentary certainty of what had happened: Barney had fallen, or knocked his still-sensitive hands into something, or somehow otherwise hurt himself.

The instant they were through the door, however, their assumptions were proven wrong.

Barney’s hands and feet seemed to be functioning perfectly well, as he used them to sweep his belongings off the dresser, and to kick in the bottom drawer of the wooden dresser across from the bed. A frustrated, wordless cry of frustration and anguish left Barney’s lips as he tore the top drawer from the dresser and tossed it a few yards away, heedless as its contents were strewn along its path. His shoulders shook with soundless sobs as he stopped for a moment to catch his breath, one trembling hand rising to cover his face.

He didn’t yet seem to even be aware of their presence.

Marshall was the first to break through the shock and venture a cautious step toward him, concern in his eyes. They all shared the same fear – that in his mindless fury, Barney might aggravate one of his injuries, or otherwise accidentally harm himself.

“Barney, what is it?” Marshall’s voice was low and soothing, only a slight tremor betraying his own unease. “What’s the matter, man?”

He took another slow, careful step toward Barney – then froze in his tracks as Barney’s glittering blue gaze fixed on him, narrowed and dangerous. Barney’s voice was low and warning, trembling with rage, as he spoke with defiance and conviction, no trace of fear in his words.

“Don’t you dare _fucking_ touch me!”

Marshall held up his hands in surrender, taking back the step he’d claimed, shaking his head. “Okay. Okay, dude. Not touching, I promise…”

“I’m supposed to feel _different_.”

Barney’s friends took a moment to process the unexpected words, spoken in a much softer tone than his warning to Marshall. His voice trembled with unshed tears, and there was a heartbreaking note of despair in the words as Barney raised both hands to cover his face again, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath. When no one broke the weighted, tense silence that had fallen, after a moment, Barney continued softly.

“I thought I’d feel different, after… I thought it’d be… _over_. Knowing they’re in prison and never getting out… I thought it would… would _undo_ it, somehow, but… but it can’t. Nothing can. Nothing ever will…”

Robin’s eyes welled with tears at the heartrending words, and the desperation in Barney’s broken voice. She wanted nothing more than to rush to him and take him in her arms, but she was sure such a gesture would not be well received at the moment. Her tears fell as Barney’s shoulders shook with fresh tears, and he collapsed to his knees on the floor – broken under the weight of devastating reality.

Lily was the first to dare to approach him.

Marshall tried to pull her back at first, alarmed and uncertain as to how Barney might react; but Lily shook Marshall’s hand off her arm, holding up a halting hand in silent instruction to the others before slowly, carefully closing the distance between herself and Barney. She knelt cautiously beside him, waiting a moment before reaching out a gentle hand to brush through his hair. When Barney didn’t pull away, she shifted closer to him, her knees barely touching his.

As his sobs deepened, Lily’s hand in his hair became firmer, gently tugging his head downward to rest on her folded knees. Barney did not resist, willingly hiding his face against her lap, and she wrapped one arm around his shaking shoulders, the other still slowly playing through his hair. She didn’t try to shush him or get him to get up. She just stayed there with him, silently accepting his pain as he poured it out.

Marshall ventured forward again, though he stayed a few feet away, kneeling beside Lily in an awkward, uncertain display of support. He wasn’t sure he’d done the right thing – wasn’t sure Barney wouldn’t freak out again at the sight of him if he happened to look up – until Barney reached out a shaking hand to fumblingly seek out his own. Tears welled in Marshall’s eyes – tears of compassion and of relief – as Barney clasped his hand with desperation, tugging him gently closer.

Marshall put his free arm around Lily’s shoulders, and she rested her head on his, sniffling back her own tears. Seeing that it was safe, Ted and Robin moved forward, sinking down onto the floor opposite Marshall and Lily – effectively surrounding Barney with their love and support. Robin took Barney’s other hand as Ted placed a gentle hand on his knee.

The affection they were offering him might have been too much not very long ago, but Barney drank it in with grateful desperation, crying softly against Lily’s knees and taking comfort in the shelter and protection signified by the nearness and comforting touch of his friends. After a few moments, Lily pulled gently away from Marshall’s supportive arm around her, crouching down so that her head was level with Barney’s and placing one hand on the back of his head, the other on his shoulder, trying to focus his attention on her.

“You’re right, Barney,” she whispered, waiting to go on until he went still and she knew he was listening. “Things won’t ever be the same. You’re right. You can’t just… _undo_ something like what happened to you, no matter how hard you try. But… we’re right here with you. All of us. We _love_ you, Barney, and… whatever you have to go through… I promise, we’ll all be going through it with you. Every one of us.”

It wasn’t enough to fix it. Lily was right. In some ways – it could never be fixed.

But it _was_ , somehow… _enough_.


End file.
